Do your parents obviously favor one of your siblings more then you? what is their excuse?

Question

I am the oldest (20)and have a younger brother(17) and for a long time my parents have shown blatant favoratism towards my brother. this isn't your typical case where someone thinks they are yelled at more and the other one gets more attention. my brother is a little tyrant and they still treat him better than me. I know that they like me better as a person because my brother is a horrible person and they both know he is because that's how they raised him because they always let him have is way, i didn't turn out that way because because i have lived walking on eggshells trying not to get screamed at for anything i do. they have agreed that he is a little jerk but still treat him better than me, for a lng time they'd deny it but finally my mom admitted it and said he gets treated better because he likes to watch sports with my dad and go to movies and go fishing with him and i don't.

i have talked to many people about this and have met a few others with similar problems with favoritism. some people who i have talked to say it's because he's the boy and others say it's because he's the baby. i have only encountered one other person who has a case as extreme as mine and her older brother is the favorite. in her case her parents also denyed it for a long time and when they finally admitted it their excuse was because she was a bad kid although now they also agree that they like her better as a person but they still treat her brother better to the point where she needs to pay twice as much rent as he does even though she's going to school and he isn't and he makes more money than her and she also has to do more around the house.

my question is: what is the most extreme favoritism among siblings you've experienced and what was the reasoning for it?

ander, yes i have already moved out twice. the first time i had to move back home because i left my ex but things were even worse than before. things got really bad and my brother was pretty much making my life miserable making up stories to get me in trouble. my new boyfriend told me if things got too bad then we could always move in together so one night after a bad fight i called him and said i needed to leave the sooner the better, the next day we started looking for a place to live. the 1st of the next month we moved in together and i'm much happier now. my brother is a sponge and has already told my parents he'll live there until he's 30 and i'm sure they won't make him pay rent like they made me pay rent ($350 a month for a small bedroom to sleep in and the meals they cooked that i was never home for) it sucks because they still expect me to visit them and pretend like everything has always been okay and never try to make thing right between us

thank you nthnl_barnes but my family is not religeous and my mom wouldn't listen to anything i'd have to say about jesus or god, in fact she'd think my boyfriend has brainwashed me because he comes from a religeous family and it would only please her more to prove her right that he is secretly trying to convert me because she's been accusing him of that all along

Answer 1

my mom favors my sister who is 10 years younger than me. i had to do house work and babysit the other kids and my sister never had to even make her own bed, but you know what? my sister turned out to be an alcoholic and a bad mom and i can honestly say that i am a good mom and i don't drink . all of my kids graduated and have good jobs and are very responsible people. my sisters only son did not finish school, drivers ed., and does not hold down a job or anything else. i guess my childhood stunk bit i became a better person for it. good luck.

Answer 2

I've experienced this from the other side. I've always been the favourite in our family, but it hasn't made my life any better, really. My sister and I grew up with a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic father. He never touched me once, and it was a very rare occasion that he yelled at me or anything, but watching him to it to my mother and sister was hell. I did everything I could to support the two of them through it all, while feeling guilty for being left untouched.
My parents both favoured me over my sister. In response to our home environment, I became a quiet person and concentrated on my school work, kept a low profile. My sister, on the other hand, did the whole rebellion thing and spent most of her life getting into trouble with the police, with drugs, with everything she could think of. My dad kicked her out when she was 14.
It's rather ironic that my parents rejected her because of her behaviour when 1. they were the cause of it, and 2. they behaved the exact same way when they were young.
So, I was the favourite because I caused no problems, I got straight A's in school, met a nice guy, got married, had two gorgeous kids of my own, etc etc etc.
The consequences of my upbringing are that I am suffering severe depression, bordering on psychosis, with an underlying acute anxiety disorder with a tendancy to catastrophic panic attacks. And that's just the beginning.
My father gave up drinking a few years ago now, and is much more tolerable, but I have a long way to go before I'll be able to forgive him for what he did to our family. And I'll include my mother in that, too, because she had plenty of opportunities to leave him behind and give us a happier life, but every time she chose to drag us back into that sh*t.

Answer 3

Yes.

I have an older sister and brother. They're always the best to my parents.

Probably because they inherit the same business-drive they do. When my sister turned 16, 5 years ago, they got her a BMW sports car. When my brother did 7 years ago, they got him a Lamborghini. Me? I got NOTHING. I had to ask and plead and beg and in the end they gave me their car and they bought a new one.

It's not just the cars. It's everything they do. They got my older siblings apartments for their 21st birthdays and a gazillion other stuff throughout the year. I get practically nothing.

And the worst part is, I get the best academic and non-academic achievements, not the other two. I'm the one who impress all their friends. I'm the one who did all the stuff to be proud of.

Sorry, that whole stuff there just came out. I share your pain.

[EDIT] I don't think its just about being older or younger. I'm the youngest after all. People keep expecting me to be the spoilt one. And I'm not. So I don't know. I figure it must be something I did or something they did.

Answer 4

I was always the least favored. I had two brothers, my oldest passed away two years ago. The entire time I was growing up my mother told me she didnt have a favorite. When I was in my twenties and had my first child, she told me that now I would understand that the first one would always be more special to me. So, basically, she admitted it. (She was wrong, by the way, I dont have a favorite). My little brother was a spoiled brat who got away with everything. My mother protected him from my father, who would yell at me for whatever the little sh** did wrong. My mom told me that I was strong and I could take it better than my little brother. (My dad was not abusive, he just got loud sometimes, usually for a justified reason). The end result of all of this is that my older brother, who I did end up getting along with just before he died in his 40s, became successful and always treated my mom and dad with great respect. My little brother became an alcoholic who blames all his problems on my dad. As for me, I moved a state away. I love my parents, I respect them and they are good to me and my children. I just have to look at how they are toward me and not look at how I compare in their eyes to the other two. And though I did not share my older brothers successes financially, I am a stronger, more determined person than either of them.

Answer 5

aw, I'm sorry to hear about your issues. I was in a similar position, as I am the oldest too. I want to say its because you're the oldest and you have to show that you're an adult, but I don't think this is the case in your situation. I can agree that favortism is the devil in some families.
Your little brother sounds like a little heathen sorry to say. But just wait until he grows older, still living at home. You'll be on your own, prospering in your own way not depending on mom or dad. I agree that your mom gets mad at you for not visiting. My mother is like that.
But wait and see. You're old enough to realize that you don't have to take your parents advice, or listen to their heckling. They raised your brother to be a brat, and they'll have to live with that until he moves out...
be glad you have your independence. you don't have to walk on eggshells anymore

Answer 6

My sister is the smartest among us. she's a valedictiorian. I just get an honorable mention (which to some parents think is already a big deal). She can run for president in school while i can't. She sings but I sing too yet she gets more noticed. I'm better at drawing and art things but that never got the attention that she gets. My parents say they don't but they do. I don't think they notice it. I'll never forget the time when my own father said that "You know, when your sister graduated, we had reserved seats and when she was called she was the only one who stood for valedictorian while now since you got honors you go with the others who also get honors but you don't stand out like your sister." and that was my graduation day itself. Teachers even sometimes call me her name instead of mine. I also have school things like I used to be the literary editor of the school paper and I get awards for art also but they never notice it that much like my sisters. In fact when i tell them about thisa thay'd say "nice" or "good" but they'd suddenly go to whatever they're doing though it wasn't that important. There was a time my sister had to say a speech but it doesn't require the attendants of both parents and i also had this thing for a literary contest. I sudgested that maybe my dad can go see her speech and mom can see me or vice versa, but they both was only there for my sister. Though she always do this and the literary contest only comes once a year and that was my first time to enter it. It sucks i try to tell them but they don't mind. Why does it have to be this way? I already tol my parents about it . They listened and said they'd try to but as usual promises are broken.

Answer 7

Yes, my parents favor all my other 4 siblings over me. I don't see myself as an integral part of the family... never really have. My parents paid for my sister's braces, new car and wedding arrangements... and they did nothing for me. I am the one that needs braces and I can't afford it, but my parents never volunteered to help me out. I've always been looked down on by my entire family and my father once told me that he wishes he never had me because I don't earn as much as my siblings. I hate them -- all of them!!!! I've been crying my eyes out worrying about the welfare of my parents for years, and all they have done is make me the black sheep of the family all these years. They never say bad stuff about my other siblings... it's always me at fault!!! Shelly, if you have the cash, move out of your family and stay far away as possible from them. You don't want to be 30 and not have a way out because you have committed yourself to looking after ageing parents. Let your brother do that since he is their favorite... you deserve better treatment than that.

Answer 8

I was the only one that stayed in the town where my mom & dad lived (out of five siblings) so my siblings (i was the youngest) all thought my parents favored me. What they didnt know was when they came in to visit my parents told me to "stay away" because they didnt want my siblings to think that I was the "favorite" and it made my siblings mad because i wouldnt come around to visit and they never believed my reasoning for staying away. The really horrible thing was that my mother talked bad to each one of us about the other siblings and she at one time told me that her firstborn was her favorite just because he was her firstborn so there ya go!!

As for my kids i try to make it a point to let them know why they are each very special to me and try to spend one on one time with both of them.

Answer 9

Yeah my older brother. he moved away for four years came back now my mother does anything for him because she missed him so much while he was away. She denies it though but i can see it all the time. She does more for him then she does for me.

And that's shitty that your brother gets treated better basically because he is a boy

Answer 10

yes they favor him more than me i am also the oldest he has cp which is a crippling disease[ no excuse ] growing up he got everything he wanted while i stood on the outside, mom would buy him stuff,candy exc. and hide it and give it too him later she if i ask for anything she would litterally scream at me .while he would be having a ball i ran away at fifteen cause she threatened to send me off .i got married and had 4 kids she even had the nerve to ask me if any of my kids belong to the same dad .she resents me today if i talk toher today every sentance is about my brother never about me . my only solution is ignore it its hard to too but i had too it hurts so deep . keep your distance make them need you . they will trust me