they say love is blind,but how could i have been so dumb?

Question

i just ended a 5 yr relationship with my bf.when i first met "tom" at work he use to drive in with this blond "val".he told me they were just old friends.later after we had been dating for about 3 weeks(and after we had sex)he told me they were dating and if i did not like it i could leave.i later found out from his sister he left his wife for this girl.did i leave,no i stayed hoping i could win him over.i watched as he sent her flowers at work,heard about the jewelry he gave her,the expensive diners ect.all i every got was invites over for sex and a movie.after 5 mons he left her(not because of me he told me he could not keep her happy) but over the last 5 yrs i have caught he sneaking around on the internet/phone with her and would tell me i was over reacting,with their history i think not.has he cheated,more than likely.now on top of all this add a controlling in your face exwife with a kid and a huge debt and i STILL STAYED.love is not blind its dumb.oh yes we were all in our 30s

Answer 1

I

just

don't

get

it

!

Why do you hate yourself that much???

Answer 2

First, I am sorry you got into a bad situation. I've been there, well sort of. I dated a guy that I was so in love with, we were engaged and gonna be married, but he always had a girl calling. Turns out, he had met another girl right after we got engaged and he started a relationship. He kept telling me that he didn't know how she got his number or why she was coming to his work. I kept seeing him and thinking it was all her fault for being such a s*** that she couldn't get her own guy. Add to this my guy was abuisive. Everytime I would bring her up and saying maybe we shouldn't be together anymore if she was going to be a factor (I couldn't admit to myself that he might be screwing her). He would physically assault me- like once I tried to leave the room and he grabbed my arm and swung me back into the wall, got in my face and punched a hole in the wall next to my head. Add to this he also admitted to breaking my car window one night.

In the end, I got so scared of him that I figured we had to end things, but that I had to let it be his idea so that I could avoid any more physical abuse. One day he came to my work and asked for the ring back which I obliged. Within 6 hours he was at my parents house asking to see me and that he was sorry and blah blah blah. I wouldn't go home until he was gone. Everytime he's call me, I'd not answer or if he called work I'd say "but you ended things".

I later found out he got the other girl pregnant and that he'd been dating her all along. I was too dumb to admit that there might be a relationship going on. They were married within 6 months because she got pregnant.

Now they have two kids and he is struggling to make ends meet with a telemarketing job. I'm sorry that there are two kids involved in their mess of a life, but hey.

You made a mistake and you were hoping for a positivie outcome. Don't beat yourself up too much; there are other people that have stayed in bad relationships too. No biggie.

Answer 3

Love is not blind.

You just want him and he us you for sex. It was lust. Once you found out the truth you should not have went back. But you made the choice, thinking you could win him over. You had know change of winning him over because he was going woman to woman and you knew this(the blond, the wife, and you), how many more has he been with. A word of wisdom go get a AIDS test please.

That is even worse, at 30 you should know better. Remember, it the choice we make in life that make a different.

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 4

There is no point in beating yourself up over it...and with all you wrote, he couldn't have been being too sneaky about it. But you know what... people hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe. It happens...you are not any different than the rest of us...So, now that we have established that you are normal, take a deep breath, and get out there to start again.

Just remember that the key to sucess in this, as everything else in life is to "create a brand new mistake every day...NO Repeats."

Answer 5

it is a waste of time to recover from excited. yet how is it a waste of time to locate somebody you like being with, somebody who is conscious you, somebody you like? it is like announcing you're able to no longer have pals. i admire my pals, is that a waste of time? I agree that some intense college relationships are silly and stupid, and many are in uncomplicated terms for actual delight. yet i've got been with my boyfriend because of the fact that i grew to become into 15, i'm going on 19. We merely moved in mutually, and are nevertheless in love. We weren't in any respect overly enthusiastic approximately one yet another, and have a particularly healthful courting. We on no account had suffering grades, and did no longer even have intercourse till 2 years into the courting. i do no longer think of absolutely everyone can extremely got down to look for the suited individual in intense college yet sometimes, VERY sometimes, you merely success out. We did.

Answer 6

yes, love can be blind and make you dumb things, but sometimes it's also because we don't think we deserve better or we are just too scared to be alone, we think if we are alone we might not find anyone else. You sound like a very caring and giving person, so next time tell yourself you deserve better, and hold out for better!!!!

Answer 7

Welcome to the club... Love is dumb, really, really dumb... We tend to throw ourselves at the people that really don't care about us at all. They want us for a time, but they don't care and we know it, but our stupidity and pride won't let us walk away. We think that we can change them and when it's good...it's really good. Like a drug we get addicted and can't back away. I've been there, and you know our friends tell us better, but we won't listen. Anyway, there is a guy out there for you, just keep plugging away. I know it hurts, but life will go on.

Answer 8

Yes you were dumb. You don't think much of yourself to settle for a relationship like that. Be glad you only wasted 5 years. Get out of it and find someone normal.

Answer 9

Love sometimes comes dressed in darkness.