I need REAL parenting advice please! Not, "oh just hit him some more and he'll stop eventually!" thanks!

Question

I'm pulling my hair out of my head!! My husband and i dont agree on much of anything concerning parenting OR marriage! I dont know how to handle either one of them... son just turned 3... I am looking for some good parenting books, you know, all the ones I should have read BEFORE I had a child!! Basically I am looking to formulate my parenting strategy from scratch... I am in Korea right now away from fam and friends, and i need some books regarding everything from gentle thoughtful discipline, to limiting the amounts of television my child watches, to how to best enable him in social situations with peers.. ie: when do I in interject, before or after he hits another child, or is himself hit by said child???!!! what to do?!?! just need help! thanks in advance to all helpful answerers!

i am writing down all the books you have listed and am going to the lib. tomorrow!!! thank you all SO much!!

Answer 1

The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears
The Successful Child by Dr. Sears
Adventures in Gentle Discipline by Hilary Flower
Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley
Raising Your Spirited Child by Kurcinka
Kids, Parents & Power Struggles by Kurcinka
How To Talk So Children Will Listen & Listen So Children Will Talk by Faber & Mazlish
Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber & Mazlish
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

Answer 2

I wouldn't put too much faith in a book, I've read a great many of them and none of them are right. With children, and indeed with anything, there are other factors to consider than merely punishment. There is positive reinforcement, which is giving him treats and praise for doing the right things. Negative reinforcement, which I don't pretend to understand very well, and it doesn't seem to be very effective anyway. Punishment, which is what you do.. grounding, hitting him, all of that. And extinction--taking him out of the situation so that the negative situation cannot occur. I would use a subtle combination of all of these; for example, punish him when he hits another kid, explain why it is wrong. The real trouble with the child, though, is likely your relationship with your significant other. If there's a problem at home, the child senses it and reacts the only way he knows how. You might want to find some time for some romance, hire a baby-sitter, get out and just talk. Don't bring your baggage from home with you, but when you're back home, try to have a relaxed conversation about the best way to rear your children--compromise. You take some of his ideas, and he'll take some of yours and you can come to a strong over-all strategy together. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Many times rasing a child is common sense. He is now 3 and it would be a great time to get him in a pre school for 2 hours. Check with some of your friends or your local school for help. I am sure you can find something in Korea. Have a sit down with hubby and discuss the problem...not scream the problem...discuss them.
Have a time out chair at the ready and make sure he uses it when it is needed. He only needs to sit in it for a couple of minutes to get the idea across...or until he stops screaming and can talk to you about why he was put there....he can do this at 3, too bad you didnt do it at 2.
Hitting is always a no no and should be firmly told so and if needed the time out is great. I only need to do a swat when all else fails and then it is only a light one and a sit down on the chair. My granddaughter becomes quiet when I threaten a swat or chair and we discuss her problem. No I am not a mental case with her and...she still gets a swat when needed but not to the extent my children got them.
Remember to keep calm, walk away if needed, screaming doesnt help. Lots of picture books, crayons, play dough, park.
If you can get dad into it great if not then take it on yourself and dont blame or scream at him for being a bad parent. He cant parent and you can so use your common sense and parent.
Good luck, its a job but you can do it.

Answer 4

there are some great books by a lady who's name I believe is Ann Martian. I think it's called the mother of all baby books.. however she also has one regarding toddlers etc. She is a canadian author, and I'm not sure if you're looking for a local author or what...

It's really hard to raise a child when your husband and you have different views.. I would sit with your husband and talk about what's allowed with your child and what's not allowed, come to a compromise so you both are happy, and then post a chart in your house to remind you both of the rules you're going to stick with.. This will also help your son. My husband and I also did something similar to this as we found that when I was home I was discipling the children for one thing and when he was home with them he was discipling for others.. It's really hard to stay on the same page with your significant other when it comes to parenting, but if you don't you're child will be getting mixed signals and start playing the two of you against each other..

The best of luck to you!

Answer 5

I see that a lot of these folks have written down some great books here, there's one called What to Expect When You Are Expecting, and they have a version for Toddlers. It not only covers behavior issues, but health ones as well. It would be nice to read something that encompasses both.
What worries me as well is the problems you mentioned b/w you and your hubby. My hub and I had similar problems and we've worked them out. We sit down and discuss how we want to raise him and we always show him that we are a united front. You need to this as these are the most impressionable years. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Hi I'm reading a book called "Toddler Taming" by Dr Christopher Green it has some great ideas on child behaviour and how to discipline your child and other things we need to know to help us with these little treasures!! Good luck

Answer 7

There are two amazing books: Kids are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso and The Discipline Book by Dr Sears. Those 2 books saved me and helped me become a better parent. Dr Sears is all about gentles discipline. He is awesome.

Answer 8

I don't know of any good parenting books (but i are sure they are out there) I tried my own style of parenting and it has worked well for us and also for others.
We never hit....strictly hands off in the hitting department you can not tell a child not to hit if they dont like something then hit them for doing what you dont like them doing. Also no yelling as this only teach's them to yell, a firm controlled voice and get down to thier eye level.
Time out or item removal as punishment. And do not give it back until the set time is up for the punishment.
Dont tell them off until they have done something wrong or until they are in the middle of the act/hit then in a firm even toned voice tell them that it is not right and why then send them to time out. If your child hits they should say sorry ASAP.
Always hug them a few minutes after you tell them off just to re-assure them of your love.
Tell them everyday several times a day thet you love them.
Most of what you learn as a parent comes from other parents and from experience. It's all a matter of trying different things but stick to what you trial for a few months as it takes time to master anything.
Good luck

Answer 9

An excellent book to start with is called "How To Behave So Your Child Will, Too." It is written by Sal Severe and is by far one of the best books I have come across. The advice is respectful and goes along with what I have learned and tried myself.

Answer 10

When our first child arrived, my best friend gave me "Parenting for Dummies." It's a very broad minded book, that gives several point of views and reasoning on differing subjects. I really enjoyed this book, and have since passed it on to another friend who has toddlers. It gives really good insight into our kids.

But first and foremost, you and your husband have to get on the same page with your kids or they will become confused and learn that when one says "no," the other one can be manipulated into saying "yes."