My parents are separated, and my dad's out of the picture pretty much. My mom is very manipulative and can be very mean to me, so I have to be careful not to get close to her emotionally. Most of my family tends to support my mom more than they do me. I'm in college and feel very isolated and lonely. I do have a few friends, but I'm afraid to talk to them about the stuff that's so crazy in my life (like what my mom does to me) because I'm afraid they'll freak out--their lives are so different from mine! I am in counseling, but I still feel lonely, especially for hugs and support from a mom. What can I do? Have any of you been in that situation and figured a way out? Can I get an "adopted" mom?
Thanks so much!
2007-01-02 08:00:00 · 6 answers · asked by kacey 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, you can get an adopted mom. Look for a role model at college - dorm "mother" or mentor in a prof. I can relate to your experience and can also tell you that it is possible to get past your pain and loss. It takes a lot of time and counseling. Good for you for getting into therapy. You definitely need to build your own support system outside of your family situation. As you develop this relationship with others, you will find people that can listen and love you for who you are today. Good luck!
2007-01-02 08:11:18 · answer #1 · answered by kimawah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can find an adopted mom! It is going to take some time though to find a supportive, healthy and caring older woman who can fill that role. Look first to women you already know. Friends moms, women from work, women at school (advisors, supportive teachers), and women at church if you go to church. If you are interested in any community activities you might try and find someone there that you connect with. Groups that are social justice oriented usually have more willing adoptive moms. You might also look online, there might be an organization that already hooks people up with eachother, maybe even in your local area.
Look for mentor groups, women's groups, and women's support groups in your area.
You also might not be in the right counseling place. You can talk to your therapist about what you are feeling is missing. You might look around a little and see if you can find another more emotionally supportive therapist. Counseling doesn't have to be cold and stark. My most recent therapist gave me lots of hugs, lit candles for me at the beginning of every session and always gave really nice warm compliments. She was very loving and felt very motherly. You can seek that out, it is your therapy.
You can also visit nursing homes and find an adopted grandmother if you would like. There are many elderly women who don't get any visitors. It's very sad.
2007-01-02 08:19:20 · answer #2 · answered by choice478 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have almost the same problem with my mom - we haven't really been able to talk, or even be considerate for that matter - for an extremely long time. I've found that in order to take away the pain, and even try to reach my mother in any way, I have to talk to somebody outside of family. My friends have lives almost entirely opposite of mine, but with taking all of their advice and combining it I find a way to cope. Some say hate her, others say to reach out....but the thing that you need the most is for someone to listen. I went to counseling myself, but it is really helpfull to hear from someone that you know AND trust. Confide in your friends, if they are true then they'll understand your situation. I'm sure they are good buds to you - trust them.
If your mother won't change (but I'm not saying don't try to reach to her at all!) then it is best to leave her at that. Many differences will stay there forever, and you simply have to accept it. I have several 'adoptive' parents to help make up for the loss I have with my mother right now. Even when I was young, it was nice even just to talk to my friends' parents. Find somebody to lean on. It helps SO much...
Good luck
2007-01-02 08:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Corinne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to empower yourself. Hook up with a group that helps out families with respite care. That is, maybe once a week you go and take their child to the park or to the movies to give mum or dad a break . That way you can build a relationship with a little person who needs it and you can empower yourself by knowing that you are a caring and valuable person in the community. You are the only one who can change your situation, so get out there and mix it with the rest of us. Sometimes it is just the first initial steps that hold us back from achieving what we really want or need. If you don't act now than your mum has won, and by the sounds of it that's exactly what she wants. Don't give it to her.
2007-01-02 08:12:39 · answer #4 · answered by lavalux 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can certainly find "adopted moms" (e.g. supportive and loyal people, male or female) in the world. You just need to find and build your own support networks of "moms" who look out for each other. Don't figure you will be able to change your own mother though. That never works.
2007-01-02 08:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by silverside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother was the same way. She finally disowned me. Being an alcoholic didn't help matters. We were estranged for 30+ years. Til her death bed, when she wanted to see me. I went, thought it would bring closure. Sometimes I'm glad she wasn't in my life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be such a great Mom to my girls. And I thanked her for that.
2007-01-02 08:06:19 · answer #6 · answered by tyme2wakeup 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋