I lost my mum in Feb '99 & we were very close (as I was also with my late gran), I've since been diagnosed with anxiety/depression & have not worked since around 1999/2000 & am desperately wanting to work but when I get a job I have either no desire nor energy to continue with it... Ppl say "it gets easier with time"-bulls***! How can I continue with my life & at the same time not let my depression take control of my life???
2007-01-02 18:39:16 · 14 answers · asked by teddybearqld 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
yeah people always say it gets better with time... no it doesnt that is an out and out lie.....
what does happen is that life gets in the way of grief... we start having to do things... having to be around people.. and the grief has to eventually take a back seat...
I am never ceased to be amazed at how many people get diagnosed with anxiety and or depression about grief....
for goodness sake you would think that the medical world would wake the heck up and understand when someone you really loves dies....... you feel deeply saddened by it.... and that sadness is NOT an illness....
there are lots of things you can do... to help you reclaim your life after the loss of your mother... firstly get a really good counsellor... get one who has extensive interest in the area of grief and loss...
in Australia now you can get psychologist appointments bulk billed to medicare so long as you get a referral by a gp.... so dont worry too much about the money side of things...
before you start counselling decide what it is you want to achieve by going to counselliing... write it down and take that with you to your first session and talk to the psychologist about that....
the psychologist will hav lots of strategies to help you reenter life... and reclaim your life...
best of luck..
2007-01-02 19:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel you! All the crap people say doesn't help. Let me tell you how it really is, it sucks! I can sugar coat it and tell you a bunch of lies, but the bottom line is that it kicks your ass and breaks your heart.
Now for something a bit more useful. I did therapy, support groups, meds, etc. What helped me most was talking with people who had experienced loss. It made me feel less alone and more understood. I have come through some very challenging losses a better person. I still have days where I just want to cry and stay in bed, and it's ok. We just have to do it one day at a time, sometimes it's an hour at a time. You WANT to work, that is huge. There are also some amazing message boards out there for people dealing with loss. Please check them out, they were so helpful to me. Give yourself some credit, you deserve it!
2007-01-03 03:34:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you lose someone you love it is very difficult. As hard as it is to believe right now, time does help heal all wounds.
You say you have depression/anxiety, has your doctor put you on medication? It might help. Also seeing a therapist that you can talk to would help.
I have lost my grandmother with whom I was VERY close. It is hard to deal with.
Just remember that your mom is in your heart and memories every day. Would she be happy that your are so depressed over this, or would she want you to start moving on, remembering what was good with your relationship?
God bless you, I will pray for you.
2007-01-03 02:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by sisbee8 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you being treated for depression? If not, that would be a very good place to start.
If you are being treated for depression, it might be that you and your doctors haven't yet found the best combination of management tools for you. Keep trying.
You might also try a grief counsellor or a grief peer support group. But in your case, I'd suggest doing this only with the approval of your doctors
2007-01-03 03:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my aunt this summer, and I was very close with her. It was a tramatic loss for me . I too was very close with her. I find that if I have some fun, and try to occupy myself, I don't relive the experience constantly. Whenever I am doing nothing, and I just have my thoughts, I get very depressed. Journaling helps, but for me, I find that talking to someone I am close with helps even more. I agree that it doesn't get easier with time, but you just have to keep going. They wouldn't want you to be miserable, they'd want you to be happy. I hope this helps, but I know how painful the loss of a loved one that you are close with is. I truly am sorry.
2007-01-03 02:45:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lost my nephew I helped raise & then his mom about 11/2 yrs. later.
I do know how you feel,but you need faith in your life!I get pangs of loneliness & longing periodically,but I have faith that this is not the end down here on earth & try to be thankful that they are not suffering anymore & that I will see them once again.
Depression is a sign that you are hopeless & don't believe you will ever see them again,but this isn't so!They would want you to enjoy your life as much as you have to go here & be a blessing to others.
2007-01-03 02:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by Frogmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss!! Accordingly, I trully hope you have been rec'n treatment for these symptoms!! It is very hard to lose a loved one. In most cases we are glad they aren't suffering, yet selfishly want them with us!! Serious "catch 22."
I feel for you ,..my heart goes out to you , sincerly !!
I lost my Dad just 2 years ago, even as a nurse I found myself struggling after he was buried.
The time frame is 6 months , if a person is having life disrupting depression or inability to function with loss ,..med's and treatment should be explored!!!
Please remember we all experience life and losses differently and at our own pace. She is always with you in memories, and in your heart and soul.
Please get help for yourself, as you know she would want you to do!!!
Good Luck
2007-01-03 02:49:19 · answer #7 · answered by SUZ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to focus your mind on good things and not dwell on bad things. This is harder than it sounds but I promise, it works I've been doing it for years.
Feeling immediately follows thought, so if you are thinking about bad things, painful things or things that upset you, you are going to feel bad.
Losing a loved one is something that you will always feel and grieve over sometimes, but it is important to move on and not dwell on it. This is not an abandonment of the lost loved one. Dwelling on that loss will not change anything, it will only make you feel bad.
When you find yourself thinking of things that are painful, direct your thoughts to good things. It has helped me to have a 'default positive thought' that I immediately turn to when I catch myself thinking of things that upset me. This is much harder than it sounds, but with persistance you will create new thought patterns for yourself. I've been doing this for 10 years now and have never been happier. I still have to work on it, but it's so much a part of how I operate now that it gets easier all the time.
2007-01-03 02:48:00 · answer #8 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you seen a professional? This is a bizarrely long grief period that I can't think your loved ones would want. I love my mother too, and it would hurt badly to lose her, but I know she would want me to move on. You've got to get someone to help you with perspective.
2007-01-03 02:41:50 · answer #9 · answered by balderarrow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
baby my heart goes out to you. i lost my mom jan. 1, 2002 and ever since then i have just been dead myself. i lost mom in january my caat in november 02. (my kitty was 14) i lost a baby i never got to hold in november of 04 and my mother in law died christmas day 04. ive been there. just keep living and try to keep smiling......
trust me, it does get better
2007-01-03 03:17:26 · answer #10 · answered by short fat white girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋