parents not caring for child?

Question

Here's the situation... My brother and sister in law have one daughter.. she is 5.. ever since she was a baby and they were living at my parents' they have always left my mom to care for my niece... If they went out they never took her, they would leave for days and not take her.. they moved out and didn't take my niece with them... they would only take her when my mom would tell them to and even then sometimes they would make excuses as to why they couldn't... recently in 2006 there was an argument between my mother, my sister in law, and myself about my sister in law not caring for her daughter (not necessarily argument but more like confrontation)... well she decided she was taking her daughter home to "get back" at my mom (my mom cares very dearly for her grandchildren, she has two).. well this did not last for long, my niece was only with her parents for 2/3 months and has returned to my parents house. They even went as far as to remove her from the school she was at to one

to one down the street from my parents house so that she would have to spend a great amount of time there... My mom is not in great health and I always find her exhausted, and completely stressed out she is old now and does not need this stress. Plus she works nights (she comes and leaves my niece with me when she goes to work). She is not going to tell my brother and his wife to take care of there daughter.. because that is not who she is, even though she would like them to. Also, my father makes her feel guilty for wanting my neice to be with her parents. I am sure this is not at all healthy for my niece, she is 5 she needs her parents. Another issue is that since she is in school she has homework and whatnot.. well my mom only speaks spanish so there is no one to help my niece. My question is.. Is there ANY thing I can do to make her parents take there daughter home and be parents to her.. they are 28 and 29 not teenagers.

Thing is.. my parents house is not the best environment... my mother is always walking on egg shells because of my father and my mom being under constant stress is beginning to lose her temper very easily at my niece.
My sister in law does not work, she stays home all day watching tv, my brother works at home most of the time, when I have seen them around my niece they are loving to her but I guess that could very well change once they are alone...

carebearsrsweet930 I agree with you, I myself am 22 yrs old, I have a 2 year old son and I cannot stand being away from him!

Answer 1

Well. In saying that my answer is no, I propose another question... Would you want them to take her back into a home where she could possibly be neglected?

Answer 2

Ask your brother and his wife if they would be willing to put their daughter up for an OPEN adoption? They could choose the parents. More and more open adoptions are being done. The parents would agree on sending updates and pictures. Some adoptive parents even let the biological parents visit once in awhile. It would take the pressure off your mom and them and your niece would get a loving home with all the attention she deserves and needs. If you get everyone to think about what's best for your niece, this could be the answer. It's the loving thing to do.

Answer 3

You are a good aunt for caring and wanting to help. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon situation. There is nothing that you can do to change her parents. Some people just don't realise what they have until they don't have it anymore.

Odds are that your niece is better off with your mother- as inconvenient as that may be. She is loved there, and a loving home is the most important thing in a child's life. If you are worried about her schoolwork, you can easily set up a conference with the school principle and teachers to work out a support system for her. Lots of public elementary schools have a tutoring program she may be able to attend.

Just keep loving her and helping as you can, she will make it as long as she has people who care about her.

Answer 4

NO, you can't make them and at this point it is obvious they aren't going to do it. Nor should they really. If they were going to take great care of her they already would be. It doesn't sound to me like she needs her parents. She needs someone to help her with school and to always take care of her day to day needs. That may be you if your mom is past the point of being able to do so. She doesn't need someone who leaves her without coming back for days. They don't want to raise her, they may love her because she is their child but they don't and aren't going to live up to the daily responsibility of raising her. If not you, who? Social services will place her in a foster home. You'd better start praying about this situation now so you know what God wants you to do. And pray for God to change her parents because until he does they aren't going to be the parents she needs.

Answer 5

If your mom is in not so good health, what about your dad, or you? Where do her parents come in to all of this. You need to contact Social Services and the courts and all that because what she goes back their and she is neglected. She apparently is living in a better situation, than with her parents that don't care about her. Think of the child, that would be the best thing to do....

Answer 6

I say the best thing to do is talk to your brother about this. Find out why he isn't taking care of his daughter. Let him know of the health of your mother, and that this is very hard on her because she loves her grandchild dearly, but this isn't HER child, this is HIS child, and he needs to care for her as his mom did with him. Being a Grandmother, you shouldn't have to watch your grandchildren all the time, but take joy in visiting with them. Heck my mom hardly ever sees her grandson. Her choice mainly- she seemed to care more when I was pregnant than she did after he was born. But my mom wasn't one to care much about me. Not saying she doesn't love him, but she doesn't go out of her way to come see him. Anyways, have a good talk with your brother (not the sister-in-law). I can't get over how selfish they are being- I have a cousin who basically is the same way- two of his four children are with my aunt and uncle (his mom and dad)... and lot's of times, they have all four. He drinks, does drugs, is an awful person. And he's in his 30's now. I'm 24, and have a 15 month old son, and seriously, I can't stand being away from my son for a few hrs let alone days/months!!!!

They need to grow up and take responsibility of their daughter! If they don't, maybe if you can, step in and help your Mom out... not sure if there is anything legally you can do. I just don't get it at all! My son is everything to me!

Goodluck hun!

Answer 7

It sounds to me like they are deadbeat parents. Unfortunately there is nothing that you can do that will make them good parents. They either are or they aren't and from the sounds of it they aren't. Would you really want to force them to take her and then her not be treated properly. As you stated, they only took her to "get back" at your parents. This is both immature and selfish. She is a little girl not a pawn in a game. If they don't want the child they will ignore her and where would she get the love and compassion and guidance that a little child needs. Your brother and sister in law both need a smack upside the head! If they don't want to be parents, they shouldn't have kids.

Answer 8

Sorry. There is probably nothing you can do.

My uncle is the same way. Only he would leave his 7 and 4 year old with ME, and I was only 10. He did that until I was 16 and I put my foot down and said I was too young to be a teenagers mom. He almost beat up my mom so my brother had to throw him out.

He gave the girls to their mother (which is illegal of him to do) and disapeared.

Some people just SHOULDN'T be parents. =( And they give other people the responsibility.

Answer 9

I don't know if there is anything you can do to make them take her, but I would also think that you would not WANT them to take her. Instead, I would look into the law in your state about child abandonment. It sounds to me that she would be better off with other members of your family even if that family is not your mother. This is an innocent child. Sometimes, it is up to those adults in her life who ARE able to make sure she is cared for. Forcing her biological parents to take her back does not seem to me to be the answer. I know it would be nice for them to "grow up" and see the light. Let's face it. That isn't going to happen. Personally, I would rather make sacrifices in my own life to be able to take her than to send her back to the parents.

Answer 10

If they haven't stepped up and become decent parents to your niece by now they never will. I suggest you find a more permanent situation that will actually be good for your niece.

Answer 11

Am sorry to hear about your proublem.What you can do is start to have a lawer but don't let your sister and her husben know.There is lawers out there for low income people like myslef but they might be able to help you out with your morther.I wish you the best of luck and I hope your sister can come to trims with you and your morther.Try and have a happy new year.