My name is Mike and I'm 26. I just finished college and i am engaged to be married to a wonderful women named Vanessa. I'm a bit concerned though....i'm scared is what it is. I never really had "a lot" of girfriends in my time...i've only had 2 but they were both serious..i dated one girl for 4 years through highschool. Anywho, I love Vanessa with all my heart. When i see her a smile comes to my face and i just can't help but want to hug her or kiss her. A lot of times i feel VERY sad when she's away. We are moving in together soon hopefully. The only thing i'm worried about is...is this right? I love her to death and when i'm with her i feel so happy but there are times when i'm away from her...and i just question EVERYTHING. I ask myself...am i making the right decision. Sometimes i ask myself if she is really "the one" or...maybe i should break our engagment off But when i see her there is NOTHING IN THE WORLD BETTER!! I don't know what to think...i don't know...HELP!!
2007-01-02 14:18:37 · 22 answers · asked by Mike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Better make up your mind, before you go through with it.
2007-01-02 14:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's perfectly normal to have cold feet. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married and both of us questioned whether it was the right thing or not during our engagement. (We've been married now for 5 1/2 years, and we've never been happier, by the way!)
However, if you are having concerns, you shouldn't necessairily ignore it. You need to really be honest with yourself and think about what exactly you are concerned about. Then decide if those concerns are worth worrying about. For example, if you are worried that once the lust wears off, you two won't really have much in common, this is a pretty major concern. However if you are just worried if she's the perfect girl or not, this is a pretty normal concern of engaged couples.
You didn't mention exactly what your worries were about, but it sounds like you might have the same concerns that my husband did. I was only the second girl he'd ever dated, and he just wasn't comfortable making an informed decision about me because he had nothing to compare me to. All I can say here is that you'll have to go with your gut. That's all it really comes down to.
Just remember, there is no perfect girl. Only one that will match well with you. Try to push the lust aside and look at your relationship objectively. Do you have much in common? Do you have the same goals in life? Do you agree on big issues, such as kids and spending money, etc? And above all, are you best friends. These are the important things that will make or break a marriage. These are the issues you should concern yourself with.
I wish you all the luck in the world!
2007-01-02 23:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by MountainChick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are doubting it a bit too much. There is a difference between infatuation and love. It sounds to me like you have a case of infatuation.
First of all, when you are truley in love the person will make you happy not only when you are with them but when you are away from them as well. The thought of them should not make you doubt your relationship, but make you just smile thinking about how great they are.
Second of all, you should be completely secure in your self and your mate before you get married. If you are bringing these insecurieties into a marriage relationship this is going to create a lot of stress in an already stressful situation.
My advice is that you and her should go through premarital counseling. This will give you the opportunity to work through the insecurities, and to get to know your mate even better. When you are done with the counseling you should know for sure what your heart is saying.
2007-01-02 22:57:47 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Murphy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's perfectly normal to have those feelings about settling down to that one person in your life. It is after all the biggest decision you will ever have to make in your life. You love her, she makes you happy, what more do you want? just go with it ..... make your engagement a little longer if you don't want to get married straight away or you have doubts. Talk to Vanessa, tell her your fears share your thoughts with the woman that you love. Good luck.
2007-01-02 22:25:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way...but maybe look at it this way...if there is "nothing in the world better" then it is just cold feet and you should ask her if she feels the same way...or maybe just let her know that you need more time...if you haven't set a wedding date you have nothing to worry about. She sounds wonderful and understanding.
A few months before our wedding my husband and I sat down to talk about this and it didn't go as wonderful as I had hoped...He was the one that said his feelings and I acted like that was not how I felt...but really I felt the same way. I acted mad and hurt and I even cried(because I felt the same way) but we worked through it...we talked about what it was that scared us...and having the other person to hold your hand and ask can we work on these things or is it something that we need to fix alone. We worked through ours and did get married as planned. You need to trust yourself, if you don't want to talk to her, write it down look at it and write what you would have to do to make it go away.
Now I am happily married.
2007-01-05 20:04:51 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone feels this way. Marriage is a huge step and it's normal to have doubts about such a big decision.
Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. That's what marriage is, trusting in the other person and hoping that you two can make a go of things come what may.
You only live once my friend.
It's better to regret the things you have done, than those you have not.
2007-01-03 21:53:37 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't fret over this. It sounds as though you truly love her. It sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. It's only natural to question things. Something may be wrong if you didn't. Just try and relax and know that everything will feel right in time. You'll know. In the world we live in today, everyone is cheating, and divorcing. I really think people are losing their faith in love. Please don't be a victim of this as well. It sounds like you've found it. Don't lose it. Don't let it go and try to ease up on the doubts.
2007-01-03 01:11:37 · answer #7 · answered by zimmiesgrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cold feet? yah I think so. Really ask yourself, has she ever given you a reason to doubt anything? All I know is you better make up your mind soon. This girl probably has her hopes up about moving in and getting married and starting a life with you, it would be wrong of you to bring that to a screeching hault at the last minute after all has been invested. Good Luck
2007-01-02 22:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by blahblahblah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for yourself is not move in with her until you are married; being married first is a whole lot different - you have a strong commitment there. If you are generally not sure about her, it could just be cold feet - you don't say how long you have been together, or when the wedding is scheduled; maybe you are going too fast.
2007-01-02 22:31:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you see her and a smile comes to your face and all you cant do is kiss her or hug her, i think your making the rigth choice. When you get married, you'll wake up to her face and she'll just put that smile on your face that will last through the whole day, if you really care about her, dnot blow off the engagement; because you love her.
congrats!!!
2007-01-02 22:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by Aika 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably just stressing to much.
If I'm not mistaken alot of guys feel this way, but you really seem to be in love her as if she is "the one" you have nothing to worry about just relax.
When you start feeling that way just remember everything you love about her, the precious memories you two have, think about what it would be like waking up to her beautiful face everyday, never having to leave her(except for work and stuff like that) and why you fell in love her to start with.
Follow your heart, it's clear you want to be with her.
2007-01-02 22:40:58 · answer #11 · answered by Amber 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋