ive been dating this guy for a few months now. we hit it off right away and we have a great time hanging out {when we get to , distance issue } and he tells me all the time that i am just the type of girl he has been looking for. we have had sex and that is great too. sometimes he introduces me as his girlfriend and other times , a friend. i dont want to seem like im pushing for a commitment by asking him if i am or not his girlfriend. i guess i was stupid to assume that when you sleep with someone , that means the relationship has taken on a new level.he's all im seeing now. we are still getting to know each other and i feel like i should end it if we cant communicate.he seems uncomfortable if i talk about us , but he makes comments about the future "we this and that " .sex is not something i take lightly. he knows that much. i swear im not some needy girl who has to have a man with her.im very independent and i'm selective in who i date , this guy has really got me guessing....
2007-01-02 12:16:56 · 41 answers · asked by julia kristen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, sex does not necessarily equal committment. What you can do though, if you aren't comfy asking "where are we" is to just ask him if he's seeing other people or is it safe to assume the two of you are exclusive, since are also being intimate.
You have EVERY right to know if he's seeing (having sex with) other people, since he's having sex with you, so the question is legitimate and not needy sounding and shouldn't come across as pushy...
But you are right...if you cannot communicate with him, then a big chunk of the foundation for a relationship with him is missing...and there will never be anything solid until it's there...
2007-01-02 12:22:09 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a woman's mind the offering of her body to a man implies a level of commitment. In a man's mind, it's not necessarily the same. Sex is Sex to a man and it's not love. To a woman, sex=love=commitment. He's at a distance, you say. Is it possible for you two to share the same city at least? Has he given you a home phone number where he can be reached and you've been able to reach him there at unusual times? He may be uncomfortable about talking about commitment, but can say things about some dubious future, I'd like to (if I were you) know a good bit more about the lad and make it my business to investigate as fully as I could--that is if you want to reassure yourself that he is who and what he says he is. I think you understand what I'm getting at here, right? It's one thing to love the guy, but for your own certainty, understand that a man will say many things to keep the status quo in ANY
relationship that he's either invested $ in or has children he's fathered. You sound like an intelligent woman. We women understand that there are levels to relationships and have our criteria for meeting those levels. Men have no clue. And as Dr. Phil suggests, for men you have to connect all the dots and don't space'em too far apart!
2007-01-02 12:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by MJ D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is extremely unfortunate that the question even needs to be asked, but in this day and age, it really does. Personally, I think that yes, if you are having sex, then it does imply commitment, but, it does need to be clarified in your situation. Too bad if he is uncomfortable, I would just get it out in the open. Otherwise, you are going to be in limbo for a long time.
Try this:
Honey, I know that this is not exactly the easiest subject for you to talk about, but it has really started to get to me and I just have to ask, and assuming I get a straight answer, whether it is the one I am hoping for or not, I won't have to ask again and won't ask again. What exactly am I to you, a friend or a girlfriend? Do we have a relationship or not, because I always believed that sex and commitment go hand in hand and I just want to make sure we are on the same page with this, it is a little confusing to me.
If you get the runaround then sorry, but I think that he just figured he got an easy lay, and if not, he will most likely appreciate the fact that you cared enough to ask. My suggestion for the future is to clarify this aspect BEFORE having sex.
2007-01-02 12:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by goddessin 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex is not a committal thing. A lot of people out there enjoy having what they call sex buddies. Your best bet is to find out just where you stand. Tell him you are confused or that maybe he is confused about the type of relationship you desire. He sound as though has not gotten the same message you have. The cause of this is usually a lack of communication. Don't be afraid to talk about the things that matter to you, Your future happiness is at stake and if he is the right one he will not have a problem with this.
2007-01-02 12:32:38 · answer #4 · answered by SeaJayDboss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Silly girl... these conversations need to be had with the potential partner before becoming physically intimate. Many men (if not most) are terrified of commitment and would much prefer a "friends with benefits" arrangement.
Haven't you ever heard the adage: "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" What reason does he have for making a commitment since you've already given him what he wants?
If you think you're old enough to be having sex, you should be mature enough to discuss the status of the relationship and the guy's intentions. Now is the time to ask him where you stand.
2007-01-02 12:17:56 · answer #5 · answered by HearKat 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you can't have an honest conversation about where you stand - you don't have a relationship-sorry. Sex does not equal commitment for most people - for some it is a special gift you are the later and he appears to be the former. You should end it now before it's too hard on you. Good Luck!
2007-01-02 12:20:16 · answer #6 · answered by Walking on Sunshine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a needy girl, get over yourself. If he is not introducing you as his girlfriend, 100% of the time, then you are not. Sex does NOT equal commitment. Men think of sex WAY differntly than women do. Sex to a man is acceptence of him, and sex to a women means dating. And well, in your case, you are just a friend with benifits.
If you value sex so much, you would have waited untill you were married with this guy. But you gave in and shacked up with him.
You need to stop being so "needy" (yes, you are emtionaly needy) and tell this guy that you are either going to be his girlfriend or his friend. and if you are his friend, there is no more sex. There shouldn't be any sex period, ya know, since you VALUE it so much...
(btw..I dont advocate waiting till marriage for sex..but if you place so much value on it..dont do it)
This guy has you jumping hoops to please him whenever he wants. so get rid of him, or stop having sex.
Sorry to be so mean, but you really can't sugar coat this....
2007-01-02 12:43:00 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex is not a commitment except for the moment...once it's over then the commitment to complete an action is done. Don't ever think that sex can keep a man, or woman as far as that goes and the only commitment is what you make of it...
2007-01-02 12:21:18 · answer #8 · answered by Betty Boop 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then you're going to have to have a heart to heart talk with him. Communication is the key to any relationship. If he don't need commitment, then he don't need the sex. I bet if you cut the sex out he'll go for another girl. I hope not, but be prepared for the worse. If he leaves you after you cut the sex, then you know he was just using you. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-02 12:22:17 · answer #9 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly sex doesn't always equal commitment. You need to just come straight out and ask the guy if having sex means the same to him as it does to you before you get too much further in this relationship.
2007-01-02 12:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋