I really like this guy that i have been talking to we have a eally good time together. And he says he likes me. we have had sex and we work right next to eachother...the only thing is ....i have been married and i am not divorced yet! i want to become "official" with this guy and he says he wants to wait tilll i get divorced! i can't wait it makes me feel like he is not really interested and knowing that he doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend is making me want to stray actually i have and i feel really bad aboutit but i want that title or i don't feel like we are "together" so why can't i be with other people? i just want to know why we have to wait till i'm officially divorced to be boyfriend/girlfriend?
2007-01-02 11:44:43 · 25 answers · asked by erica g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Dear Erica,
If I were you I would ignore those insulting words that some of the Members of this "friendly" community addressed to you.
The thing is that people do not read properly, it is much easier to insult and criticise somebody than give a good piece of advice.
The fact that the girl "has been" married does not mean she "is" married! Duh!
And the process of divorce is a long and ugly business! I am happy for those whose divorce took several months, but it can take years, like in my 2 friends' cases. And then what???? Sit and wait for 1-2 years till you are oficially divorced? Get comfortable in front of TV and get depressed?
And another thing is the reason for divorce. As you can see, everyone assumed it was your fault! But why? If you had sex relationship after you separated there is nothing wrong with that. However, even if you had sex still being married, you have the full right to do so. The relationship did not work and it was a mistake, so what? It is better to realise it sooner than later.
Erica, you are not a bad person, wishing to be happy and build upon a strong relationship with somebody you like. And there is definetely nothing wrong seeing somebody if you are separated. The best advice I can give you is to talk to this guy and tell him what you feel. There is no point waisting your time on somebody who does not share your feelings, or just using you for the wrong reasons. And maybe this man does not deserve you after all.
Talk to your good friends or family, they know the situation better than "this lot of friends".
Best of luck
2007-01-04 04:37:10 · answer #1 · answered by LC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and give him his space for now. Divorcing your husband should be your #1 priority, and having a boyfriend can complicate things (especially in legal matters if your husband finds out and decides to use it against you). It sounds like you are reluctant to get a divorce unless you have another man waiting, but I assure you that you are ready. You're already looking around for the rebound guy. When your divorce is final, your "other guy" may or may not be around, but try to be sympathetic toward his feelings. He may feel guilty about being with a married woman, or he may be afraid that this is only a fling for you...that you really have no intention of leaving your husband. Things like that happen all the time, so you can't blame him. In any case, there is no need to drag your feet about the divorce. Get it out of the way, if that's what you really want to do, and then you can move on free and clear.
2007-01-02 11:53:34 · answer #2 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no rule saying that you have to wait until you are officially divorced; Sometimes divorces can take years to resolve. As long as you and your soon to be ex are separated, i.e. not living together, no seeing each other, sleeping together etc. then there is no reason you can't be exclusive with someone else. I'd worry that he isn't interested in commitment and using that as an excuse, but I don't know the entire situation. Maybe he's just more traditional?
2007-01-02 11:49:55 · answer #3 · answered by curiousmindsneed2know 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello!! Why do u have to wait till u are officially divorced to get a boyfriend??.... bc otherwise u are an adultress... oh wait you already are one.
Get real. Maybe he just wants to be the proud partner of a married person and doesnt want to actually date you. And now you are saying that not knowing if hes really interested in u is making you want to stray- u are a cheater thru and thru it seems.
And last thought: maybe he doesnt want to be official with you because you already had an affair with him while you are "officially "married. That doesn't really promote a lot of trust now does it?
2007-01-02 11:50:47 · answer #4 · answered by Heart of Gold 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry for some of the words below...... maybe he is afraid to get to involved with you in case you decide to go back to hubby and then he would be heart broken so if you are all ready divorced then he is sure you are his woman so I see his feelings but if you have all ready strayed on them both are you sure you know what you want even your self or are you just in love or (lust) with sex and got to have it with whom ever will give it to you u r for sure a big time ~slunt~!!!!! I hope guy number 2 figures you out and splits u would deserve it and all men deserve better than u ho!!!!
my divorce took 5 months instead of 6 the ppl at the court building made a counting error and I was done a month Early but it is cause I had kids and they always want to give extra time for ppl who have kids in case they change there mind along the way but my marriage was on the rocks for 10 years I was not changing my mind and I prayed it would be over sooner than it was and it did but if you don't have kids it can be over in 2 months or less and you can get it with out a lawyer and it is only about 200. dollars just for the court fees etc and it is much cheaper with out a lawyer trust me if you can get hubby to agree on it and be dun with it you just file and serve each other and do all paper work your self together and the courts help you if you got questions and do it yourself is hassle free!!!!
2007-01-02 12:01:23 · answer #5 · answered by goldenchild 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't wait until the divorce is final, you'll find out why he wanted to wait and you may not like what you learn. Fur could fly between the bf and your soon to be ex. In addition, friends neighbors and snoops will have a field day with your dating while still married.
2007-01-02 11:51:47 · answer #6 · answered by notadeadbeat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Was santa describing you when he said HO HO HO! Just a question, don't take it personal. Why are you getting divorced? because you had an affair? Or did you at least wait until you were separated?
Why should the new guy be interested in making anything official... he's getting what he wants, without committment. Chances are once the divorce is final... he'll disappear too.
2007-01-02 11:51:56 · answer #7 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe because it goes against his morals to date a girl who is still married to someone else. if i was you i would wait. how long til you are officiously divorced ? hang out be "friends with benefits" till then, once your divorced then you can have title of girlfriend but you can't have the title of girlfriend to one guy and wife to another. sorry. good luck.
2007-01-02 11:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by ~*These Blue Eyes Tell No Lies*~ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
BECAUSE you are not divorced, thats means you are MARRIED.... so yes, he has a hard time committing to you in the offical boyfriend/girlfriend sence. I hope that he reads this and dumps your sorry *** after reading that you want to cheat on your "boyfriend", when you are cheating on your "husband" with someone else! You are a ******* S lut
2007-01-02 11:48:49 · answer #9 · answered by FRESH_PEACH_98 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some guys get extra excited bc they are with taken goods. I am assuming you are separated (you guys she didn't say how long process has been so don't assume) so I think its okay for ppl who are separated to date, as long as the new party knows the total situation no one will get hurt
2007-01-02 12:02:15 · answer #10 · answered by uthinkso 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋