Im scared of getting involved, why is that? And what should i do to change it?

Question

Well basically when i meet a guy i flirt till at the point where he wts to ask me out then i just shut down, i ignore that subject totally, what in hell is wrong with me? i want a bf really, i just can't seem to except it, Why? im 20 and i am sooo much fun, sexy, cute and i love dancing why can't i be happy with someone

Answer 1

Perhaps you don't really need to change what you are doing.

I would say the fact you are fun, sexy, cute etc is a brilliant thing and you should be enjoying yourself- including flirting. No-one says you have to have a boyfriend, maybe you are more interested in spreading your wings and having some fun at the moment? That's not wrong.

Just be open to the idea of having a relationship and see how that goes. Do you know what you are scared of. I used to say I wanted a boyfriend but was having so much fun suiting myself it wouldn't actually have worked!

Don't worry. Have fun and see what happens. I'm sure you can be happy with someone but maybe not right at the moment?

If you want more advice and moral support check out
http://www.willhecall.com/home.php

Answer 2

Thank God you can't get involved. What a gift. Don't follow the crowd. Be an indivivdual. The reason you can't get involved is cause so many men or so not right. They should understand you better than you understand yourself, don't you think? Unfortunately most cassonovas fall in that category to honesty and sincerety are important. A hint of a lie and get out. Try a book on emotional intelligence in the area of self or relationships. A word to the wise. Of course you need to get the book that works right for you. Understanding your gift of intuition by searching the net on that subject, will make it so you can see the right man across the room, practically. Your intuition be your guide. Most people follow their feelings which is mostly physical. A soul mate is in the mind, a connect mentally. Love is better than sex.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Emotionalintell/?yguid=293593604

Answer 3

Well you no that u are not shy but I think you are making a big deal out of the whole bf thing. Instead of just saying no as soon as the guy asks u tho meet up with him maybe you could suggest both of you coming to the same place as you are when you meet so its not a big deal you are just coming back to the same place with your mates and so is he. Good luck

Answer 4

It sounds like deep down your not really ready for a relationship. Im going through the same thing at the moment. Ive been through so much crap with men but i still really want a relationship but then when it comes down to it being around a man for too long at the moment starts doing my head in. Just be patient, all good things come to those who wait. XX

Answer 5

There are many possible contributing factors why you get scared of getting involved.Maybe,
you've seen it in your family or friends.You haven't met the right guy yet.You don't know how dating goes,etc.
Wait for someone who enjoys the same stuff like you do so you can have fun together.
And remember if you are not happy alone, you cannot be happy with someone as well.Happiness comes from within.

Answer 6

it would seem you feel quite happy when you are in control while doing the flirting but as soon as the control maybe shared and they start to make a move on you,you clam up but if the signals are there what do you expect them to do? you are saying "im interested" but pull away when asked out. it may be wise for you to tone down the flirting and be a little more discreet,,the chances are you are outgoing,happy,at ease with your looks but also slightly insecure,yes you can be both,,one is a cover you have worn for so long you no longer know you are wearing it. there is no need to be all shy but take your time,,there is no rush and if you allow them to react to your small talk you have a chance to get yourself together,conversations do not all have to be about flirting,,a little will do as long as you are comfortable and if you can learn when you do it it is easier to slow down.this is where you can start to learn about who you are and what makes you tick,,you know you can flirt there is no challenge but now maybe it is time to see if you can just talk,,woman to man,,try it,,you are at the bar,you ask him the time,he tells you and you start chatting because you just know he thinks you are interested,,admit it you have done it,,,,,,,next time,ask him the time,smile and say 'thank you' chit chat by all means,,dont lean in,dont play with your straw/glass,dont play with him basically,,you asked the time and thats it,you owe him nothing.if you learn to seive out all the crap you will be better at finding the gold and your practice will come in handy.

Answer 7

You have to realize that just because you are dating someone doesn't mean that you stuck with this person for the rest of your life.

BF's will come and go.
Have fun while you arwe young, you only live once.

You should be out on hot dates instead of asking questions on here.

Answer 8

Don't stress it, you're only 20 and quite a few years before you reach desperation stage, so go with the flow and there just might be someone you simply might not be able to resist. Maybe you're just want the guy to grovel and keep pursuing you before you finally give in.

Answer 9

Follow your instincts sweetie - flirting is fun and when you're ready to move onto the next step you'll probably find that you are ok with this. Don't move on in a relationship just because you feel you should, do it because you want to.

Answer 10

Being scared is perfectly normal--if you go out with someone and you are completely relaxed that's the person to try to be serious about. It's up to the guy to make you feel comfortable, relaxed and attracted to him. You just need to find the right guy.
If you are like you described you could probably date whoever you choose to--so choose well.