I need advice. Should I do something or just wait and see what happens?I?

Question

I have been engaged for seven months and planned to get married within the next year. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and live together. He was out of town and one of my ex's called and we ended up talking for like 4 hours. Now I can't quit thinking about him. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. I feel like I'm being unfair to my fiance by thinking of this other guy. I don't think I want a relationship with the other guy but I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him. Should I do anything like tell my fiance or just wait and see if I stop feeling this way?

My ex has kept in touch sort of. He calls on holidays and sometimes just randomly to "say hi" or "see how I'm doing". I have never given him the time of day until now. Usually I just blow him off and get off the phone as soon as possible.

Answer 1

It could be cold feet - you said you dont even know if youd want a relationship with your ex... he could be trying to get you back because he knows youre getting married soon... guys often want what they cant have. You dont know that hes genuine.

Try to remember why hes your ex.

Try to remember why you said YES to marry your fiance.

Id wait it out... dont have any more contact with your ex and see how you feel in a week or 2.

Chances are you be over it - or if you still keep thinking of your ex youll need to re-assess your feelings for your fiance.

Answer 2

Do NOT tell your fiance about this - trust me. It will only hurt your current situation. No good can come of it. If the other guy cared about you so much - he would never have fallen out of touch with you - period. It's nice to take a little stroll down fantasy lane. There's nothing wrong with enjoying that daydream a little - but you better KNOW that it is just that a DAYDREAM. He made you feel special for a few minutes - and that is a damn easy thing to do. It doesn't mean anything. Your fiance, whose stuck with you through thick and thin for the last 6 years is the real prize. Don't loose site of that and don't do anything to mess up the good thing you have going. Don't talk to the ex again. It isn't fair. Good Luck!

Answer 3

You are right, you aren't being fair to your fiance.

I've found that, when you are in a nice comfortable relationship, something or someone comes along and tries to screw it up. I myself am happily married, but a few months ago, an old friend came calling and wants to be with me. I cared about this person a lot, and wanted to be with him back in the day, but I love my husband. I thought about this other guy for a while, but I got over him, because I knew I had to.

I would cut off contact with this other guy, and stay with your man. Your ex is in your mind because he just popped back into your life. I wouldn't take a chance with him. There is a reason he is your ex, and you have 6 years with your man now. Be reasonable and smart. Good luck, I wish you the best in whatever you choose.

Answer 4

You should tell your ex that you want no further contact with him...sounds to me like you just need to cut the ties!! Since you haven't really done anything, as far as the ex is concerned, I personally would just stop all communication and get on with your life. I'm sure you wouldn't want your fiancee to be talking to old girlfriends....do unto others as you would have others do unto you, is always a good rule of thumb....treat people the way you want to be treated. In a relationship you need to remember that each person needs to give 100%....Many times I have heard people say it's 50-50......I disagree!! It takes two people giving everything they have to make a life together. If you have ANY doubt at all about your current boyfriend then I would do some serious soul searching before going any further in this relationship. Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 5

I suggest you break it off with your ex because why did he just decide to call you back now, what if it doesn't work out like before well everybody has feelings but you should just forget about him and go for your fiance and get married life goes on.

Answer 6

You should tell your fiance abt it n the two of you will decide what will be the best. The thing is you don't want a relationship with this guy so it's jus one of the fickling that he's giving you cause you r nervous abt spending your life with your fiance who will be the only one you will be with instead of being single n feeling free to do whatever you want when you r single. Come on, be honest abt it...

Answer 7

I think you should be open and honest with your fiance. The best way to understand why you can't stop thinking about this guy is to keep asking yourself various questions. You should also ask yourself why this person became your ex in the first place.

Answer 8

in my own opinion i feel this is just something "new and exciting" in a probly "stale" relationship. this 4 hour conversation is probly something you havent done in a long time with your fiance and you miss it. this old friend gave you something you are lacking and its exciting. i would think about telling your fiance you feel that the relationship is getting stale and you want to reconnect. no need to bring up the other guy cuz that will piss him off and make him wonder if u have cheated. just tell him you feel the fire is low and u 2 need to throw another log on the fire of your relationship.

Answer 9

If at all u imagine a clean life, be loyal to at least one of them. If you are gonna cheat ur fiancee, do it right now and run after ur ex. Dun make a mess by holding the fiancee and let ur ex hold ur pants. Its highly unhealthy. i am just telling you, you will probably end up with no-one or u might have to forego ur self respect once 4 all..

Peace,
PeppR

Answer 10

Ginger, tough question. You have quite a bit of time invested in your fiance, almost no time invested in the new guy. Are you seriously considering a trade?
If you definitely want the fiance, then honor him and honor yourself by respecting him. We all have our fantasies (mine is Sandra Bullock...but she doesn't know it) but they don't have to interfere with our daily life. I'm happily married and I talk with my wife about my fantasy (see above). She has her fantasy (Sean Connery) and I kid her about that. Life presents us with opportunities to fantasize, and to get into trouble. We have the control to decide which we want to do, which way we want to jump. Honor yourself and you will know the answer.