I don't know why, but when I go to a date, I don't want the guy pay for me, or buy me stuff. I don't know I feel bad. I enjoy spending money for them, but since they work, I don't feel good watching them speding their money for me. I don't want them think I am super rich or don't wanna hurt their feelings. I also don't wanna make them enjoy dating me cus I wanna pay for everything. how can I stop doing this??? most girls want guys spend their money for them :(
2007-01-02 11:15:54 · 29 answers · asked by me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am 19 years old
2007-01-02 11:18:37 · update #1
Well, I'm very independant, so I understand. So, just TREAT them sometimes!!! That takes pressure off you. If I was just on a date, I wouldnt mind paying my own way. I dont like men thinking I owe them, and paying lets them know you can take care of yourself.
But, when you start dating for marriage--you better take every piece of jewelry, every rose, every lobster dinner you can get!
2007-01-02 11:21:16 · answer #1 · answered by Victory 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
I've been thru this. I just wanted to make sure that they knew how independent I was and that I wasn't using them like all the other girls. But some guys do get offended.
I think that before you go on your date you let them know that the first couple of dates you each pay for yourself. "going dutch". Then after that you can take turns paying when you out. Or if it's dinner and a movie. You pay for dinner he pays for the movie or vice versa.
2007-01-02 11:22:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was and still is in part the etiquette. Don't feel embarrassed if a man covers the bill, pulls the chair for you to sit, gets up when you get up, opens the door for you and so many other lovely ways that elevate a woman to a lady's pedestal. Gone are the good old days though when women were revered with style by men.
2007-01-02 11:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer to split dinners/movies, etc...or take turns. There's no reason to feel bad for a gift because a gift is somethign a person chooses to purchase for you, so accept them graciously. As for dates though, because of the societal norms, men feel that tehy should pay (even if they don't want to do). Offer guys an out--try to pay for them or split it. If they won't have any of that, then just let them pay. Some guys enjoy spluring on a pretty girl!!
2007-01-02 11:19:55 · answer #4 · answered by ukerin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once dated a girl who offered, and then insisted that she pay for at least one meal. I finally let her though I felt it was my responsibility to pay I was very impressed with her and had a great deal of respect for her since. That was in 1996! I still remember it and we're still friends.
I think it's great that you want to pay. Some guys think it's chivalry to pay for things and sometimes they may think that you don't want him to pay because you don't want him to expect anything from you.
Here's how to deal with it... before you even accept a date (I'm assuming it's dates that you are talking about) you make it clear that you want to do it dutch (meaning you each pay for yourselves or split the bill). OR you can offer to pay for the entire date one time and he on the other. OR you can offer to pay for dessert and the movie if he pays for dinner... If he doesn't like this just let him know that it's not about him, it's about you and your personal beliefs. If he respects you and your sincere and insistent everything should work out fine.
2007-01-02 11:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by Jim Z 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would suggest that if you go out with a guy more than once offer to let him pay for some things and then you pay for some things. He probably only offers to pay all the time because he thinks it's polite, and would be happy to let to pay sometimes. Just make sure he doesn't end up making you pay all the time.
2007-01-02 11:18:35 · answer #6 · answered by Susie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hoeny, it's okay to let people treat you now and then. They work, so they do have money, and they wouldn't offer to pay if they couldn't afford it. Most men like to pay when they ask a woman out... and they feel rejected if the woman insists on paying her own way, they assume she doesn't like them or wants to be "just friends."
Try a compromise until you get comfortable with the idea: offer to "go Dutch" - you pay for your costs, he pays for his costs. If the guy asked you out, and it is obviously a romantic date and not a friend/work thing, then be sure to tell him why you like to pay your own way, so he doesn't feel rejected or get the wrong idea.
2007-01-02 11:22:46 · answer #7 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl!!! This is now 2007...if a man wants to pay for you...LET HIM!!! It is also okay for you to pay like every once in a while if you two continue dateing. But dont feel bad...sheesh! Its not that you are taking advantage of him or anything. You are just letting him pay for you is all.
2007-01-02 11:21:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you tell the that you share the bill or something. Maybe even say you pay this time I pay next time. You know make a compromise. Something you can both work with.
2007-01-02 11:18:46 · answer #9 · answered by fanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, you are so rare, a woman with a conscience. Pumpkin, any man would love to have a gold-hearted woman like yourself. Cupcakes, just tell your dudes that you split the cost but make sure that he will still get to nail you later that evening. Pumpkin, anytime you tell a guy to split costs, he is thinking that you are hedging your bets that he will not get any cake tonight. Make sure you prevent this sweetheart.
2007-01-02 11:20:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋