I have been separated 6 years and have been raising three children single handed for much of that time. It is impossible to afford a divorce and my x pays $0 and even filed them on taxes costing me much a few times. Every time he gets into big trouble he wants to live with mom. Last year I let him it lasted 1week. I wouldnt want my dog to live there. but I fear d-fax in GA. The last time he went I went through hell with them first and then basiclly gave in due to other children. he with help of school said I was abusive due to spanking him for ganging up and helping hurt a very small child at school. this put me on the hot seat for 3+ months the school denied it ever happened. They sent letter about it to my old addr. which I got 3 mos later clearing me. Nadda was done to school staff at all. I got the call a week later his mom couldnt handle him, I picked him up. she IS Druggie and looser. I am sorry he is from broken home but I asked her back 6x to same crap repetedly.what can i do?
2007-01-02 13:16:37 · 11 answers · asked by Steven E 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
This is why stupid people should not have kids. send him to military school or something, send the other kids some where too. you are a rotten parent and your wife is worse.
2007-01-02 15:01:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The first thing I would do, besidies ignoring the other answer, is get him into counseling. If you can't afford it or insurance doesn't cover it, start calling the social service agencies in your area to see what kind of services or assistance is available. Second, insert as much structure into your household as possible and make sure he and the other kids are supervised at all times. The stealing and bullying/abuse on younger kids are huge red flags that need to be dealt with. I agree that disipline is needed but it sounds like there is more going on than just being a "brat" or "bully" (for lack of better terms). Also, I would see about getting a lawyer to file for support and sole custody. Even if she doesn't pay the support, you have everything on file, legal and can do more with the kids. Also, ask about the divorce. If it's been 6 years, you might be able to do it without too much fuss.
Is he having any problems in areas besides behavior? Trouble focusing on schoolwork or other tasks, development, maturity levels (besides the idiot incidents), impulsiveness, things like that. If so, you also might want to ask your pediatrician for a referral to have your son fully evaluated. Multi-disciplinary eval.......there could possibly be issues with ADHD (which is not just hyper. there are a lot of issues that are part of ADHD including severe lack of impulse control) or other "conduct" disorders. If that is the case, the earlier you can get him treatment, the better chance there is of getting him stabilized. Also, if he does have any diagnosis, get documentation and then request an IEP with your school district. This should be done in writing by certified mail. There is a website you can check out to get more information on this type of thing if you would like. www.conductdisorders.com You will be able to get a lot of information and help there. Good luck.
2007-01-02 13:39:36 · answer #2 · answered by carseattech 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok first of all, lose the "broken home" attitude, who cares, put it behind you. That's a label someone else put on you. Let that **** go. Know what I mean? If your kids think you have a "broken" home then they will act like it. You have a good home. Act like it. Be proud of it.
Sit them down. You tell them you are starting right now brand new. You have a good home. You love them and you want to do right. You want them to do right and you are sick of the things that are going on.
Find out what is going on with them that they feel they need to get into trouble. Do they need something to do afterschool? An activity? Do they need some more supervision? Acting out is usually a sign they need some guidance or some attention.
You might need to look into getting a good counselor. By good I mean one that feels good to go to, that you feel like you can really trust, that you feel like really can help you reach your kids before it's too late.
You might want to reach out to a parenting group. I know they sound lame but man these are your kids. You will do anything to do right by them and raise them well. You worked too hard to get this far and give up. It's time to put your foot down and tell them that is enough BS.
Be calm. Freaky calm. It really scares kids bad when the parent is calm. Be firm. Firm and calm is a hella combination.
There are so many really good books out there that can help you. There are also great parenting counselors that might be able to help you get back into control. It sounds super cheesy but man it works and you want to do what works. What you are doing now isn't working, right?
Resource Centers, Parenting Resources - google those with your zip code.
Good luck!
2007-01-03 05:41:45 · answer #3 · answered by choice478 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are places that will pay for the divorce fees and some counselors will work on a sliding scale fee as well. The only thing I can say is stop giving in and the next time he screws up call the cops on him kids aren't the only one that can fight dirty it sounds like he has you over a barrel and knows it so do something drastic to show him that you are still in control and sit back and see what happens. My mom called the cops on me once cuz I always threatened to do so and well I got very verbally abusive so she called and let me tell you what they picked me up hauled me in printed me and then sat me in a cell for an hour before my mom came to get me and well I learned my leason. I found out many years later though that she called and set it up like that for when it needed to be done. So I would call and find out if they would help you in that manner. Things have changed in 25 yrs.
2007-01-02 13:31:45 · answer #4 · answered by emotionalyhurtmom 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your son needs counseling outside of the school. His steal is a symptom of his need for something, probably attention and reassurance. Check with your local mental health agency, which is usually on a sliding fee scale. That counseling should eventually include yourself and his siblings.
What can you do to your wife? You can take her to court, by filing a petition with the juvenile authorities for her neglect in paying child support as well as exposing her son to an environmental of drugs (neglect). Perhaps if she were out of the picture your son would have a better chance of growing into a responsible adult.
In the meantime request that his school provide counseling in ealing with problems at school. And you need to read about positive behavioral supports and alternative to child discipline that do not include corporation punishment, e.g., spanking.
You have a hard road to travel but you sound like a wise man who can help his son.
2007-01-02 13:29:29 · answer #5 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to show him tuff love. The next time he gets in trouble with the law don't be so quick to bail him out. Let him see that his illegal actions have consequences. He needs a huge wake up call and he's young enough that you can make an impression on him. As hard as it will be for you I think you should let him sit in Juvie for a few days....... You cant keep ignoring your son has some deep problems. He should be in counseling too.
2007-01-05 06:42:01 · answer #6 · answered by autumn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That child has alot of pain in his heart. When some people hurt, they lash out with violence. He needs some counseling, fast, before he self detructs. He's probably very confused also. He needs to be able to open up and get some things off his chest. For some reason he isn't comfortable talikg with either of you, which is causing him to bottle it all up. I hope this has helped somewhat. Good luck.-
2007-01-02 21:04:40 · answer #7 · answered by applebottom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest watching over you kids. If you a good parent you wouldn't let your kids wander around stores where you could actually let them do things like that. And you need to crack down on him when he does. Punish him. You have the right to spank him and send him to his room. And when he does it [ bad parenting ] you should probably turn him in to the police, just so he could straighten up.
2007-01-02 13:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by Courtney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If u are beneficial that hes on drugs and he continues to be a minor seek for medical help. this occasion occurred with my brother he grew to become into 17 and on meth yet he talked my mom outta of having him admitted and now at 2 a protracted time previous hes nonetheless on meth and in many situations going on u gotta difficulty approximately if hes gonna stay and my mom lives with the remorseful approximately of no longer getting him help while she ought to yet now that hes 20 the only individual who can help him is him. God Bless you and you kin
2016-11-25 23:44:26 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking? You're the parent and you have the right to discipline him. See what bad parenting does?
2007-01-02 14:21:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋