Why does everyone here tell pregnant teens to adopt their child?

Question

Do people actually think the kid goes to the magical land of Adoption where a loving family is waiting on them?

Do they not realize that these kids instantly become wards of state and are pushed into an overcrowded foster system with thousands of other kids where they often face abuse?

Answer 1

I think it is up to the individual who is carrying the child to make the decision whether or not to keep the child or not. I have worked with some very responsible teen mothers and fathers. Not all teenagers should be labeled as too irresponsible to take on the challenges of parenthood. Yes, they have a very hard road ahead of them but that does not mean that they are incapable of parenting.

I have also seen a lot of foster infants. I think a lot of people want to believe that all infants are immediately put in the arms of a loving couple. Unfortunately, their are many infants that never see anything outside of foster care. Where I worked, it was mostly minority infants in foster care.

Their are some very loving families that are involved with foster care as their are also the bad apples that should never even be considered for foster parenting.

I think very highly of anyone who considers adoption or becoming a foster parent. Their are so many children who need family, support and most of all a loving environment.

Answer 2

Actually, the child can be placed for adoption with a reputable adoption agency. They don't become "wards of the state" unless they are taken from the parent because of abuse or neglect.

In the case that they are forcibly removed from the home by the state Child Protective Services, and the parent(s) prove to be unfit, then the child(ren) would go through to court system to have the parental rights terminated, and then have the child freed for adoption, usually by a foster parent.

For people who suggest adoption as the option for pregnant teens - I have to say that I agree. In many many cases, a pregnant teen is in NO way ready to accept the responsibility raising a child. There's a lot more to it than cute little clothes and a stroller. There's college funds, cultural exposure, personal enrichment, nutrition and many other financial issues. And that's just for the baby. Imagine a teenaged girl with a newborn. What happens to her education, professional aspirations, social life, travel plans, earning capacity, etc.

I don't think people suggest this in a negative way, but when you look a the total global picture, it would appear that adoption would be a good alternative for everyone concerned.

Answer 3

That's not exactly true. They children can be adopted through a private agency and will be placed in a home where the parents truely want a child. It's not like a foster family where some people do it for the money or someone to do the chores. These people honestly want a child so bad they are willing to wait years on waiting lists, and pay outrageous amounts of money to have a child they can all their own. These children live loving lives in homes where their parents love them more than life its self.

Some teens make fine parents. They love their children and take good care of them. But some teens (most) just aren't ready for the responsibility of being a parent. Not to mention if the yhave children it's harder for them to finish high school or go on to college. What kind of life is that going to be for the teen and that defensless baby? Sometimes the best choice is to give the baby to someone who can give it all the love it needs, not to mention all the expensive physical things a baby needs. Not that I'm saying anyone should give up a baby if it's not what she really thinks is right. Just saying that it is usually a very good option when there are no others.

Answer 4

People have a lot of negative biased toward teen parents. A lot of people assume that all teenagers are too immature and unprepared and uneducated to raise a child. This is true of some and not of others. I had a daughter when I was sixteen. I am a wonderful mother and it shows. My baby is now three and she is smart and caring and listens well. She has been brought up wonderfully. The thing is a lot of teenagers are too selfish and too dependent to bring up a child. They are often unwilling to educate themselves and often do not have the support they need in order to live the "ideal" life. Teenagers aren't bad parents. Bad parents are bad parents. I know a mother who was 26 and lived in a one bedroom apartment with no food and the electric kept getting turned off and she had a two year old. This child is now four and STILL has not grown because he was so malnourished. It isn't about age- it's about ignornace. Teenagers are generally ignorant and they are too stubborn to admit they are ignorant and then remedy the ignorance.

Answer 5

I have 4 friends... 2 married couples actually... who are ready and willing to adopt. They are the best people -- I'd let them adopt my kids if something happened to me. Sadly, there are few American children for them to adopt.

When a single teen mom keeps her child, there is an 80% likelihood that she and the kids will live in poverty until the kids are grown. There is an 80% chance that the family will need intervention with any number of social services. There is a much greater chance that the children will grow up to be in trouble with the law, and a greatly diminished chance that the kid will go to college.

In a step child situation, there is also a greatly enhanced probability of child abuse or neglect, a quantum leap greater than the "horrors" of the foster / adoption system that you describe.

The reason why we tell teens to give up their child for adoption is that we see all of the factors above. We've been around for a while, and know how the world works.

Answer 6

There are actually adoption agencies that do have loving people waiting on mothers regardless of age to give them their child.I have seen it millions of times at my workplace. All children do not become wards of the state and it is up to the mother to decide what she wants to do with her child. I really believe that some of the agencies have good intentions but, others seem to be buying and bribing these young mothers into giving their children up. Some young mothers are so naive that by the time they realize what they have done it is too late!!

I myself was a teen mother and would have never considered giving my children/child to a stranger or strange family. It really breaks my heart on one hand to see the mistake these young mothers are making but, on the other hand seeing these anxious families that have longed for a child is beautiful.

Answer 7

I won't comment on your misguided premise that adopted children become wards of the state - other posters here have more than adequately answered that part of your question.

Why does everyone tell pregnant teens to adopt their child out? Because it's bloody hard to raise a kid, that's why. And a teen still has lots of their own growing up to do. It doesn't always mean that we think the teen can't do the job, it's just that we know how hard it is and how much they'll be giving up of their own childhood to raise their child. We wish the best for that teen, for them to follow their own (best) path... and frankly that usually does not include teen pregnancy.

Add to a teen's life inexperience and immaturity the situation that many find themselves in: their home situations are not ideal, they have no partner or income or support network, their friends have other priorities and interests, and their parents are not in favour... well, it makes a difficult job that much harder.

This is a generalisation, but raising a child is hard no matter who you are or how old you are.

Answer 8

So lets just kill them, right? Here is an idea. How about keeping your legs closed when your a teen. Hmmm? Oh. I forgot. We live in the day when nobody can take responibilty for their actions. so everyone just acts out and never thinks. My bad.

I was adopted and I turned out fine. I'm 20 and I have been to New York City, Fiji, L.A., Most states in the union and plan on being a great artist one day (soon).

The best way to avoid all of the B.S. is just by not having SEX when your A teen. Once your adult. I think you can come up with a way to raise the kid.

Moving on.

Answer 9

Ok, so how come there are so many people looking to adopt, many of my friends waited a long amount of time for a child. Any child. I think there are many different levels of adoption, and I think people are just saying, a child is wanted by someone else if you do not want it.

Answer 10

Not true. In most cases they have a home waiting on that baby and he/she will be handed from the birth mother's body to the new parents... there is a long list of people wanting to adopt babies who cannot conceive themselves.