HELP! Interfaith marriage and last minute jitter breakdowns...and parental chaos?

Question

HELP! Interfaith marriage and last minute jitter breakdowns...and parental chaos?
I am a very open minded secular person who is spiritual but not religious. My girlfriend is from a different denomination an comes from a religious family. We have been together for 7 years and gone through lots of hard times trying to balance each other's religious views.

We had planned an engagement in the coming summer and marriage few months later. Pre-ceremony jitters are normal things to a degree but my girlfriend has freaked and called everything off including the relationship, citing our religious differences as a causing factor, which she says makes her unhappy.

Broken hearts are one thing, but this is something I wasnt ready for. I have been with this woman for 7 years and we would already have been married were it not for our college studies. My parents (who are religious) initially were skeptical but have come to love my gf while her parents have always been apprehensive towards me and sometimes question the union.
Please help!

Somwe time ago (few years) my gf asked me to consider conversion. but this is not for me as i dont believe in bogging one's self down in one category. God, Allah ,Being is divine. everybody follows what they like--I have zero problems but cannot hole myself down in one specific organized religion.

her pre marriage jitters or concerns about faith were nonexistent previously (except some time ago when she asked me to convert). interfaith marriages work-sometimes dont they? in today's global world it should be an ordinary thing for some?

Thanks everyone for taking the time out to answer my question however please dont post if you have nothing constructive to add. i came here for advice, not other things

Answer 1

I believe in the eyes of God, you have taken this woman as your wife. Each of you separately need to set aside all thoughts of the world and just pray. If each of you individually can develop a personal relationship with the Lord, then you may find it easier to grow as a couple in service to Him. Deep down you may find your religions are not so different and may be able to compromise.

Answer 2

There is a big difference between, for example, a baptist/catholic interfaith marriage and a Jewish/Muslim interfaith marriage. Your question is not specific about the faiths, so I can't determine if it's religion or some other factor that's involved here. You should be able to work out most issues between christian religions, but it may be more difficult should the religions be too extremely different. Hopefully, if you are getting married, you've chatted about things like how you are going to raise children - under which religion. Still, I can't help but think there's some other factor, other than religion that's causing the breakup. EDIT: Ah, now I see that you cannot be tied down to one religion and that in a way you have your own religion. The thing is, that's not a religion. My advice is that if you love her, take up her religion. There are folks in every religion who have their doubts, but by choosing hers, you agree to become part of something that's very important to her. If you can't do that, then you should set her free.

Answer 3

I'm sure you are a nice guy, and sincere. But really, she has good reason to be concerned.
A relationship such as you have had is really just a close friendship. Now you're talking about marriage - pledging yourselves to one another for life.
Her faith is important to her, evidently, and will become even more so, when children come into the picture.
You, on the other hand, say you believe - but in what? You don't want to be "holed down".
You have no religion, and she does.
Unless you come to realize fully how important this is, you will never be able to make this marriage/family work like a marriage/family should.

Answer 4

I think maybe your gf has a valid reason for calling off the wedding. if her faith is very important to her like you make it sound, then it could cause problems in your marriage,...not her religion, but your differences could eventually tear you apart. I know you've been together for 7 years, but so many things change when you get married. this is a fundamental aspect of your lives that really should match up. What happens when you have children and she wants to raise them up in her faith but you are indifferent or don't want them to be religious? What kind of message will that send your kids? I understand your being caught off gaurd and I sincerely hope the two of you can work things out. Good Luck

Answer 5

I went thru the same thing when I was getting married. I am Lutheran and my husband's family is Penecostal. Total marriage hell! My dad offered us either the wedding or he can give us $10,000. I should have taken the money and ran! We did come to a truce and went with the cermony but there are still hard feelings between the two families that are just now 6 years later getting better. looking back, I think all the hype is over rated. We could've used that money for a house downpayment. My suggestion is to go get married in Vegas or somewhere tropical, take your honeymoon, then have a reception when you get back. Invite intimate family to come if you must so they don't get pissed and haunt you later. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Hi ,
Sorry for the way things worked out, but shes right in her decision. Your not to be unequally yoked. Basically her being a Christian and your not, being with a universal view of God is a disaster for starting a marriage on.

Pretending to get saved wouldn't help either. Most ministers want a few couples secessions before they agree to marry you to prevent these type of things from happening.

I am truly sorry sounds like you care for her, but it sounds like she wants a mate for life, and not a divorce in the future.

Denominations are Minor differences for the most part although I have seen Protestants marry Catholics and it makes it extremely difficult. Which church does the family attend, and issues of such.

One person believing in Jesus Christ as there lord and savior and another in just a God out there is not a minor issue its a show stopper!

Now that schools over maybe take sometime to think about eternity. If you were to die tomorrow where would you spend it.
If you were asked before gaining admission to heaven why you should be left in what would you say?
If your response had in it: I tried, I always, you would be very disappointed. Only believing that Christ died for your sins, asking forgiveness of them, and asking him in your heart will make you acceptable in the eyes of God.

Answer 7

Some people are being so harsh.. I am Catholic and my boyfriend is Jewish- his sister is married to a good friend of mine, also Catholic. I have seen 3 close couple-friends of mixed faith get married, and it always seems that people (that had NO problem with differing religion beforehand) sometimes freak out right before a wedding! It is the stress of combining two different kinds of ceremonies, not having the wedding maybe their family had dreamed of, nagging from relatives, etc., etc. However, after talking about it together ALL of them are just fine!

Answer 8

I would go talk to a Christian pastor about this ASAP! Here's what Gods Word (Bible) says:

2 Corinthians 6:13-15
13 Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open.
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Answer 9

Interfaith marriages are difficult but not necessarily impossible. There must be a certain amount of give and take in the relationship, especially with regard to faith matters. Faith is one of many essential components of compatibility and sometimes you have to make yourself compatible. With regard to your partner - communicate with her and LISTEN to her. Is it really the religious differences? Or is it something else? Talk, talk, and talk some more!

For more hints watch Big Fat Greek Wedding until you understand it!

This is assuming of course that she will still talk to you and you want to go on with the relationship.

+ Peace

Answer 10

As long as you two can keep your religionship strong and respect each other you're marraige will work. If one of you can't do that it's right to put off the wedding. Good luck with that.