I am 18 years old and a senior in high school. My ex-girlfriend, 17, is also a senior. Last week, after two years of dating, we broke up. She said she wanted to be single when she goes to college. I would be able to understand that except that we are both going to go to the same university (not planned) and we both are going to have the same major. We got to talking about the whole thing and ended up breaking up somewhat mutually because it wouldn't be fair to me to go in a relationship that I knew was going to end. The hard part right now is moving backward in our relationship to where we were before we started dating: best friends. Honestly, I wish that she would see the naivety of her way of thinking.
I guess I didn't just ask a question. I opened a whole discussion. Oh well.
2007-01-02 18:39:08 · 12 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Who is being naive here?
You can't put the toothpaste back into the tube. There is no backward. No remote control with a "rewind".
College is a time to grow, experience and experiment. Your friend is ready to explore everything the university has to offer. That should be your goal, too. Both of you should embrace the independence and not anchor each other down.
Chances are.....being away from home, and faced with the unknowns and new environment, your friend will seek you out, as a friend. There will be opportunities to start the friendship fresh. Give her the space she is asking for.
Look forward to being friends on campus. If you push the subject now.....she could very likely avoid you at school.
Good Luck to the both of you!
C-F
2007-01-02 18:50:01 · answer #1 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to go from being boyfriend/girlfriend back to just being friends. Especially when you want more than that. But, consider that you are still an important person to her and that it would be OK for you both to take a break while in school to be more focused on your studies. Make attempts to go out with a group of friends so that you can stay connected on the friend level. Since you both agreed to do this, try to look at it as moving forward in your life and hers and acheiving some life goals. Who knows what may happen once you finish school, you may both discover you want to have that closeness again.
2007-01-02 18:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To do this will take time. It may be difficult for you since you still have feeling for her to avoid feeling jealous. I sense that you want to be in a relationship with her so I can't see you being able to just be friends and not become upset when she introduces you to a new boyfriend. Maybe what you can do is try and take different classes then her so that you have some apart time to work through these feelings. At least you have until September to process this news and to deal with it the best that you can. You never know you may also enjoy the freedom of being free to enjoy your time away from home, when you go away. This may be a blessing in disguise.
2007-01-02 18:43:30 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my experience, the only ex's that still see each other on a regular basis have kids in the picture - myself included.
In most cases I think it is more of a case of move on or forward, you can never go back - but you can move forward in different ways - if you stay friends, life and time will reveal what is to come.
I get along with my Ex, I still care about her and hope she has a good life, but I would not say we are friends (as in talk about personal things, sharing thoughts etc). I think that kind of closeness makes ex's alarm bells go off and one person usually has a reason to back away from that.
2007-01-02 18:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a difficult task, but if you're determined enough, I believe you both can learn to accept the new distance that will come between you. You can't allow the new gap between you two to discourage you, and you have to both be very willing to resume what you had before. It is more difficult than letting go completely, obviously, since being best friends again means hearing her speaking of other men and the same for you. Time and perseverance
2007-01-02 18:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The quick answer is that any relationship will move the way the parties want it to move. The key words here are "parties want" because if one wants one thing and the other wants another, there will be no coordinated movement in any direction except apart. Which, I suppose, is proof of the statement that the relationship will move in the direction the parties want.
2007-01-02 18:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its kinda strange but it almost sounds like that reese witherspoon movie...legally blond...she was dating a guy..he was gonna go to law school and broke up with her...though not like your story he got engaged to someone else and reese witherspoon ended up going to the same law school..same classes...and ultimately had to deal with some of the same issues you might face...and believe it or not it may actually be a good thing you broke up...i mean between figuring out your classes,getting into college life,homework,clubs,-you would have had to fight the odds of college life and dating and that is just more added stress...take this time to get your life moving...figure out who you are and be friends..definately need those going to school...if not comfortable with that then no worries you will definately be busy and meet plenty of new people....good luck
2007-01-02 18:50:41 · answer #7 · answered by michele m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Absence makes the midsection develop fonder." - that quite is a real assertion. i are conscious of it is not person-friendly to make such an adjustment on your courting, and him procuring a house once you already very own one would style of make me experience such as you have been taking a step backwards. i individually think of it would have made extra experience for him to pass in with you. in line with risk he felt rushed into issues and purely needed his area. It does not look as though he's a hundred% waiting to be in a committed courting purely yet. you do no longer desire to spend your total life waiting for him to be waiting, yet you do no longer desire to throw in the towel purely yet. i'd supply it a while and attempt to look on the constructive edge of issues, somewhat of pointing out the obtrusive issues that look so incorrect with the area. this would the two make or injury your courting. purely bear in suggestions that while you're meant to spend the the remainder of your life with him, it is going to take place. in the top each and everything would be ok, and if it is not ok, it is not the top. I wish you the suited of success and that i'm hoping that each and everything works out! :)
2016-10-29 21:19:24 · answer #8 · answered by canevazzi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree it sounds like you are being the naive one here. You have been given the boot, whether you like it or not, and I would seriously think twice if I were you about ever giving this person so much as the time of day again.
2007-01-02 18:50:36 · answer #9 · answered by days_o_work 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move backward in a relationship? Tell her these lines:
"Hey, {Name of Girl}, I'm sorry to say this but--- I can't keep up with you anymore. I can't take it. I'm too nervous to take the oppurtunity. Sorry." then you leave quickly.
2007-01-02 18:47:33 · answer #10 · answered by Miksha-kun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋