5 yr old niece touching herself?

Question

I live at my parent's house and my 5 yr old niece is living there as well (my brother and his wife have always left my mother to care for there daughter.. only once did they take her home to actually care for her and that was done to "get back" at my mom after an argument between my sister in law and mom, that only lasted a few months and she was brought back -apparently her mother is tired and needs time to herself)
ANYWAY, I am continuously finding my niece with her hands in her pants rubbing herself, sometimes even pressing against it with her fingers and I have also found her "mounted" on the side of my 2 year old's table rubbing her crotch on the edge of the table. My mom has taken her to the dr to make sure there is no rash or anything like that. She was told everything looked fine. Is this normal?

Yeah I suspected that. Talking to her parents would probably only make the situation worse, they'd surely end up making fun of her if not yelling/punishing her.

She has started school already. I have talked to her numerous times, and have explained that she should not do it in public... hasn't seemed to help. She does it wherever whenever and is a bit rough about it sometimes... she also brings down her bottoms along with undies out of nowhere and flashes her top up..

Answer 1

Masturbation in Preschoolers

What is masturbation?

Masturbation is self-stimulation of the genitals for pleasure and self-comfort. Children may rub themselves with a hand or other object. Masturbation is more than the normal inspection of the genitals commonly observed in 2-year-olds during baths. During masturbation, a child usually appears dazed, flushed, and preoccupied. A child may masturbate as often as several times each day or just once a week. Masturbation occurs more commonly when a child is sleepy, bored, watching television, or under stress.

Why does my child masturbate?

Occasional masturbation is a normal behavior of many toddlers and preschoolers. Up to a third of children in this age group discover masturbation while exploring their bodies. Often they continue to masturbate simply because it feels good. Some children masturbate frequently because they are unhappy about something, such as having their pacifier taken away. Others are reacting to punishment or pressure to stop masturbation completely.
Masturbation has no medical causes. Irritation in the genital area causes pain or itching; it does not cause masturbation.

How long does it last?

Once your child discovers masturbation, he or she will seldom stop doing it completely. Your child may not do it as often if any associated power struggles or unhappiness are remedied. By age 5 or 6, most children can learn some discretion and will masturbate only in private. Masturbation becomes almost universal at puberty in response to the normal surges in hormones and sexual drive.

Will masturbation cause problems later in life?

Masturbation does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body. It is not abnormal or excessive unless it is deliberately done in public places after age 5 or 6. It does not mean your child will be oversexed, promiscuous, or sexually deviant. Only if adults overreact to a child's masturbation and make it seem dirty or wicked will it cause emotional harm, such as guilt and sexual hangups.

How can I help my child?

1. Have realistic goals.
It is impossible to eliminate masturbation. Accept the fact that your child has learned about it and enjoys it. The only thing you can control is where he or she does it. A reasonable goal is to permit it in the bedroom and bathroom only. You might say to your child, "It's OK to do that in your bedroom when you're tired." If you completely ignore the masturbation, no matter where it's done, your child will think he or she can do it freely in any setting.

2. Ignore masturbation at naptime and bedtime.
Leave your child alone at these times and do not keep checking on him or her. Do not forbid your child from lying on the abdomen and do not ask if his or her hands are between the legs.

3. Distract or discipline your child for masturbation at other times.
First try to distract your child with a toy or activity. If this fails, explain to your child: "I know that feels good, and it's okay to do it in your room or the bathroom, but do not do it in the rest of the house or when other people are around." By the time children are 4 or 5 years old, they become sensitive to other people's feelings and understand that they should masturbate only when they are alone. Younger children may have to be sent to their rooms to masturbate.

4. Discuss this approach with your child's day care or preschool staff.
Ask your child's caregiver or teacher to respond to your child's masturbation by first trying to distract the child. If this doesn't work, they should catch the child's attention with comments such as, "We need to have you join us now." Masturbation should be tolerated at school only at naptime.

5. Increase physical contact with your child.
Some children will masturbate less if they receive extra hugging and cuddling throughout the day. Try to be sure that your child receives at least 1 hour every day of special time together and physical affection from you.

6. Common mistakes.
The most common mistake that parents make is to try to eliminate masturbation completely. This leads to a power struggle which the parents inevitably lose. Children should not be physically punished for masturbation, nor yelled at or lectured about it. Do not label masturbation as bad, dirty, evil, or sinful, and do not tie your child's hands or use any kind of restraints. All of these approaches lead only to resistance and possibly later to sexual inhibitions.
When should I call my child's health care provider?
Call during office hours if:
• Your child continues to masturbate when other people are around.
• You suspect that your child has been taught to masturbate by someone.
• You child tries to masturbate others.
• You feel your child is unhappy.
• You cannot accept any masturbation by your child.
• This approach does not bring improvement within 1 month.
• You have other questions or concerns.


I hope this helps. Good luck!!

Answer 2

Stimulation is normal. It feels good, so she continues. Children this age do not understand "propriety", so if it feels good, they'll do it anytime, anywhere. Tell her that it is ok (you don't want to shame her out of it), but that it is something that she should do in her room. The times you really need to worry about a child who is stimulating themselves is if they are trying to do it to other children, are mimicking behaviors that are not appropriate for their cognitive level (such as imitating gestures/movements they may have seen on a movie), or using objects instead of their hands. In these cases, I would suspect abuse. As long as she doesn't have a yeast infection or other itch-causing reason to be rubbing, then she is ok.

Answer 3

She touches herself because it feels good. This is completely normal, lots of young girls and boys do this. Team up with her parents to teach her this isn't appropriate to do around other people. Don't be mean or criticize her, just say this is something you do in private. If she does this in school she may be made fun of and embarrassed.
Well, edit out the parent thing then. It's too bad that they would react like that. Do you feel comfortable teacher her this? Someone should before she starts school if she hasn't started already.

Answer 4

My 17 month old will rub on blankets and I believe it's because she has less attention now that her baby brother is born. I leave her alone when she does it- after all she is entitled to her feelings and if it feels good then I don't care. She's learning her body and exploring different sensations and this is one we all find. Watch her though and make sure she's not hurting herself.

Answer 5

Completely normal.....even in children much younger. Just like you know that it feels good, they figure it out too. They brush up against something at one time or another and think "hey...they felt good" She doesn't realize that eventually it will be sexual. If it becomes a problem, like in public or something, I would talk to her about it, but it is important not to make children that young think that they are being dirty or nasty because they won't understand that.

Answer 6

My niece would touch her butt all the time and scratch it and I'm talking about she would put her fingers in her butthole and she would put her fingers under my nose and other peoples nose. Now I know why her hands always smelled like butt

Answer 7

Not to make you scared but 5 is way too young for them to know (unless someone showed them) i was sexually abused by my father and i would have never known that "feelijng" at that age by my self...no 5 yr old thinks about that...talk to her. dont tell the parents...either one of them could be a suspect. no matter how well you know them...my father went to church every sunday and helped out in the community alot....and "watched: other peoples kids when they needed a babysitter...and hurt them like he did me. Be careful and know that it will take time and patience for her to tell you....

Answer 8

It's normal!
Just explain to her (and she's old enough), that we don't do that in front of other people.

Distract her and do something fun with her hands. Playdoh, clay, painting, etc.