so here it goes: we have met each other for about 4-5 times. he is the brother of an old classmate of mine. he wouldn't initiate a conversation and in general he doesn't talk much and in fact he does only when I talk to him about things that he knows and interest him (internet, photography, technology). it's not that he doesn't talk to me rather that he doesn't talk. we have never been alone, I have only seen him these 4-5 times that I went out for coffee with his sister. I think that he is interested, some times he looks at me in a certain way. In general he is the quite type. the sure thing is that I´m too shy to say something, that if I ask from his sister to be involved she may mess the whole thing. where to I go from here? any suggestions??
2007-01-02 21:49:40 · 18 answers · asked by Alexia L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My suggestion is ...if you think hes really shy ,and it bothers you some how then you try to break the ice and get over your shyness and try to open another type of conversation with him ,sometimes try to call him and talk to him in person and sometimes just ask him to go out alone with you ...things will be fine if you just stop being shy ,then he will try to open up with you!
2007-01-02 21:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by Mysterious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man who won't talk is unlikely to be a good companion. It's likely to be a firmly fixed habit. If he will only talk about things that interest him, personally, and shows no curiosity in what interests you personally, it's a double whammy. But if you refuse to be discouraged, there is one thing you have in common, and that is shyness. It just may be possible that if you tell him you are shy, and think he is too, you might be able to get him talking about personal things. The next step along that road is to show him by your responses that you are not going to be judgemental, or make him feel a fool when he opens up, or use anything he says against him later. If that doesn't work, I'd run. All that is something you must do yourself - not his sister though she might help if he has any relationship with her. As a man I found I could easily get people, including men, talking about personal things they did not talk to others about. I never knew why, or how, but just being quiet and calm inside seemed to do it. With women, intimacy cements a relationship, usually. But with men I found I had to be careful for some time thereafter to demonstrate to them that I wasn't going to use their "confessions" as a basis for a closer relationship than they were comfortable with, or as a means of getting some power over them. Men are mostly nervous fraidy-cats, for all their front of being big and bold! And men who have managed to fool themselves are even worse. It's a pain, but women have to thread their way around all that pretence to build the "safe" reliable relationship most men actually need so badly, and at the same time not diminish the man's fragile self-confidence. They're mostly little boys, lass. It's why they need their toys, and games, and so many rush off in middle age to pursue younger women to build their confidence on shaky ground. But little boys can be fun and lovely, too. I've had some great mates amongst men - but more interesting ones with women, perhaps because they can be more surprising - and educational! Good luck.
2007-01-02 22:11:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in order to talk to him, you need to ask open-ended questions. You know, questions that he can't answer yes or no. Questions that require him to think and explain. That is good that you know what his interest are. You can start from there. After he answers your question, don't wait for him to ask you one. Just give your own opinion on the question as well. Here, I'll give you an example. So let's say you ask him, "Hey, what's the best digital camera under $200 right now?" He'll answer it with whatever he knows blah blah blah. Then say, "Yeah, that is a pretty good camera, but I think I want something a little more compact, how about the blah blah blah." Easy, right? Good luck. I'm a shy guy as well, so just keep talking to him. Shy guys usually take time for them to open up. They have to get used to you first. Kind of like waiting for a flower to bloom. Takes a while when when you have to wait, but when they bloom, it's a miracle!
2007-01-02 22:00:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be shy to "show" his interest to you bcoz of the fear that U may not reciprocate or U may reject. But as a girl U have a gut feeling to know the hidden message of a guy.
Mostly guys are instantly attracted to us for closeness. It might be emotional or physical. I dont feel gettign close is anything wrong. If U R bold enough (I feel U R !!!), then go out for some more dates..... have some intimate discussion on love, s e x, intimacy...blah blah....
If U see he is trying to get close, then speak out YOUR intention. I hope U can guess what he wants from U.
Good luck.. and happy romantic new year ahead...
2007-01-02 22:00:49 · answer #4 · answered by leena_gupta06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you both involve in internet and technology why not chat online or exchange email to start and express your feeling or if you have mobile phone then send SMS short messages to each other ... its much easier and open to talk or chat online without seeing each other faces. When time is mature then set for a date and move on.
In this case you will not involve with his sister and you both have your privacy maintain.
Good Luck
2007-01-02 21:59:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what is it you like about him? If he's not a great conversationist... well, are you attracted to him because of his photography? Because he's cute? I'd say, figure it out - and then see if it's worth it. Because it seems like you would have to make the move - and if you do, and find out that you're not really that into him, then that's messy.
So I say wait. Figure out what's up - keep hanging around with your classmate, see if you can casually get to know him better before making the move. Good luck!!
2007-01-02 21:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by Cedar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what - Just chat to the guy, you will regret not talking to him, when he brings home another girl, becoz you were to shy to make a move!
Come on - it is not that hard!
2007-01-02 22:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you just need to come out of the shell and tell him how you feel because I think he is even gentler than you are so you need to tell him everything because shyness won't get you anywhere believe me.
2007-01-02 22:07:37 · answer #8 · answered by Susan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U haven't left any proof of ur shyness throughout ur question.
R u joking?
2007-01-02 21:57:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One needs to take a little alcohol, and what wants to be said will be said.
2007-01-02 22:11:14 · answer #10 · answered by kayef57 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋