I have a relative who's kind of a cousin (we're related through our great-grandmother, meaning my grandma and his are sisters). We weren't very close in the past years.
But since the end last year (around October or so) we sort of got into contact through a party. After that we've become pretty close. We message (text, SMS, whatever you chose to call it) each other numerous times everyday (20, 30+ messages every day. Please bear in mind that I live in a message addict country - Singapore).
We talk on the phone occasionally and in both our conversation and messages we talk about a gazillion things. Both personal and light.
I kind of didn't realize this until recently, but how is this relationship viewed? My boyfriend kind of think that there is more to it than friendship although I disagree. He then told me that I don't realize it but probably the guy wants more than friendship.
To me though, its kind of ridiculous 'cause we're still family. I need opinions. Thanks.
2007-01-02 21:58:40 · 14 answers · asked by Diamond 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
tricky. i'm from singapore too, i know how conservative the culture of dating can be like. it's strictly platonic i understand, but your boy may feel insecure because he feels that your attention to guys should be solely doted on him.. besides, the relation is so distant that its possible for these 2 people to be attach to one another. i feel that, personally, a guy would know better about what another guy might be thinking because they're guys. i'm sure if your positions were to trade, you wouldn't want him to be so close (even be able to exchange 30 smses a day!) to a girl, even if they're relatives, right? explain your situation to your cousin (whose also a singaporean and dwells in the same culture right?) and as your friend he'll probably understand.. and if he protests it could mean he's looking at you as more than a friend. hope this helps.. and all the best, ya? :)
2007-01-02 22:07:12 · answer #1 · answered by Melody 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seeing as you are close to this guy, just ask him how he sees your relationship with each other.
You can be close, but if you are getting too close to him, your boyfriend will think that you are telling your cousin everything, and telling your boyfriend nothing.
You are probably not as close to your boyfriend as your boyfriend would like. Make sure you spend time with him and share things with him too. Even if you and your cousin will only ever be friends only.
And your bf could be right. Guys think about sex - all the time. Espescially younger men. Your cousin might be wanting more from you, maybe not. You have to talk to him about it. And just because you are family, that won't stop him.
I have heard some pretty bad stories (real stories, not made up) , like one guy who tried to shag his sister. Strange things happen. If its all innocent, then that's great. But you need to keep a certain distance. Friend can act like brother/sister but even as close as they get, there is still a very big, very real line that never gets crossed.
2007-01-02 22:09:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anna K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you are fond of this cousin of yours. If you are able to send 20, 30+ messages to your boyfriend just like how you do with this cousin of yours then it's alright but if this cousin has more attention than any other person especially your boyfriend then i guess maybe the cousin is getting more serious especially if he is the one who starts the messages.
Think about this a little bit yourself. You are the only one who will know what you feel inside and you sound very smart to read between the lines your cousin is sending to you.
2007-01-02 22:06:17 · answer #3 · answered by poncho4u 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong with having a close friend of the opposite gender. I think there are two things you need to sort out.
1) You need to tell your boyfriend that you're not after anything more from your cousin.
2) You need to ensure your cousin views your friendship the same way you do.
2007-01-02 22:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Tom :: Athier than Thou 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK, firstly if you happened to hook up with him it wouldn't be incest, you are like 3rd cousins so you aren't even closely related with him, only 1st cousins having a sexual relationship is illegal (i think).
But you say there's nothing going on but friendship, but if you're text messaging him alot, then you might wanna think about whats really happening, it could all be just innocence friendship but other people may not view it like that.
Personally i wouldn't do anything with one of my relies, no matter how distant we are by blood.
2007-01-02 22:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to date my grandfathers sisters granddaughter. Basically the same as you. and yes I fell in love with her. but we knew it would never work out if we wanted to have a family because we are of the same blood. Mixing the same blood could be harmful to a child.
That was 35 years ago today we are both happily married with someone else but are still close, not sexually but still very close. If you want to be with him it's all right I believe however don't take a chance on harming your kids.
2007-01-02 22:20:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I guess it depends on how hot your cousin is and also how do you feel about retardation ? If you have a favourable view of retardation go ahead and produce offspring.
2007-01-02 22:31:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Easy, catch up with him with your partner to halt any secret ideas that could leave you in the sh-t! Show him all the messages if he wants as obviously you have nothing to hide.
2007-01-02 22:25:29 · answer #8 · answered by Mosez 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he definately wants more the question is do u know what u want.if u love ur boyfriend then i suggest that u cut down on d amount of messages that u send to him
2007-01-02 22:06:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, that's kind of cousin-to-cousin relationship that needs kind of bonding...
2007-01-02 22:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋