My boyfriend broke up with me five minutes ago. Is this the right thing for us?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. We have broken up 4 times. The longest time was for a month. We have been having problems with fighting...nothing like physical abuse or anything...but the fights never get solved and usually drag out for a couple days. I called him tonight to tell him everything that I was thinking. I made an effort to be extra nice about it all. He was very defensive, had a mean tone of voice, and even laughed sarcastically at something I said. All I was doing was telling him that I don't know if we can get married until we work out our problems. I asked him to please listen to me without being sarcastic, then he said he needed to cool off, and that he's confused about us now. I was confused by that, and asked him to just tell me what he wants...and he said he wants to break up. But, I know he will apologize and want to get back together in a couple days. I just want to be with someone who I can solve an argument with in the right way.

Answer 1

If I were you, I would break up with him. I'm not just saying that because of the events. I'm saying that because of how you described them. Judging by that, you sound like you don't really like him any more. You sound like you just want a boyfriend. In this description, he sounds like a real jerk, and since you wrote it like that, you should break up. I don't know the situation, though. There are plenty of fish in the sea. At least, there are now. He must be annoyed, though. 4 years and you still won't marry him. What does that say about YOU, though? Sounds to me like you don't love him. Are you getting defensive when I say that? If so, you DO love him. If not, you should break up.

Answer 2

It sounds like your relationship has major problems. I had a boyfriend and the same thing happened. We broke up four times before we finally figured out the problems weren't fixable and we were hanging onto feelings without using our heads. Some people can really really care for each other but just aren't meant to be. Don't hang onto someone just to hang on because then you are wasting your time and not finding someone who you really were meant to be with. The break up is fresh and the emotions are raw right now. Take some time away to really think and discover what else is out there. I know (trust me) that it is hard to hear that you will make it through this and be okay and that there are other fish in the sea. I know that you probably want to scream at anybody who says that to you right now, but take it from someone who has truly been there and did make it through and ended up happy in other relationships. Don't waste your time being semi happy with someone. Go out and find the one that is really meant for you.

Answer 3

It sounds like he's afraid to discuss issues and his first reaction is to run away from them. He doesn't seem to want to explain anything, including himself. It's easier for him to break free for a bit and then once things are forgotten and in the dust, he's back in your life again. Not good! If he can't talk about things with you, then where does that take your relationship? No where........ just back and forth, but stuck in the same spot. I suggest you two separate for a while, not only for a few days until he cools off, but longer than that. There's a lot of thinking that needs to be done here on both ends. Do you really want to stay with someone like this and why does he keep doing what he does?

Answer 4

Caroline.....I surely can not say extremely. it would desire to recommend he desires extra desirable area, even if it does look alittle to suspicious. a chain of a few to 5 mins, (provide or take some mins), it is not sufficient to make a marvelous relationship. Does he attend the comparable college as you? Does he artwork annoying for the time of the day? some thing else has taken first place in his existence, and that is not you! Ask him approximately it. Be specific. because of the fact each woman merits to be reported the reality. Be common decrease back too. do not carry decrease back on your thoughts the two. stable luck!!!!

Answer 5

I not critizing you..So please don't be offended.
I've never understood though, why a person would want to be with someone who obviously isn't serious about being in a relationship.
Being a serious partner in a relationship means not being petty. It means listening and communicating in a productive way. Something that is on-and-off again is not stable and clearly isn't a suitable match.
I would let this fish go and find some other catch.

Answer 6

Good luck finding someone who can argue smart or at least without bringing up completely irrelevant crap, I've been looking for one of those for a loooong time and still haven't found her. I don't think they exist anymore...Most relationships that involve extreme love also involve extreme arguing and most people just don't know how to keep their heads clear during the arguing, without resorting to name-calling, false accusations, or stone-walling. Sigh.

Answer 7

Maybe it's time for you to move on without him?
Look at the 4 times break up. Don't you think you are not compatible to each other?

Answer 8

I think it would be better for you to just leave him alone for a while and let him cool off and get rid of some emotion that may be clouding his judgement right now.

Answer 9

hey Rach1234,

I'm really sorry to hear about your break up. My number is....
Just joking..

Seriously on a serious note, i would let him go, find your self, find what makes you tick, what makes you happy, and what makes you who you are.

Then once you know who you are, and what you want, and who you want to be with your relationships will be allot easier and and more satisfying.(meaning less fighting, and bullsh1&).

Sorry just speaking from experience

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like you two should be together. It happens to a lot of people. I don't know why it has to be hard. But stand up for your feelings. If you don't you may regret it later.