how do you stop loving someone, who means the world to you and move on?

Question

i was with this guy for almost 3 yrs ,was an incredible relastionship for me with the usual fights.i got hurt b4 so i coudnt trust him very well which led to me accusing him an a myriad of other arguments all the time.he recently broke up with me about a couple mths now he had various reasons the main one being that he felt ''tied down'' and didnt want to deal with it anymore he sounded fed up.since then i tried a lot to get him back even though i was wrong in most ways he had his ways as well cussing and making me an emotional wreck.i have tried to stop calling him i cant stop myself what do i do help?! i want to be with him so badly i really do love him since we broke up we talk everyday (i call) he or i isnt with anyone else he tells me he loves me all the time an we met a few times recently an he moved like it yet he says he dosnt want to be in a relationship.i dont know how to let him go.i want him back.i am an emotional wreck help!

Answer 1

give it time and space. If he was telling you he felt tied down, doesn't want to be in a relationship then give him the space he is asking for. Concentrate on yourself for a while. Get involved in activities surrounding you and other people (other than him) around you. Try to stay away from things and places that remind you of him, and if you can't, make new memories with someone else, a girlfriend perhaps. Deal with your trust issues. Its going to hurt and hurt bad for a while. but eventually, you have days where you don't think about him at all. The loving him part doesn't go away. But eventually, you deal with the pain better as you go on. Stop calling him.... it only extends the hurt even though it temporarily relieves the pain.

Answer 2

Let her use her own mind and ideas. At 26 after kids, bankruptcy and everything else, she's probably not feeling the "club clothes" and smoky eyes and get real, a mini skirt, I think she is a little more mature than that. There are no rules in marriage, there is give and take. On one hand it sounds like you are trying to help by making some time for the two of you, but on the other you want to dominate the time when you have a break without the kids and tell her what to do with it. Let her use her own ideas on fashion, go together and compromise. I can understand why you feel more like a paycheck than a husband, she may be feeling more like a child care provider than a wife. Sounds like your on the right path, just a need a little more guidance.

Answer 3

Your situation is very layered. You made the very bad mistake of bringing your past into this relationship effectively sabotaging it from the very beginning. This will make anyone feel tied down because of the lack of trust. You hurt so much because you feel at fault. There is nothing more taxing than being accused of something that you haven't even done. A relationship should always include the freedom of each partner. A freedom based on trust.
You wanted so much to be smarter than the next guy who was going to treat you bad that you gave this guy no chance.
Your healing will start once you look at this relationship as a learning experience. And hopefully you will learn that trying to control anyone or any situation is never going to work. You must, in time be willing to be vulnerable and trust unconditionally. Until you feel you are in a place to do this do not date for some time and make peace with yourself.
Remember this, there can be no fault of yours when you give yourself...your trust...unconditionally! If they fail to protect what you have given them to protect, then they don't deserve you.
Sometimes I go out to eat by myself because my wife goes to be early sometimes....she gives me a kiss and says "have a good time honey"! I can't wait to see her face again! That's what trust does!

Good luck sweetie!

Answer 4

All I know is that you have a problem. You may need professional help. I went through something similar( a break-up from a long term relationship) and it was hard to move on. Only time helped. You need to find something else to do to occupy your time. When you want to call him try you new hobby. You are addicted to him, so feel bad if you can't stop cold turkey. Take it one day at a time. Wow I remember the days.

Answer 5

It takes strength and time to get over a person that you love so much. I still love one of my ex's and we broke up 6 years ago. I just had to put it in my mind that he is no longer a part of my life and Ihave to move on. After a while I got over the part of me that still wanted to be with him. I will never stop loving him ( he was my 1st love). Find the strength to not pick up that phone and call him. If you really want ot be with him. Give him sometime to himself. If you 2 decide to get back to gether it has to be a mutual agreement. Don't try to force him into being with you. Just give it time . You will see what will happen. Hope things go well.

Answer 6

Just be satisfied to have him as a friend and don't plan anything more and if it is meant to be the two of you will grow closer and then you can go to the next level. If you were hurt before you may be carrying emotional baggage that he can't deal with so that as friiends you will be getting to the point where you do learn to trust again.

Answer 7

This is exactly what is sort of happening me - I currently feel an emotional wreck as I love him more than he loves me - and like you I get this cursing crap - end up in tears etc. cos I can't understand why he constantly disrespects me - the best thing I have learned is to ignore him - mirror him - treat him as sh*tty as he treats you so if he calls you a b*tch - hang up on him - he is NOT worth it - he should go back under the rock he crawled out of -its really horribly difficult espec if you are mad about him I know- focus on activities that can put him out of your mind- ANYTHING - go to the cinema, have a relaxing bubble bath, go to the gym - retail therapy- spend some time with the friends you probably neglected when you were with him!! take up a new hobby so that you surround yourself with people who treat you with way more respect- whatever you do don't ring as you know - easy for me to say I know and you prob know his phone number off by heart- the only way to get over him is to go out and do something new- no-one deserves this sh*t and if he really loves you - the more you ignore - the more he will think and react- he will see then that he is trully losing and may end up grovelling - but let him grovel - meet new people and wipe his existence out of you head - he can't be all of that - I know you think he is cos you love him and stuff but I think he is identical to my current boyf who is really insecure - he doesn't know if he loves you that is why he acts like a prick - he doesn't know if he can give his heart fully to you that is why you always end up calling him and he ends up playing stupid mind games with you- and you know be tough say you can't afford this crap and the fact that you are nice enough to call obviously goes unnoticed. Also tell him to stop giving you a daily head f**k tell him to put you straight - be blunt and direct - tell him you don't have time to waste but don't want to be lead down the garden path to a bush of thorns ;-) the more you ignore - the more you free yourself from this Alcatraz that you are letting him put you into - soon you will realise that you can do 10 times better than him and his insults will gradually fade - spend time with the friends who probably treat you 10 times better than him

Answer 8

If you feel that it is best to move on, then you should temporarily cut all ties with him. That is the bes strategy I can suggest. As some time goes by, you should still limit how much you talk to him because this can easily progress into talking everyday....and thus, a relationship can result.

Answer 9

sometimes letting go is so hard but it is easier then holding on to something that isnt there! u need to move on! i am not saying it is going to be easy! it is going to be pretty hard! but u need to do it soon and not just keep being a emotional wreck! and go find u a great guy that wants to be with u! i know u love him but u need to let him go..it seems that ur the only one trying to hold everything together! so just let go...the faster the better it will be. hope i helped! good luck!!

Answer 10

i heard that women can get over any thing as long as theres ice cream ! try that.

when im feeling down i pop open a bottle of aged wine and pour it on white carpet.