How do I deal with this?

Question

I am with a man for 4 and 1/2 years now and he has a 5yr old son by his most recent ex. While his son is lovely I still have issues with the fact that he told me about him 2 years into the relationship and I still have to accept the fact that he is still friendly with his ex. Over the x-mas hols I just wanted to disappear and go somewhere on my own because ex was in contact with him alot (his son was spending these days with us) and they were exchanging texts and wishing each other a great holiday. While this is supposed to be a good thing since they have a child together, I was pissed off because he already had his son. why did he need to be in contact with her? Am i being immature or would anyone else feel similar?

Answer 1

Hey,
Well, there is no reason that you shouldn't be mad. You have every right to be pissed off because he didn't tell you about the child until 2 years into your relationship and then he stays in touch with his ex. However, because they have a kid together it would explain that they are keeping in touch. A few text messages isn't harmful, so don't worry about that, but if they keep seeing each other and stuff like that you might want to talk to him about it, because maybe she isnt over him. Since he has been with you for 4 and 1/2 years I'm sure he really likes you and didn't want to jeprodize your relationship with the idea of his son. Don't worry, just talk to him. Good Luck! ;)

Answer 2

I would feel the same way. It's very hard when the guy u are with has contact with his x in this way, but they have a young son and onfortunately this is going to continue for many, many more years to come. This is an issue that is most likely not going to change so u need to either accept it and try to learn to handle it somehow, or u will need to move on because it will drive u crazy with insecurity. You have been with him long enough that u should be able to sit down and let him know how u feel. Tell him u realize they have a child together and need contact, but that it makes u very uncomfortable when they talk on a social basis rather than just about the child. You are the woman in his life now and he should respect that and not do things that make u sad or insecure. See what comes of your talk with him and make your decision from there. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hello there - you are not being immature. This is a tough situation to be in. You are expected to accept this huge thing that effects your relationship. What you need to remember is that your man and his ex broke up and now he is with you. If he wanted to be with his ex, he would. You need to get over the jealousy and resentment of your situation. It sounds like you are feeling a bit ripped off by the whole thing... Not surprising. If this guy is worth it, you have to make the best of the situation and be his true partner on the days that he has his son. His ex is going to be in contact of course while her son is there and you just have to play a greater part in the relationship. Get to know her and show her that you have her son's best interests at heart. If she feels you are looking after him when she is not around, she might stop calling and trust that everything is going well. It will take you some time but you will get used to the situation and try to keep the relationship with the ex positive and she may back off and realise that you and your man need time. Cheers

Answer 4

Ask yourself why it is that you have sustained this relationship. Was he aware of this son of his all along? Did he anticipate your negative reaction to such a topic or feel perhaps the relationship w/ you may not be longterm? Creation takes 2 and parenting is a full time job & should be shared. Their relationship wasnt sustainable obviously because they are not together as a couple. The fact that they can communicate in a friendly manner is great news! It is for everyones mutual benefit including & most of all their childs! You fear a connection they share which you feel doesnt include you. Infact it does as the child was spending time in your shared household right? Is it that you would like the relationship to evolve into something stronger? Communicate your needs & minor insecurities to your man. I am a mother myself, who shares holidays with & without my child (though I have sole physical custody). It is hard to let go of your lil one... & holidays can be a touchy emotional time. They at one time shared some level of love which produced an outcome. For some it takes years if ever to reestablish a reasonable connection with an ex. If you cannot embrace his unconventional family which he may or may not care to add to... you have to leave that relationship, work on yourself & find a more suitable one to your needs. Learn that relationships are communication & never stop being about that... allowing trust through knowing your value :)

Answer 5

No that does not make you immature. Sometimes we try so hard to be understanding about things that we loose focus on reality. The reality is that you have someone that you care about you do not like the idea of him talking to another female. It is just that simple. That doesn't mean that you are jealous but you do feel somewhat disrespected (big difference). You should tell him and make him understand about your discomfort. If he has an open mind there is no way he cannot see where you are coming from. Tell him to put the shoe on his foot. To sum it all up, you do not have to put up with situation just to prove that you are secure in your relationship. good luck.

Answer 6

I think it is good for the child for the parents to get on as long as it is just friendly - if he loves you and you trust him it should be fine. Tell him how you are feeling and see if he reassures you

Answer 7

u have all right ,security in a relation is essential ,and u feel its threatened ,face him and tell him i prefer u to keep your relation more directed towards the child than your ex.

Answer 8

There is a big differece between getting along and doing what they were doing. Tell him to knock it off or your history.

Answer 9

If you have these qualms and can't resolve them by talking it out - then dump him.

Answer 10

yess