Our daughter is seeing a guy who has a record for assualt and stalking..?

Question

Hes been in jail.He has a son { 5yrs old} that he doesn,t see. He never calls her she always has to call him. He talks and writes alot about murderers, were very frightened. What can we do?

Answer 1

Oh My Goodness, this is very serious.

Listen, I'm a Teacher and you need to take this very seriously. This young man is dangerous. My best friend's daughter was in a similar situation last year. She dated a young man who had emotional problems. Her mom forbid her to see him agian--but she didn't listen and continued the realtionship. When she finally did try to dump him--he showed up at her house with a gun. He fired shots, but luckily she was able to run and he missed her.


That young man your daughter is dating could beat her or even try to kill her. Men who've been convcited of stalking are very dangerous and they Do Not Change. If he stalked some other young woman, what makes you think he wont stalk her? Listen, dont think these things only happen on TV and on the news--it can happen to your family. Many young women have been killed by stalkers. This is reality.

You need to contact the state where he was arrested and try to see if he has a parole officer. If so, let his parole officer know that you dont want him to have any contact with your daughter...If he's not on parole, you need to make it clear that TO HIM--that he is not to have contact with your daughter or you will call the police. You should also go to your local police station and ask them what to do.

Your daughter seems immature, and doesnt comprehend at all that she in danger. She may find him exciting and cute. But to be fair--she is in the wrong for calling him. He probably know that he doesnt want to go back to jail--so thats why he doesnt call her. So, she's one stirring the pot of trouble--not him. Talking to her may not do any good--but you and her father need to confront & tell her that she is not to do this. If she doesnt listen, you need to take her cell phone and block his number from your house. If worse comes to worse--take her car keys (assuming she's a minor). Parents need to be firm, put their foot down, and realize that they hold the strings and the power when it comes to their kids. Take away her luxuries until she knows you mean business.

Answer 2

Yuk.

Why would your daughter want to go out with someone with that history? Does she know all these things and still doesnt care?

Sounds like your daughter is of legal age so I'll assume you cant ban her from seeing him. Moreover, if you take a hardline stance on the matter, she might rebel against you and run to him for spite.

How about this: can you get a copy of the guy's conviction and show it to your daughter? If he has been convicted it should be part of the public record, I think. Maybe if your daughter reads exactly what the other girlfriend went through she will open her eyes. That being said, you can also ask a private eye to find the dirt on the previous relationship. It isnt as expensive as you might think.

Have a friend who is a cop? Maybe he can talk some sense into your daughter?

Does your daughter have self-esteem problems? Is that why she tolerates being with a loser?

I had a run in once with an harasser. I had to have that person arrested. Turns out, it wasnt their first arrest. The point being that if they do it once, I bet they would do it again.

Good luck.

Answer 3

What you can Do? If she is under age you lower the boom and absolutely forbid her to have any contact with him. If he comes near her, call the police . How did you find all this out about him, I wonder . He must have told her that and bragged about it . She is in real danger here. How can any women in her right mind go near a guy like that . She will get hurt big time. Move heaven and earth to make her see the light .
Now, if she is older and you no longer have legal jurisdiction over her it's a different ballgame. I am afraid all you can do is hope she sees the light. Personally, I would go one step further no matter what age she is , and I would talk to him one-on-one. Have a witness present . A sister or brother maybe.
Other than that there is not much you can do since he hasn't done anything 'Yet' .
Good Luck and be strong. Don't be intimidated .

Answer 4

That sounds as though it may be a serious matter, but what you should "do" about it isn't clear, given the information you provided. How old is your daughter? What sorts of experiences has she had? How would you characterize your parent/daughter relationship with her? Has she stated a position with respect to what you have described? Are you in the habit of each listening to the other, or of hearing advice, constructive criticism, or the like, without defensiveness?

It could be that her eyes are open, or it may be that your apprehensions are well-founded, but I think you would have to describe more fully the situation before anyone could offer meaningful feedback.

Answer 5

Theres not a lot you can do the more you protest the further away you will push her, just be very careful with her, try to make sure you know where she is as much as you can and be there for her when the relationship falls through. If she is underage then you have more ground to stop this but if she is an adult there isnt much you can do.

Answer 6

TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SHE WANT TO BE WITH A GUY LIKE HIM? I KNOW
YOU DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER, BUT SHE JUST OPENED
UP HER EARS AND HEAR THE THINGS HE IS SAYING. HE
IS NOT JUST SAYING THIS BECAUSE HE WANTS TO TELL
A STORY. HE SAYING THIS BECAUSE WHAT HE IS CRAVING FOR. DOESN'T SHE SEE THAT HIS ASSAULT AND STALKING
IS WORTH STAYING AWAY AND KEEPING HER CHILD AWAY
FROM THIS PERSON. ALL YOU CAN DO IS TELL HER HE IS
NOT ALLOW INTO YOUR HOME, SORRY TO SAY AND DEPENDING ON HER AGE, IF SHE IS OVER THE AGE OF
18 THEN ALL YOU CAN DO IS KEEP HIM AWAY FROM YOUR
HOUSE. YOU PAY THE BILLS, NOT HER. SIT DOWN WITH
HER AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL AND IF SHE STILL
DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HER SON AND HERSELF THEN,
SHE SERIOUSLY NEEDS HELP. HOPEFULLY ONE DAY THE
POLICE PICKS HIM UP ON ONE OF THESE CHARGER'S AND
GIVES HIM ENOUGH TIME FOR HER TO FIND SOMEONE NEW, AND THIS NEW PERSON WILL MAKE HER FORGET
ABOUT HIM FOR GOOD. MOVE AWAY IF YOU HAVE TO
WITH OUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. AND JUST HOPEFULLY SHE
DOESN'T GIVE HIM THE NEW ADDRESS. GOOD LUCK TO
YOUR GRANDSON, DAUGHTER, AND THE REST OF THE
FAMILY.

Answer 7

The more you try to keep her from him, the more she will want to be with him. She has the "Hots for Bad Boy Syndrome". This is a sad and volatile situation, but just keep being patient. She has to find out by her own self and realize the huge mistake she is making, but only by herself. She won't listen to reason because she is infatuated with the guy. How long has this been going on?

Answer 8

See if you can file a protective order and have a talk with your daughter.

Give her statistics on being with violent men. And show her his mugshot and pictures of other violent offenders, then stress that this happened to people who weren't prepared and she is, and ask her why would she take the chance on becoming a future victim. Good Luck Dear!

Answer 9

You need a third party to talk with her. Keep talking and hopefully she will see the guy for who he is before it is too late. But always let her know that you are there for her. Depending on her age, this may be all you can do. Don't forget to pray....God can do things that we find impossible. Take care and God Bless.

Answer 10

Thats scary! Your daughter is not frightened by that? Does she thinks thats normal? Would she let HER daughter date someone who has a record like that? Ask her questions like that and tell her she should be careful and think about the things he does and says.