Should I support my father in a difficult moment?

Question

When I lived with my parents, my father was a firm believer in discipline, a very strict dad. When I was a teen I made some mistakes, bad crowds, those things, and he didn't understand me, was extremely harsh. My mom was not so harsh but didn't want to go against him. This broke up our relationship. I could never see him as a loving father. That time I agreed I had made mistakes and changed, but never made up with him. Anyway, I turned up to become a girl even my father was proud of. But since 13 I've hardly talked to him. Today I'm 24, graduated in Chemistry, have a job, but avoid my parents. Well, my father had some problems, actually he made some mistakes, and asked for my help and support, though he knows I'm still extremely resentful of him. I know he wants my moral support in this difficult moment, but why will I be supportive if he was the bad guy and didn't act as a father? He wants me to understand he can make mistakes but never understood I could make some when I was a teen

Answer 1

I think you must help him - not extreme things, but a little support. Because by not helping him it might seem that you want to punish him and in that way, YOU become as your father was the days you don;t wish to remember.. By helping him , you will teach him what interaction means, how family ties should have been. I believe that by helping him -since he knows you resent him- you will show him aaaaaaaaaaalllllllllll the things you hadn't (and don't) told him in words. Be kind to him. You are a better person.

Answer 2

Of course U should support your father, more over U know that he is going through difficult time right now. Don't be rebellious towards your own parent. Whatever happened in the past is only a small misunderstanding. Your father was very strict with U when U was a teenager. Not only him, every parent want to make sure their children grow as a better person. Without your father being strict with U, do U think U are able to grasp what U have now. Your success is partly because of his discipline, otherwise U may not complete your studies. As such, my humble request, help your father and make him happy.

Answer 3

Actually I doubt very much that it was because he didn't want you making any mistakes as a teen as much as he knew where those mistakes could land you as he had probably made a few when HE was a teen. One thing that obviously didn't get through to you growing up was that your parents had BOTH been where you were, they had already gone through much of what you were going through so were expierenced in it. Your father just over did things a bit in trying to get you to not make the same mistakes as he did. That's the problem with parents, we don't WANT our children to suffer any hardships so we are sometimes harder on them because we don't want them to suffer from ANY mistakes. Obviously at 24 you still haven't grown past your childhood resenments and have come to learn that your father was only being the supportive and "overly" protective father he THOUGHT he was supposed to be. If you do not forgive him the transgression of trying to protect you in the only way he knew how there will come a time when you will WANT to but will no longer have the oppritunity. Eventually you have to grow up, either now or later...

Answer 4

I think it depends on if you wish to continue a relationship with your father. If you think that you will regret not supporting him right now, then i think you should go support him and show him that you are the mature one. He has been a poor father by not staying in touch with you as well, but that doesnt mean you shouldn't put an olive branch out there. You are a smart girl with a bright future, you need to find a resolution and seeing him now might make things better. I don't however think he is going to have a sudden moment of clarity, where you are concerned, but you can support him and let him know how you feel, which is the most important thing. Sometimes we have to put a boundary around unhealthy relationships and only you can know where that boundary should start or end. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sucks being human sometimes. I'm sure your Dad would agree with that as well. Dad being human makes him just like the rest of us...flawed. At least it sounds like he was flawed as a Dad. Being a father myself I can guess that your Dad did the best he could when you were growing up. Maybe you can cut him some slack on that subject.

On to whether you should help him. Do you want to? Don't let the imperfections of your parents confuse and cloud what you want to do as a person. If they were parents of the year and you loved being raised by them would you do something wrong that crossed your personal ethics line for them now if they asked? I'm thinking not. I believe your ethics would rule even though you loved them. You wouldn't let your love cloud your own ethics. So why would you let bad feelings cloud and make the choice hard?

The wonderful thing about being 24 is you get to climb to an even playing field with your parents. Everyone are now adults. So you get to decide whether you like your parents enough on an adult level to extend a little help. Your choice can go either way. Just make the choice based on things you believe in as an adult rather then your Dad's best parenting skills being less then what you needed. Make Sense?

Answer 6

Now that your are an adult you can now verbalize to both of your parents and let you know how you felt growing up. If you want to help your father do that. But get the air cleared up first. You have to understand as a father he was probably scared a lot of times for your and his only way of handling it was to strike back at you. We are all human and we all make mistakes, and I think that he would want to know that from you. That is your only dad and you would not want to wait until it is too late after he has passed to tell him the things that you could say right now. It sounds like you both need to forgive and forget.

Answer 7

Seems your dad did the best he did with what he had. Disciplining is what parents do, its their jobs. As a teen they are there to guide us and you clearly said you made mistakes no one is perfect but in the end you will see your family is the biggest part of your life he needs you and you should be there he supported you, as we grow we support our parents. Good luck.

Answer 8

since you know what it felt like for him to treat you that way, what would you gain by doing the same thing to him now? Put the past behind you and be the kind of person you can be proud of. You don't have to like what he did in the past, but don't hold that against him now. Someday, when you are looking at him for the last time, you will not have any regrets. You can hold your head high and know that in the end you were adult enough to love him, even with his faults.

Answer 9

no one is perfect & everyone is capable of doing things which pose infavorable responses. some call decisions mistakes...
you should try to establish open communication with your parents as adults. to start a new relationship essentially. at the time he made the decisions he made to be the disciplinarian & hardarse... he probably felt it was the only way to have respect & authority over his family. you cannot put conditions on your love & support without setting yourself up for disappointments & unhappiness. people love differently so make it a point to learn eachothers styles of demonstrating it.

Answer 10

Please read Bhagavad Gita that will answer most of your question. Personally I feel that father is father whether he was good to you or not. Afterall his genes are running in your blood and just imagine what would be your position if your son/daughter reject you for some cause which you have never imagined that would hurt them and you did it to them in their young age. You will not like and more ever pardoning a person is always good for you and increases your character manifold. Sorry if I have offended you. All the best.