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I have a 17 month old daughter with my boyfriend of 2.5 years (do the math, we weren't together too long before little Bella). I should have left him a while ago (he lost all of our money to drugs, I slept on some kid's floor for 2 months while pregnant because we had no place to live and he refused to get a job, he pushed me only once but i was pregnant at the time, i caught him calling sex numbers last year, and i am in debt so much because of bills we couldn't pay that we had put into my name)
In November he lost his job (4th one this year) and I was very patient waiting to see what he would do. He finally started to go to school to finish his High School diploma. This morning we had a fight over him getting a job. He said he can't do school and a job at the same time. I said plenty of other people work, go to school, and have children. Is it wrong of me to give him 2 weeks to find a job or else get out? Also, is it wrong for me to expect him to do school and work?

2007-01-02 09:43:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

I have a good job (I'm not just sitting at home telling him to go out and work, I pay all of our bills). Concerning our daughter, he is a good dad (when he's not busy playing video games) and has never hit our daughter or me (save the one pushing incident)

2007-01-02 09:46:00 · update #1

One more thing, when we first got together he was in a band and all that stuff, I was really irresponsible. I feel bad about leaving because I don't know what he would do without me. I guess my big question is, how to leave and not have him hate me forever?

2007-01-02 09:48:45 · update #2

Thank you to everyone...I really appreciate it

2007-01-02 10:39:54 · update #3

24 answers

hun you should totally DITCH him!

think about your poor daughter... how is she gunna live with a druggie for a dad who doesnt even have backbone enough to atleast try to have a job and deal with school? and what guy would make his daughters mother sleep on a FLOOR while shes PREGNANT?

NO its isnt wrong for you to expect him to work and do school. you SHOULD expect that... and if i were you, he would be gone already...

liek i said, ditch him. find a REAL man who is responsible enough to take care of you, and one thats clean and DOESNT have much of criminal history, cuz your bf WILL go to jail if hes caught with drugs. if you cnat find one, then raise bella yourself.

do whats best for Bella...

2007-01-02 09:52:28 · answer #1 · answered by kallissa b 2 · 1 0

Get rid of him!!!

It's hard to work full time, raise a child and go to school, but so many people do it (including me). If he ever wants to make something of himself, he needs to at least get his high school diploma or GED.

If he can't stay off the video games to spend time with his child and won't get and keep a job and won't pay bills and grow up and be a responsible adult, then you need to take your daughter and move on. You will eventually find someone that will treat you and your daughter the way you should be treated.

And just because he only pushed you once, doesn't excuse it. He's a loser and if he did it once he can and probably will do it again.

good luck to you

2007-01-02 17:50:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

wow. that is a rough situation. Well, to answer your question. I think that it is alittle rough to get a job in two weeks and do school at the same time. But i do not think that it is too rough to manage a job and take school at the same time. Many people all over the world do both at the same time. Some even hold down a job and finish college! So him dealing finishing high school and finding a job is not impossible but will be hard to accomplish. It will require many late nights.

2007-01-02 17:56:51 · answer #3 · answered by Random Thoughts 2 · 0 0

A man that won't take provide for his family is worse than an infidel. That means that God would rather see a man cheat on his wife than not pay the bills. In the world we live in, it's almost impossible to get by in a single-income home, so if you need to work, by all means, pay those bills sister! And good for you. But if your man makes you pay ALL of the bills, I'd ask what you're even doing with him. Stick by your HUSBAND through thick or thin, for richer or poorer. That's husband, not just some guy who donated sperm in a sneaky ploy to get a new mother for his daughter and himself.

2007-01-02 17:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by therealj5girl 3 · 0 0

it doesnt sound like a good father 2 me if he did drugs and has no job AND didnt finish high schol. im 17 and i do schol and job, it aint that hard, so it defintly aint hard for a grown up 2 do. som kids even has 2 or 3 jobs. so no it aint wrong fo u 2 expect him 2 go 2 schol and work. but when it comes 2 findin it, it takes a lot longer, especially knowin that he has no diploma or anythin. if he really is lookin fo a job, then giv him bout 2 or 2 1/2. he needs 2 get serious. if he still slacks off and stuff, just kick em out.

2007-01-02 17:54:39 · answer #5 · answered by herimos 4 · 1 0

You have given him plenty of chances to grow the hell up and he refuses to do so. Many people go to school and work at the same time and giving him two weeks to find yet another job (fifth in a YEAR) is more than reasonable. It’s not just your life he’s ruining -- now you’re responsible for a child’s life. Cut your loses and dump him already!

2007-01-02 17:55:10 · answer #6 · answered by Celt 3 · 0 0

There are several issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. But outside of the job issue and his GED and everything else you need to ask yourself if you are happy with the environment that you are going to bring your baby into. Unfortunately you are the only one who can answer how happy you want to make your baby. If you seem like your fighting him rather than working together with him to create an environment that is healthy for your child then you already know what you have to do. It wont be easy but you really need to make him see that you will not compromise about what is going to be good for your baby. Let him know that you know exactly how to accomplish that environment and if you have to create that environment by yourself than you'd rather BE by yourself...if he is not going to work with you then why stay with him. I wont even address the obvious - sleeping on the floor while pregnant and him putting his hands on you and his drug problem. These things are stressful situations that arent good for pregnancy or child rearing...they arent even healthy for you as an individual. I'm really sorry, it sounds like you are having a rough time, but the fact that you are questioning this...sounds like your bright and you care about your baby. Do the right thing for you and your child. Make the most of your life. Only YOU can...

2007-01-02 17:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by shanstew 3 · 1 0

It is not all about money, he has to learn how to be responsible. I worked, went to school and took care of my 2 kids. It is not easy but you have to do it sometimes. I think you are totally right. Let him rough it for a while and learn how to grow up. You need to take care of you and her. I have been with plenty of loosers like him. You never know maybe he will change but he has to do that on his own. Give him the boot and let him make the decision if he is going to grow up or not.
Good luck!!!

Dont worry about him hating you, worry about your daughter hating you for not wanting better for you and her. If he does not understand why you are doing this, than f*ck it, he isnt helping you at all. It will be hard at first but you can make it through it!!!

2007-01-02 17:49:30 · answer #8 · answered by bb77blueeyes 3 · 0 0

There you have it. You found yourself a real winner. You need to get him out of your life for the sake of yourself and your child. If you can, get child support and if not, you go on social assistance, get help from family and friends regarding your daughter and find employment yourself and then, a new man. hopefully with a job and a future. The sooner you get rid of your looser boyfriend and move on the better you will be. Do you know how much it costs to send a child to college? Do you want to find yourself in the same situation 10 years from now?

2007-01-02 17:48:07 · answer #9 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0 0

I believe he has shown you who he is and what kind of man he is and will be. It's time for you to decide if you are going to supplement his lifestyle while sacrificing the life you and your child need and deserve. He is a pathetic loser if all he does is play video games, drugs, and sex hot lines. And to be honest, if your working and taking care of daughter, what do you need him around for anyway?! You are much better off without him! Move on and look up for better things.

2007-01-02 17:55:26 · answer #10 · answered by BG 1 · 0 0

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