What do you do when your husband asks for help, but won't take it?

Question

I am moving out in the morning. I am staying with a friend until my new apartment becomes available. My husband, for over 24 hours has been drinking and huffing (?). After 6 hours he had drank 18 sixteen oz Budweisers, beating his head against walls, threatening suicide and stabbing himself in the arm after beating himself. He has also several times said that he was going to go kill someone else so he could get the death penalty. I went to the police station. They told me they can't do anything until he physically hurts me. I went to the court house. They said they can't do anything. I called his doctor. They said take him to the hospital or call an ambulance. He screams for help, but won't take it. The ambulance can't MAKE him go. I have tried everything to get him help. He says he needs help, but won't take it. What now? I have tried everything I can think of, everything that was suggested in the last answers about this.

I have tried the police. They said they can do NOTHING until he physically hurts me.

Answer 1

Have the police take him 5150. That he is drunk or under the influence, he is hurting himself and threatening to go out and kill somebody. If they still don't do anything, get what you said to them documented. If e is taken 5150, they should hold him involuntary for 72 hours of observation, which means he has no choice but to stay there. If there is no 5150 "procedure" in your area, ask the local police dept, what is the closest thing that they have to it. Otherwise, just ignore it, cause he's trying to control what you do by threatening to hurt or actually hurting his self to make you stay, or at least that is what it sounds like to me.

Answer 2

Woman to Woman you need to get out. I am sure you love him madly, but think about it without that in your mind. Do you want children in a house with this man in that condition? Do you want to watch the condition accelerate until it is out of control? Are you willing to risk yourself and your safety in the event he really does loose it?
Yes you can have him commited against his will to get help. Yes you can seek counseling. After all of that do you think it will make a difference. If so then try it and be strong. If you don't then love him from far away.
I was married to an emotional and mentally abusive man. It took me five years to get a little better and I still am not right. My children are a different story one hate her dad for his anger and behavior and the other worships him because she was too young and the oldest took the brunt of the hatred. However my youngest thinks her dad will come kidnapp her since he tried to take them once before legally, and was stripped of custody. Unstable people stay that way.

Answer 3

I think you did not get the right answer from the police. If someone is actively suicidal, they can be placed in a mental hospital on a 72 hour hold.(danger to SELF or others) call the police again, tell them he needs to be put on a 72 hour hold because he is a danger to himself. If that doesn't work, I would call your county social services department & see what they can do. You have to get someone who is in mental health, not just anyone in social services. Also, you could look up NAMI (national association for the mentally ill) and see what your options are. they are also on line. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Leaving for your own safety sounds like the best bet for now. If there are family members and/or friends that might help you (maybe including clergy if you have a relationship with someone in the clergy) with an intervention which would be designed to confront him about the issues.
The hardest part to accept is that you truly cannot force his decision. You have to make decisions YOU can live with somewhat contingent on the decisions he makes.
You may even find that the "tough love" of you leaving helps give him the motivation to actually accept the help being offered to him.

Answer 5

I was going to give a lengthy reply to this question, but instead I'd suggest you read the very informed answer by 'gardensallday'.
This is 100% accurate and is exactly what I do regularly with mental health patients. Any paramedic or police officer failing to act in this manner is clearly in breach of their 'duty of care'.
The only complicating factor is that many mental health doctors will not /cannot assess a patient whilst the patient is still intoxicated.

Answer 6

you need to call a 5150, and that is what they call it here. I don't know where you live, but they call his excessive drinking and threats domestic violence here...I dont understand why they won't pick him up for 72 hours observation in a mental facility...you might want to cal the local mental hospital, and tell them your feelings...when he is screaming out and making those threats, get a cell phone and secretly let the officers here it on tape,...and I think they will take him...if they don't and they have it on tape that he is threatening suicide or to help others, they just might be facing a lawsuit if he kills himself or hurts someone...Good luck darling, you are wise to leave under these circumstances...he might just come to his senses...plus, if he is doing criminal activity in your house, you don't want to go to jail either just for being there.

Answer 7

I have a son who has a similar problem to your husband and my heart goes out to you. No one knows how terrifiying this situation is unless they have experienced it. The first thing you need to do is to protect yourself, and you say you are moving out in the morning well I suggest you move out now. Your husband has so much anger boiling inside him that he is dangerous to himself and others, you can't protect him so please do whatever is necessary to look after yourself. You can get accomodation at a refuge etc and although you might not feel too keen to do that,it will give you a safe place till you sort things out. You might just help him too. By the way, my son is now sober, and with his wife and children, and all is good. I hope and pray that you will have the same happy outcome. Be strong.

Answer 8

If he wants help, he has to go freely. if not , nothing to do.
well yes, go to court and have him declared that he cant take care of himself. if the judge says yes, you can intern him against his will, but once out, he will do the same and wait that he does a criminal action. Hope its not on you, and sorry who gets it, but this is how law moves.

Answer 9

do you got an elephant gun?
sounds like you need one
pop a tranq dart in his ***

or spike one of his beers with gravol or something
should knock him right the **** out

i wouldnt advise a taser, as people extermly intoxicated can withstand them in some cases

Answer 10

Call the police and have him put in jail for the night, and you need to get some counsling on how to help yourslelf. you can't can't your husband but you can learn how to help your self to change.