My bf wants me to use the pill so that I don't get pregnant and I am also not ready for having a baby...but this whole thing is giving me mixed feelings.
Prob is, I just turned 30 and do need to think about my future - I do want to have a family and raise children in the next few years as my biological clock is ticking. However, my current bf has no intention of having children - well, at least with me! Hm.
I'd be totally okay with this if I were younger but like, when I think about the future ahead of me, my mind tells me that I should look for someone who does want children and who will think of the future, even if things don't work out in the end...instead of being with someone just because it's fun.
But I also feel SO weird thinking about children so much...I wish I didn't have to think ahead... Am I just being desperate or am I being rational, considering my age? Am I wasting my time being with him or worrying too much about my age and the unpredictable future?
2007-01-02 09:06:15 · 19 answers · asked by Princess Marianna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
one of the things that makes long-term relationships work is shared goals and wishes from life. if you want children and he doesn't, that is a pretty big point of difference, and one that you might not be able to reconcile.
i guess i would suggest you talk to your partner, and let him know how you are feeling. but if he is definite about not having children (at least with you), then maybe it is worth moving on and finding someone who will have similar life goals to you.
only you can work out your priorities in life, but if children is a big one, then that is definitely something you have to think about. which will you regret more - staying with your boyfriend, or leaving?
oh and btw - to all the people who are talking about having kids after 35 and 40... it really is not that easy. a woman's fertility really does start to decline after about 30, so please be aware of it. just because there are women giving birth later now, does not mean it is easy nor adviseable. there are far greater health risks for both the mother and child , and who wants to be in their 60s with a 20 year old still living at home?!? my dad had me quite late in life, and when i turn 30, he will be 75. he is an old man already, and i am just lucky he is healthy...
2007-01-02 09:20:03 · answer #1 · answered by girl3blonde 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really need to exam your feelings further on this. If children is something you really want and you believe your current b/f will never come around to feeling the same way it's best you ended the relationship and find someone else that also want kids. As far as your clock-ticking away you still have some time so I wouldn't be too concerned about it just yet. Good luck with whatever you decide.
2007-01-02 18:10:40 · answer #2 · answered by color me blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to find a new boyfriend. If you are in a relationship that neither of you are heading in the same direction, you need to cut ties. Make a 5 year plan and decide where you want to be. Keeping in mind that there are risks with having a first child after the age of 35. If this boyfriend doesn't want children, by all means use birth control while you are with him. Don't bring a child into the world that no one wants. Evaluate your priorities and go from there. Good luck.
2007-01-02 17:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jinny E 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he never wants to have kids with you then its a total waste of your time now. After 30 the years go by so quick you dont even know what happened. There is no guarantee that if you meet someone it will work out but with this guy you already know it wont. At 30 you dont have time to play around anymore if kids is what you want in your future.
2007-01-02 17:15:35 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not worrying too much and you are being rational, We are dealing with elemental things here. You are programmed to want children. A lot of men are too, other than the urge for sex I mean. Otherwise you wouldn't be here would you? I have a daughter of exactly your age (I don't mind if you call me Dad!) whose problem was exactly yours but has now been sorted. If your bf won't give you children (and you have no right to deceive him in to doing so!) , then you need to find a man who will. Your bf may be fun, but when you are too old to produce you'll tear him to bits for denying you your birthright and he'll leave you anyway.
2007-01-02 17:50:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.. If you tell him that you have decided that you do want children in the future and he still says that he does not then you have to decide whether to remain childless to be with him or call it a day and look for someone new. It is natural to want to have a baby but some women live happily after deciding not to have children. Do you love him enough??
2007-01-02 17:17:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not exactly wasting your time, if you are enjoying this time in you life. you still have many years ahead to have children.
However, if you do not intend to spend the rest of your life with this man, then perhaps its time to start searching for Mr. Right.
You will without a doubt, be as happy, or hopefully even happier, with your life partner, once you have found him. The sooner, this happens, you can begin planning for your FUTURE!
Good Luck!
2007-01-03 00:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by Mikez Bad Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone else. If you definitely want kids and he definitely doesn't, then it sounds like it's time to find someone who does want to have a family. The way that you say he doesn't want kids - at least not with you - sounds like you may not really have a future with him anyway. Don't give up your dreams of having a family for someone who (from what you said) may not really see his future with you anyway. He's not worth it. Leave him and find someone who sees things the way you do!
2007-01-02 17:29:21 · answer #8 · answered by jammycaketin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sit down and have a full on conversation with him about it and ask is there any chance he eva wants kids if not u should get rid of him and find someone who wants the same things in life as you, like you say your biological clock is ticking and you never know when ul hit the end of your menstraul cycle you dont wanna leave it to late or you might not be able to have kids.
2007-01-02 17:17:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance, as he hasnt done nothing wrong but not want kids yet. If this is ever, and you would rather children than a decent relationship, then all be it, go and find someone who can give you what you want. Its not wrong for you to consider your options as you are growing older. Aslong as it is not just your feelings you are considering!
2007-01-02 17:15:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋