What to do about horrible children?

Question

I am a single mother of many years. I have brought the children up on my own. My children are 27, 24 and 21 - all boys and still living at home (studying). The eldest and youngest are very bright and successful. The middle one is not so clever in an intellectual way, but is to my mind a much better person - he is hard working (they all are), but he is also kind and thoughtful. My problem is that the eldest and youngest have no time for for the middle son because he doesn't have their kind of IQ and abilities and are nasty about him behind his back. I am disabled and the middle one helps me in all kinds of ways. The other two help reluctantly and only when I ask. I am at a stage where I can't stand the eldest and youngest because they are such arrogant nasty people regarding their brother, and I have fantasies about leaving home ( which is ridiculous because I am the sole provider of the household rent, food, utilities etc) and never seeing them again. What should I d

Answer 1

Oh, honey! Leave home with the middle son, and let the other 2 figure it out for themselves! They ARE adults, now...aren't they?! If you're the one paying rent and household expenditures, and they are assholes to your middle son, pack up your **** and hit the road. Go. Be happy for a change, before it's too late. Life is short. Live hard. It is time to be selfish, and not to worry about making everyone else happy. Don't you deserve that? Haven't you done enough for the other 2? they're big boys, they can grow up now.

Answer 2

Have a serious discussion with the oldest and the youngest. Point out that you are aware that they are making comments that you find to be arrogant and nasty. Point out all of the good qualities of their brother, and bring up (uncomfortable) times when they have been treated unfairly. Try to make them realize that a family unit has to "work together" - and try to get them to acknowledge that they have not been doing a good job. Maybe they will change. I hope so.

If not, it may be that they have developed into nasty arrogant people, and you may have no way to stop it. They are adults, and have to make their own choices.

At that point it would be time to tell the middle child that you plan on kicking them out of the house (for good) because of what they have done.

Careful - there may be issues with respect to the annimosity which you do not understand. You need to be a careful listener before making any moves.

Answer 3

If your children are 27 and 21 there is no reason you need to be their sole support even if they are still in school. Especially if they are as bright and successful as you say they are. Tell the older and younger kids that they need to move out on their own if they aren't going to help out, and let the middle child stay and help you out. He seems to be the smartest of the bunch when it comes down to the things that are really important.

Answer 4

I think it's time you set some rules up. If your oldest and youngest aren't contributing, you should tell them it's time they moved out and got a place somewhere.

Tell your older sons you think it's time they moved out and started their own lives. That you feel this is the best thing for them and for you. You are aging and they are young and should start living their own lives. You need to spend your years in more comfort and with less stress and work in your life. Tell them you want your middle son to remain with you as you don't wish to be totally alone and he has agreed to do so.

Tough beans with how they feel about that. I'm sure you don't need to discuss why with them, but if they do bring it out then let them have it.

You are paying the food and bills? No way sister...that is wrong, wrong, wrong.

You are sending all the wrong messages to your boys and especially your middle son and he will end up hating all of you if you don't fix this problem soon.

Aso be sure he wants to remain with you. Discuss your plans and intent with him first so there are no surprises.

You do not want him staying out of some sense of obligation to you, but because he really wants to. That being said he is entitled to his own life too, and you needn't interfere with his life when he starts seeing someone.

You may be happier in a seniors center with active seniors and staff to help you out. You should consider all three boy's feelings.

There are lots of great places and maybe you need to make that ultimate sacrifice for all of their sakes.

I think it's sad when children never get a chance to grow up and spread their wings and fly. They will regret that when they are older and it will be too late then. Sometimes it's hard to let go and you need to kick them out. Hard as it is, they will thank you for it.

Answer 5

Your two problem kids need to learn some responsibility, like getting a job and contributing to the household expenses and chores. It's time you had a serious talk with them. Don't worry. They won't leave home, at least not for long when they realize how good they had it.

Answer 6

Make them move if they are being like that they are old enough to support them selves let them do it i am 27 and have lived on my own for about 3 yrs when i was living at home i was paying rent and helping with groceries and paying my own bills like cell phone and etc.

Answer 7

I think that is just horrible.... The middle child sound wonderful... kick them out give then 6 week and then get them the heck out or make them all pay rent ...they need to be appart from each other so they cave grow into there own people

Answer 8

You might be disabled but you are also disableing your own children. It is time to let them leave the nest and become their own person. Why are you so dependent on keeping them at home at their ages? You must look into yourself and your own selfish needs. It will be hard to have them leave, but think about them and not yourself. Good luck.

Answer 9

NOT TO SOUND HARSH BUT TO TRY AND HELP WITH YOUR SITUATION, MAY I SUGGEST THAT YOUR 27 AND 21 YEAR OLD SONS FIND THEIR OWN PLACE TO LIVE. THE TIME FOR THIS IS SIMPLY "NOW". GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

I think you should see a psychologist or psychiatrist ASAP.