a guy i've been seeing for 3 months, he's not open, he keeps most of his views to himself, i ask he'll say 'nothing' and in that way even though i wanna open up more i can't coz i feel as though he is not interested, or i would be telling him stuff that he doesn't really care to know. i can't say to him why aren't you opening up more coz he is one of those people who seem to take things slow, but i really want us to open up a bit more. and in any case because we don't talk much it makes me feel distant. i don't wanna put it to him bluntly bcoz when i did and he said i picked the bad time to say it and i said it too bluntly, now i'm struggling on how to bring the topic without getting him stressed out....i just wanna know how to make him talk.....imagine we still talk like twice or thrice the most in a week.....
2007-01-02 12:09:06 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Give him some ***** and he'll tell you whatever you want to know
2007-01-02 12:11:19 · answer #1 · answered by ........ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The most important thing you can do is to never seem judgmental. Never use anything he tells you against him, never get angry with him for expressing his opinion. Try to get him to give you his opinion on things and tell you how things make him feel, and if he answers, make sure to give a positive, supportive, approving response.
If you ever display disapproval of his opinions or feelings, he will withdraw more because he can't trust you. It also doesn't help if you badmouth other people, because that shows you are a judgmental person, and if you judge others negatively, you'll judge him negatively. And what if you said, "I can't stand him, he's such a racist" and your boyfriend happens to come from a racist family? He would never feel comfortable showing you the real him.
He probably feels insecure and fears that if you know what he thinks, you'll disapprove of him and reject him. He might think that if he doesn't hide his personality, you'll see who he really is and not like him anymore.
You can also help draw responses out of him by sharing personal, even embarassing things about yourself. If you go first and tell him how you feel, he'll feel more comfortable about saying how he feels. Be careful, though- if you feel drastically different from how he feels, he might get even more retentive.
Again, the best solution is to show him he can do no wrong, and you'll accept him even in cases he was sure you'd disapprove.
2007-01-02 14:24:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best relationship is one where you can be completely honest with each other and it may seem hard to let go of him but maybe if you really can't talk to him about things without it being uncomfortable for either you or him it's just not right. The only other advice that I can give is be patient with him, he may have trust issues and it could just be hard for him to talk to you about or he may be feeling the same way you are. Wait it out a little longer and then if nothing changes set him straight just by simply saying "Look I really want to get to know you and I really want to have an open relationship but I feel like your shutting me out." Good luck.
2007-01-02 12:14:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can figure out the solution and can bottle it, you'll be able to retire in a year or two. I know of nothing you can do to "make" him do anything. What will close the door even more is to reject or criticize his answers. There may well be a difference between getting him to talk and having a conversation about a subject in which you are both interested. It can be very, very difficult for a person uncomfortable with silence to be with a person who is not uncomfortable with silence.
2007-01-02 12:16:10 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is simply the kind of guy with little to say ...... and honestly I think he is unlikely to change you know. Is he interesting in other ways? Is he emotionally supportive and comforting? Does he make you feel special in other ways? Is he loyal? Do you love him?
If you find it hard to put a yes to most of the above, I think you will simply drift apart and you may well be best analysing that now rather than later.
From what I sense, this guy simply doesn't float your boat and you clearly need someone that does .....
Good luck in whatever you decide ...
2007-01-02 12:16:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do something really simple like go to a movie together or have a meal out this will generate conversations without having to think too hard...I hope this does the trick...... but deep down I think you believe you are not a compatible couple...people in love can't stop talking to each other...as the ad on TV says..."It's Good toTalk ". My gut feeling is that there is something wrong with your relationship....sorry about that.
Good luck anyway...... hope it works out for the best.
2007-01-02 12:21:07 · answer #6 · answered by John M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had dated a guy like that and I ended it, just cause I did feel distant. I felt that if I opened up more, he would. I suggest trying that. Guys aren't the brightest creatures, the only way to get through to him would be as straight forward as you can get. Dont sugarcoat it. Tell him how you feel, and that you want and need him to be more open with you, if not you might not be able to stay with him....that'll make him open up more. Good luck
2007-01-02 12:16:11 · answer #7 · answered by Hannah 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in case you're shy too, this is in all probability what he likes approximately you. Take convenience interior the undeniable fact that he feels gentle with you for that reason, and don't push issues. appears like in case you the two take it slow and flow at a convenience point that works for you, it somewhat is an surprising element. don't be in a single of those hurry! you have have been given some years to make errors -- and you will. yet you will desire greater relaxing and the errors heavily isn't somewhat as life-changing (i.e., poor!) in case you only take it common and not rush headlong into them. stick on your coronary heart, yet use your head too.
2016-11-25 23:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
was it always like this from the beginning or did he start to shut down slowly. sounds like a 70/30 relationship at this stage....
If you really like him, then give it a bit more time. take things easy...go with his pace for a bit and slowly try to win his confidence in you. He may be a really private guy. My b/f didn't open up to me until after 5months.....now we talk about (almost) everything.
In any case, please don't lose anymore sleep over it. Trust me. Good luck!
2007-01-02 12:23:56 · answer #9 · answered by robert 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are open and caring about how u view your life then he will eventually open up. Guys will feel comfortable if a girl is optimistic and supportive regardless if its friends or relationship. Tell him lil bits and pieces about what u have experienced in your life and he eventually will open up.
2007-01-02 12:46:34 · answer #10 · answered by Sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the last guy i dated was exactly like this. i had the hardest time to get him to tell me things. but its all about trust. and trust takes awhile to build up. after about 4ish months my guy finally opened up and i learned a lot about it. spend as much time as you can with him and start to open up about yourself and maybe he will follow its hard to get people to open up because sometimes they are afraid of what you will think of them so make sure he knows you arent there to judge him you just want to listen and learn more about him so you can get a feel for who he really is. you dont have to bring it up if you just start to open up to him slowly and i garuntee he will do the same when hes ready!
good luck
2007-01-02 12:15:27 · answer #11 · answered by brunettebeauty13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋