Ok, my daughter is 16 and I caught her having sex with her boyfriend. At first, I gave her a 3-month grounding, but after 3 weeks I found out she was pregnant. I decided to teach her some responsibility. I kicked her out and she moved in with her 18 year old boyfriend. I told her she cant have an abortion and I will not help with financial needs and she must stay in school.
Do you think I was too harsh?
2007-01-02 11:29:46 · 37 answers · asked by Larry Johnson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well the fact that you kicked her out was harsh because do you think she wants to be pregnant? do you think she planned on gettin pregnant? everyone makes mistakes and right now at this time in her life she needs her parents to help and support her.
At least she had somebody to move in with, at least he is supporting her and taking responsibility for the time being but what if he chickens out and throws her out too? She cant live on the streets..at 16 its hard to get a good job to support herself and the baby. Of course she's going to think of an abortion if there no other solution.
At 16 i also hope you are aware that kids can drop out of school legally in most states and since you kicked her out she has the right to make her own decisions now. you shouldnt have been so harsh on her for making a mistake..we all make mistakes. you need to have a talk with her and apologize to her, help and support her because she is your daughter whether she made a mistake or not.
2007-01-02 13:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by JMan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking? Obviously you are feeling some remorse or something.
You have set your daughter and her boyfriend up to fail. And you have set the ball rolling for your grandchild to ultimately fail as well.
She's pregnant. And 16. She needs her PARENTS. She's a KID!
Yes, she made a mistake. Did you make mistakes when you were 16? How about lately?
It is YOUR responsibility to help her make it right. You tell her not to have an abortion AND she has to stay in school, but you won't support her. Hello?!
I agree that she shouldn't have an abortion...but have you even mentioned adoption? There are hundreds of couples out there wanting a baby.
If I were in your shoes, and I pray I will never be, I would apologize and have her move back in. I would help her with doctor's appointments and talk to her about the life she carries and how precious it is. I would talk to her about childless 'parents' out there who are willing and able to raise this baby and give her (your daughter) a second chance at her education and her adulthood.
There are endless resources out there that will help her. But nothing comes close to a parent helping her out when she is down.
If you do this, the chances of her having another baby are low...if you leave her to 'the system', it will happen again...she will never graduate from high school and her future will be very bleak.
2007-01-02 12:36:27 · answer #2 · answered by kathyh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you accomplished was letting her move in with this jerk who messed up her life to begin with. Obviously he isn't too responsible. Do you want your grandchild raised by 2 people who have NO IDEA what responsibility is? I would keep her at home, make her finish school, take care of the baby ALL THE TIME except school. Get a job to pay for the things the baby will need and a sitter for most of the time. Sue him for child support also. Then she will know what it is like to have made such a huge mistake at such an early age. She can sit on her buns all day if he is working , pawn the kid off on who knows to get some time for him and her. Probably get pregnant again soon if she isn't careful. If she is at home, you can oversee for the next 2 yrs. at least till she's 18. AND GET HER ON THE PILL although I don't think she going to be wanting too much sex after taking care of the kid, going to school and working. You can get her into online (cyber) school to finish her high school and then she can do her studies in her "free" time when the baby is asleep. Staying home all day every day, studying, taking care of an infant and possibly working part time will teach her more than throwing her out. She will realize how hard it is very soon.
2007-01-02 15:26:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
harsh is an understatement! you threw a 16 year old child out on the street and she is pregnant so she goes to her 18 year old ( child) boyfriend then you tell her what she can or can not do, and you offer her no financial support, but she has to stay in school,
where is her Mother? Sounds like she really needs one now! My daughter is 14 now and if I thought she was even considering having sex I would have taken her to the dr and got her on birth controle, and had the talk about sex, responsibility, and moral behavor, if she still got pregnant I would take responsibility for my underage child get her the medical care that she needs, and decide with her what she wanted to do about this unborn child. If she decided to keep the child then the 18 year old would have to come up with a plan on supporting the child. But I would not force her into a relationship that she was not ready for. I would let her know that I was there for her and will help her until she could stand on her own, but this is her child to care for and take care of, this is her responsibility to live up to.
I would never have thrown my child out now is the time when they need you the most, I can understand that you were hurt and angry, but how could you look yourself in the mirror knowing that you turned your back on your child?
And I love my husband of 22 years but if he tried to throw my daughter out he would find out that everyone in my home would have to leave before my child would
2007-01-03 07:42:44 · answer #4 · answered by kathy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know about harsh; it is a harsh situation. Unhelpful, maybe, and, sorry to say it, unrealistic. You can't actually kick her out and then tell her what she can and can't do. I would ask her to come home and then try to help her put her life back in order.
At this point, you have to realize that your relationship is completely different - she's lived without you and she is pregnant. These are two life-altering events. I would go to a counselor with her and try to see how you two can help get her life on track.
Whether or not you were too harsh is besides the point now. What is the point is how to resurrect her life. Pregnant at 16 is no fun. Good luck and sorry that you and she are going through this.
2007-01-02 12:13:11 · answer #5 · answered by C C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was really harsh. She is feeling scared right now, and if her boyfriend ever leaves her, she might do something to harm herself, and you will loose your daughter and your grand child. She made a mistake, a major one, but she is stilll a child, and she made a very mature decision at an immature age. You must not break your relationship with her because this kind of hurt can never be mended. Scare her a little bit, but call her back in a week or two and ask her to come home. Have a heart to heart with her, and guide her in the right direction. I promise, she will be much more mature and wiser after this whole ordeal is over. Just remember, family is everything that you have and nothing lasts forever, not even your heartache and troubles. Good Luck,
2007-01-02 11:44:25 · answer #6 · answered by Hopekins 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this was to harsh, I mean if she can't have an abortion ( I am not in no way saying that she should have one), she has to stay in school, and she has no home. What do you think she is going to do, I admit she need to take responsibility for her child, stay in school, but how can she do these things without some financial help from you. What done is done, now you have to help her learn to take responsibility for the child she is bringing in this world. Not do it for her, but teach her what being a parent is all about. Right now you are angry and feeling betrayed, I am sure I would too, but please don't do something you all will regret for the rest of your life.
2007-01-02 12:07:25 · answer #7 · answered by Gee-Gee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh My Goodness Larry,
Well, I'm a Teacher, and I've seen my share of pregnant teens in school. Listen, I think it was wrong to tell her she can't have an abortion. Having a child is a life-long decision that will affect her, you, and everyone. I say this because I've seen sooo many teen pregnancies, and how young women's lives can totally go off track because of the responsibilties of raising a child. Did she ask you for an abortion? If so, then you were wrong to deny her one. Its her body, her life, her future.
I know its too late--but when you first found her having sex; you should have taken her to Planned Parenthood to get her on birth control. They could have also given her condoms and taught her about safe sex--since 70% of people have an STD. Young women who are sexually active need to learn how to protect themselves. Look, its no shocking that teens have sex. In many countries, people get married at 16 and 17. Teens have stronger hormones than most adults, and they are physically adults.
Well, its too late now because Im sure she'll just have the baby. Her boyfriend and his mom probabaly convinced her to keep it..At
this point--you and her boyfriend will need to sit down and discuss what he's going to do. The answer, probably not much. Sorry to say this--but after the baby is born, he'll probably move on to another girl and be out partying somewhere. What teen wants to be stick in the house with a crying baby, changing diapers 24/7, making bottles, and getting up at 3am? That is difficult for married people--much less some teenage boy who was just looking for a hot piece of tail.
As someone who's seen this 100 times, that baby will probably be raised by that boys Momma or your daughters mom (if she's alive), and You. Your daughter and the baby's daddy will need to finish school, and maybe go to college--and guess who'll be stuck with the baby? Grandma and Grandpa.
Look, if she's less than 4 months---get up 300 bucks and take her to get an abortion. Take her to Planned Parenthood, give her the Mirena IUD--and try to move on from this. Tell her to finish college and try to be sucessful in life--instead of being a BabyMomma.
2007-01-02 12:02:53 · answer #8 · answered by Victory 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, first of all, remember what you were like at that age. Second, kicking her out is not helping. You should be setting ground rules if she lives there, not if you kicked her out. Third, telling someone they cannot have an abortion is not your choice. If you are not going to help her, then this decision does not affect you. What you should have done was sit her down, talk to her about the pros and cons of an abortion, that if she has one, she may regret it the rest of her life, yet is she has the baby, then she will be changing her life forever, but gaining a wonderful life. By kicking her out, you threw her in the situation that she has to rely on her boyfriend who she may not truly love. Be a true parent, be there for her and HELP her make good choices, do NOT demand it, it never works. It's so easy to forget what we were like and I hope you have not damaged your relationship with your daughter.
2007-01-02 11:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by bdgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think at this time, she probably needs you more than you can ever imagine. I know that you are hurt and mad and all that, but can you even begin to imagine how scared and hurt she is right now? Depending on what state you live in, she could possibly be considered an emancipated minor now that she is pregnant and she could have an abortion without your consent or knowledge. How do you expect her to stay in school without any help from you? Do you really want to be out of her life and your grandchild's life forever? You could be setting yourself up for that. If that is a chance you are willing to take, then I guess you made the right decision. If not, then maybe you should reconsider and figure out exactly what role you want to play in your daughter's life.
2007-01-02 11:45:38 · answer #10 · answered by gummygrins 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋