I have been friends with this really "ghetto" black guy for over three years, more than twice as long as I've been with my boyfriend. He is a good friend and has always playfully joked about "riding them hips" and showing me "thug passion", and I wouldn't mention that he's black except that I know a lot of black guys are just very laid back about joking like that and it's not always a big deal to them because, at least a lot of them just have a more open attitude about talking about sex. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm stereotyping, I guess I just have been okay with him talking like this while I have a boyfriend because I know it's just a cultural way of talking. He used to just call once in a while and I would hang out with him with other mutual friends, but now he calls every day, and all he talks about now is sex. My boyfriend wants to beat him up and I feel conflicted because he is an old friend but he won't listen when I tell him to stop. What should I do?
2007-01-02 20:46:54 · 30 answers · asked by xNancyxSpungenxJr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he says stuff like, "girl, your man just ain't cutting it. what you need is a thug. you don't know it yet cause you've never had a thug go up inside you. i can sense how you're hurting and it hurts me, and i just want to help, etc." a couple times my boyfriend has picked up the phone and listened and confronted him when he didn't know anyone else was on the line, and my friend just calls him racist. it's a total mess.
2007-01-02 21:03:09 · update #1
He has gone too far with he sex talk. Once you ask someone to stop talking that they and he continues, then he is being very disrespectful. I would tell him that he is being disrespectful and ask him again to stop. If he continues this, then hang up on him. I know it is hard to break away from a friend, but it doesn't seem as if you have a choice.
You are not stereotyping; I understand what you mean when you mentioned that your friend was black.
2007-01-02 20:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm the black issue aside this sometimes will happen with male friendships I am afraid they will become attracted to you after you get with someone or after having been friends for a long time and things that used to be a long running joke or way of talking between you is no longer a joke or comfortable. It sounds like you have reached this point with ur friend if you're telling him to stop and he hasn't then I would advise you to let the friendship go because even if ur boyfriend wasn't an issue in this he isn't respecting you and how ur feeling in regard to his behavior.
I know it's hard especially since u have been friends for a long time but it would be the right thing for u to do in the long run.
2007-01-02 20:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen up little girl, there is a reason why ghetto black guys are looked at as *** holes, and i think you recently found out why first hand.
He has no respect and no depth. Not to mention the lack of class.
Don't get me wrong, its not that all black guys are like that, but ghetto blacks, trailer trash whites, i mean come on a little common sense, stay away from these types.
2007-01-02 21:04:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never let anyone disrespect you like that. He is just being a pervert and his color doesn't mean a thing. You should always demand respect from people and that is what you will get. Your boyfriend is taking up for your honor and the only reason your friend is calling more is because it is making your boyfriend mad. Now what kind of friend is that? You need to find friends who respect you and treat you like a lady.
2007-01-02 20:55:56 · answer #4 · answered by holliemay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you confused "black cultural behavior" with generally ghetto behavior. He's ghetto, and likes to flirt, and wouldn't be saying those things to you unless he felt you were deep down getting off on his sexual remarks. And since you go along with it, he probably thinks you really do like his flirting because you laugh and giggle and prenet all the signs of liking it. And so he doesn't respect your relationship with your boyfriend at all, and doesn't respect your wishes for him to stop the remarks.
And he might not feel he's even being disrespectful. He might think your one of those girls who likes flirting long enough, pretending it's just harmless play, until you eventually let him have you. Regardless to if you have a boyfriend.
Some girls do that and play those games.
2007-01-02 20:53:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh.. I'm not racist either, my best friends are black..
Run from this cat, he's bad news... stop being a silly white girl. If you love drama hangout and see what happens.. if you have any respect for yourself, cut off all contact with this "brother" immediatly.
Also, you read that "Once you go black you can't go back" comment... It's true... Because "we" won't have you back.. think about it.
2007-01-02 22:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by Champ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid og the black guy unless you like him better than your boyfriend than get rid of your boyfriend, but never cheat on him. If you do you're the bad person here. If this guy is ghetto do you really want to be with him? Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are, is a famous saying! Remember this.
2007-01-02 20:51:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that any friend black or white trying to get you to cheat on your boyfriend is not really a friend. I am also from the "getto" and I don't talk like that. I think you need to find new friends. It is not the "getto" cuture to act like that. I know a lot of rich people that would try to do that too.
Find a new friend. Anyone that wants you to cheat it is not worth it, remmber if he acts like that with you how do you know he doesn't act like that with other behind your back.
2007-01-02 20:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by jm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing you have to do is stand up for yourself. You shouldn't let anyone disrespect you. You must explain to him that while his friendship is valued you not continue to listen to his raunchy advances at the risk of losing your boyfriend who I assume you have deal feeling for. If he doesn't respect your wishes then he's not a true friend. Because if he were he would want to see you happy.
2007-01-03 13:39:01 · answer #9 · answered by DA_DARKSIDE 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your bf beat him up. He talks about sex because he wants sex. You're not his friend you're someone he wants to have sex with. Jokes are half truths; this guy would jump you in a heartbeat if you let him. If he was your friend he wouldnt' be trying to get in your pants he would respect you and your relationship
2007-01-02 20:50:37 · answer #10 · answered by uknowme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋