I don't know how to tell my boyfriend, please help?

Question

I have just started seeing my boyfriend, we haven't been together long but we are really into each other.

We haven't had sex yet because I need to have an operation and I can't have sex beforehand as it will hurt or for a while afterwards. On top of this there is a chance I may be infertile.

I haven't told him the reason. As we have only just started seeing each other I am scared of how he will react to this and I am embarrassed to tell him. I know he would be understanding but i am worried how this will affect our relationship and whether it is all to heavy for the beginning.

Also I am scared he won't find me as attractive if he finds all of this out.

Please can anyone help or advise me?

We are both mid-twenties

Answer 1

What a tricky question darling. I am sorry to hear that it may leave you infertile but you won't be any less beautiful or a woman.
If I was in the same situation I would probably wait to tell your new boyfriend, at least until you have got to know him a little bit better and you feel confident enough. If he is any kind of real man then he will understand and not judge you just because you cannot have children, lets face it honey there are many people out there who cannot have kids but they get by, there are other ways of having a family if that's what you want.
It is a very heavy thing to tell him especially because it is only early days so maybe just let him know that you are having this operation and as a result you cannot have sex before and after, but you can please each other in different ways.
Good luck honey. You will know when you are ready to tell him the whole truth.
God Bless.xx

Answer 2

first how old are you, i know we`re not supposed to ask but it will help with the answer.assuming your mid twenties or less, then i don`t think you have a problem, i think the biggy is how you will feel if what you fear happens.like you said you hav`nt known him too long and although its great now, who knows a month or two down the lane. just tell him your not into sex until you know each other better, if he`s a nice guy he`ll wait. being infertile dos`nt mean the end of the world and it may not turn out like that hopefully. so my advise is to take one step at a time. here hoping things turn out great for you.....andymuzic

Answer 3

"finds out"?

YOU haven't even found out yet. I say he doesn't get to know unless you have some seriously solid information yourself on the subject. This is a serious and personal matter. "Might be" just isn't solid enough for you to trust anyone with the information bar yourself, your doc, one or two very close friends and maybe your mum.

If this is a long term thing (i.e., you've already clocked up a year or so and it's looking like getting Serious - though it doesn't sound like it!) then you need to get sure yourself quite quickly because it IS important in your relationship and he does have a right to know. But get facts, or as close as you can get to them, before you tell him anything.

If you're not at that stage, you don't need to say anything.

Answer 4

Look babe,
You would want someone to be with you for the right reason right?
You wouldn't like it if you felt that you'd been trapped, now would you?
So, if you do love this guy, the only way you're going to make sure he's the right one for you, is by being honest with him.
It's better that he bolts out now, than reproaches you for having lied to him later.
He needs to have all the facts to make his decision. Don't deceive him. A good relationship needs to be built on trust, not fear, and lies.
You may lose him if you tell him the truth, but how long will you keep him for after he will have discover your lies?
Would you stand to see the disappointment in his eyes, the despise?
Come on, be strong and do the right thing. What you would want him to do for you.
Do tell him that it costs you to say all this to him, and you are telling him only because you love him and want him to make his decision about you knowingly.
Good luck babe, with everything.
Trust me, you have everything to gain by being honest.xxx

Answer 5

It's better to be honest sooner but if you guys just got together having children should be the last things on your mind. If this surgery is something STD related from a previous relationship I would suggest telling him sooner than later if it could affect him.
If you are embarrassed maybe you should hold off sleeping with him all together.

Answer 6

Tell him about the operation of course but unless you know you are infertile why would you need to say anything about that in the start of a relationship?

Answer 7

for goodness sake! Contrary to popular belief there is more to life than sex! Even guys (some of them) agree! So just enjoy the journey, also get them to harvest your eggs if there is a chance you cd become infertile, then you can still have biological children, ! Miracles happen so don't discount those either!

Answer 8

if he is as into you as you say, his view of you should not change. And if it doesn't you will know he is not the right man for you. I think it is early in the relationship to tell him this, but it is your decision. Maybe you should try and get to know him a little more, try figuring him out before you share such personal information. That way you can make sure it is the best thing. All the best.

Answer 9

If he really cares for you, don't worry. Just set him down and say "this is why we can have sex. I know you may not want to hear it, but that's why." If he can't accept that then that's probably all he wants from you and may not really care. Just tell him. I think he'll understand. If he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. i hope everything works out. Good Luck!

Answer 10

You may want to slip into a conversation that you need to have an operation in the future and see how he reacts. You can then eplain what it is an why you need to have it. If he loves you, he'll understand and not ask you about sex.