What would you say/do if all that someone did was be negative, rude, critical, and made fun of people because of their education? My step-father is drives me insane with his rude comments every time I visit my mother at his place! What would you do? (Rude comments will be ignored).
2007-01-02 09:42:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My advice would be to have your mother meet you somewhere other than "his place". Obviously the two of you don't get along, and this way you wouldn't have to see him. I wouldn't advise challenging the step father, only because that is your mother's husband, and regardless, she is married to him. That could only become a problem for her after all is said and done until your next visit, when it will probably start again.
Have you tried talking to him as an adult? Letting him know that his rude behavior upsets you is another way you can try to fix the problem. If he still acts like a child, then you can always meet your mom elsewhere for lunch, shopping, etc. so the two of you don't have to see each other.
2007-01-02 10:02:52 · answer #1 · answered by candyyy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respond with kindness as though he is a patient in a mental healthcare facility. If you visited a home for the elderly, you would find a few folks whose behavior would be very unacceptable in public. However, in that environment, they are treated as though they cannot change their behavior due to mental deterioration.
DO NOT take him seriously, otherwise you give validation to his viewpoint. Here are some empathetic responses:
- I'm so sorry to hear that they are at a disadvantage like that
- Some folks can be happy in spite of their lack of education
- They sure can appreciate the simple things
- Most folks like that seem to be at peace with themselves
Recognize that the problem belongs to your stepfather, not you. You will not fix him. I doubt that he can fix himself.
You do not have to explain a kind response if he asks, but he won't understand it anyway.
2007-01-02 09:55:52 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a step mum and I know I drive my step sons nuts. I dont go out of my way to believe me but you see I see things so different to them. It doesn't make them right but different. I will give you a example of some of the dramas we go through. Xmas this year we decided to do a Kris Kringle for the kids because they are all getting older and all together we have 9 children. So anyway we all got 1 gift for someone. While out shopping one day I saw this real cool cigarette lighter in the shape of a police car and when you flipped the lid sirens went off. I thought it was cool and even though I bought it for not my Kris Kringle I stuck it under the tree for one of my step sons. Upon opening it he was disgusted. Said he had been embarrassed in front of the whole family and he left. I was shocked. I thought he'd, like me, would love it. He grew up with his mother he has completely different morals to I and I have learnt I cant change that and you should understand that about your step father. He is what he is and your mother loves him. You will have to learn to cope.
2007-01-02 09:53:25 · answer #3 · answered by karena k 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am a step-father and, like Karena K, between us we have 9 children. She raised hers differently than I raised mine, except for her last one who we are raising together.
We still have conflicts about how to do that, mostly I back out.
Hopefully, I am not rude or unduly critical, but I probably am.
Having said that, I like Rocky's answer.
I will add don't get into a whizzing contest with him. Win or lose your mother is the one who will suffer.
2007-01-02 10:25:14 · answer #4 · answered by deepndswamps 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore HIS IGNORANCE !! You go to visit your mother talk with her about how this bothers "YOU" ! Yea it's his house and all and your just visiting. Ask your mother to meet "you" else where so you don't have to be polluted with his comments. If you have to be subject to it the only one who can change that is "YOU" !! At least your TRYING to FIND a Solution !! People can and do change but they have to do it for themselves. You'll just end up in a stupid argument if you try and speak your mind about it.
I feel for your mom cause she has to put up with it daily !!
BEST OF LUCK !!
VISIT WHEN HE'S NOT THERE AND BITE YOUR TONGUE IF HE SHOWS UP !!
2007-01-02 09:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Chris C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just ignore it, unless what he says is totally rude. Simply tell him that you don't like what he said, and that he needs to stop. If he doesn't stop, leave the room. Does your mother know about his rude behaviour? Talk to your mother about it and try to see what she can do.
2007-01-02 09:45:40 · answer #6 · answered by *~*RaChAel*~* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fight back throw those rude comments right back at him and see how he reacts. if he continues with the rude behavior then talk to your mother about it maybe she can help
2007-01-02 10:01:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say "thank-you for sharing that with me", and I'll take that under advisement", that way you effectively shut him down without being rude and confronative like him, and he cant possibly argue with you because you have agreed with him to a certain degree
2007-01-02 09:48:24 · answer #8 · answered by rocky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell my mother she can visit me all she wants at my house but that man of hers is not allowed in my house. And do not count on me visiting her at her house. No one disrespects me and her man has lost his mind if he thinks I'm putting up with his mouth.
2007-01-02 10:00:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mother about him and tell her how you feel. Ask her for advice.
Most importantly though, if you really love your mother, you need to learn to tolerate him for her sake. Just keep telling yourself you are doing it for her and not him. Hope that helps!
2007-01-02 09:46:14 · answer #10 · answered by AngelPrincess 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋