We met in Oklahoma in February 2000. We were extremely happy until a tradgic automobile accident involving Robert late December 2003. Robert was struck by an elderly woman driving a car. She was apparently driving ( according to the police report ) at a speed of approximately 60 mph down a side street and didn't stop for the stop sign, striking Robert on the driver's side of his work van and plowing him into a telephone pole. Robert suffered a tramatic brain injury, resulting in short and long term memory loss. This injury left him very messed up...he can no longer read sentences with "big" words, he is not able to read his tape measure, add, subtract, multiply, or divide simple or complex math problems. We had so many plans for our future...Plans that have been put on hold indefinately because I have been fighting with our auto insurance to get Robert the help he needs to regain at least a fraction of the beautiful mind he once posessed. He also suffered bodily damage resulting in the loss of 30 percent of his right patella and severe right shoulder damage, both of which he had to under-go major surgery for. I have been working 2 full time jobs and one part time job for almost 2 years just to keep us alive. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and Robert and I share a beautiful 2 year old son together. I bought a computer to help Robert to learn to read better and do the math again so maybe he would be able to return to the work he once loved so much and be happy again. I am a nurse and I work several private home cases. I happened to get off work a little early one evening and decided to swing by our house to give Robert a hug and kiss before my next case and tell him I love him. I got out of my truck and tried to enter the front door, which I found to be locked. I went around to the back door, (which is sliding glass doors,) and stood there outside on the deck, staring through the door in shock at what I was seeing in front of me...Robert wasn't aware I was there...He was on the phone, walking around naked, talking to another woman. I listened to a bit of the conversation and was horrified and shocked by what they were talking about. (you can just imagine by what you guys have obviously shared over the webcam) I opened the door and Robert turned around and took one look at me and turned white as a ghost..I guess the look on my face was enough to make him realize the hurt and humiliation he made me feel. I was working my *** off to keep a $1500.00 a month mortgage paid...not a house in our names mind you...a house that his exwife and him shared at one time and her name was on. I stood by this man through it all, and he has done what to me??? Slandered my personal being, all of which were lies...I have not yet even married him and he says we were divorced a yr. ago...I poured all the love I had into this relationship, and I got my heart ripprd out...Boy, some Thank You, eh? I am a person that needs to know the whole truth about all things, especially when it involves something or someone I love with my total being. You, as a woman, must understand this...So I continued to dig and find out all I didn't know about what my Robert was doing with his time while I was working 20 hours a day...FOR HIM!!! I lost almost 2 years of raising our children and being there for them like a mother is supposed to be. I can't tell you the pain I felt, reading the words he had typed to you, awful degrading things about me, when I am obliviously unaware, going to work EVERYDAY, doing what a devoted woman would do for her family in crisis. I have had only one week off since January 2004. I am tired and drained all the time...missing precious time with my children..for HIM...I feel betrayed and used...as you can imagine. He disconnected my laptop while I was chatting with you about him...He has since constantly been overly apologetic and sickenly loving towards me...But, because of his deceitful behavior and lies, I find myself not able to believe anything he says to me at all anymore. I packed up all of mine and my children's belongings, rented a u-haul and planned on going back to Oklahoma, as far as I could run from this undescribable anguish and emptiness I am feeling, but he filed a court order that I could not leave the state of New Jersey with our son. And I am forced to face daily, the emotions I wanted to run away from...just his presence in the same house with me, thinking of the hurtful words this man spoke of me when all I did was love him was physically painful. He tells me he is so sorry, but he couldn't let the best thing that ever happened to him in his life...(being me, our son, and his step-children.) get away...that's the reason for the court order...not to hurt me anymore...wants to rectify the damage and hurt he has inflicted upon me...I have been trying so hard to hold myself together...But, how can one forgive or forget a cut so deep? What's your input on this one? Think I should let him "redeem" himself?
2007-01-02 05:45:56 · 13 answers · asked by stuckinarut_again 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He can't redeem himself. He's a thankless coward. Let him take care of himself you are not obligated. Just take care of yourself and the children. He's only being apologetic because your his meal ticket. If I was you...I would kick his tail to the curb and wash my hands of him. The only connection you should have is what is best for your child. Good Luck...
2007-01-02 05:58:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. After all that, here's my take on it.
First, as other's have said, you need to both seek professional counseling if you want to make it work.
Second, realize that it takes two to tango. There is no "sinner" and "saint" in a situation like this. There are issues here that you too are a part of or he wouldn't be seeking this outside the marriage.
The fact is, you both have had some pretty stressful occurrences in your lives over the past couple of years, and in that time I'm sure your love life hasn't been what it once was, and you working all the time I'm sure has had an effect on that since after all that the last thing you want to do when you get home is have sex. And I'm sure his physical injuries have left some "problems" from injury, medications, etc.
So if you both want it to work, and you can get over yourself and your hurt long enough to find-out with him exactly how you got from happy to this disaster, you will find your answer on what happened and what you need to work on as a couple to make your relationship work.
Try the "5 Whys". Why did this situation happen? Okay, what made that situation happen that made the first situation happen?... and so on until you've asked yourself 5 times. That will help you get to the root of the problem. You're trying to find the first domino that was tipped-over.
When you find that, then you can decide if it is something that can be fixed between you.
Remember though, you aren't without fault in what happened, although you'd like to believe you're not. You both contributed to this situation.
Good luck.
2007-01-02 08:22:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG. You are an amazing woman with a very strong will. I read through your issue and I am still trying to pick my jaw up off the ground. I do NOT think you should allow him to redeem himself. He has used you and betrayed you in a way that no one ever should. I would NOT be giving any second chances. As far as you being stuck in New Jersey... well, I say you just pick up the pieces, get a place of your own, and instead of worrying about taking care of him, worry about taking care of you and your wonderful children. There is a man out there that you will meet and will appreciate you for the beautiful person that you are. I wouldn't allow myself to get s*** on by him again.
GOOD LUCK.
2007-01-02 05:53:21 · answer #3 · answered by cams1mommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yours is a really long question that although long, leaves a lot of questions unanswered. Does all of this mean that he was faking his condition(s) or is he truly damaged from the accident? Is he playing you so that he can stay at home while you slave on his behalf?
Gosh, I don't know what to write to you, but I feel strongly that I should write something here. I am absolutely shocked that this man has done this to you. I don't think there is anyway for him to "redeem" himself and hope that you will find happiness when you set up house in OK.
Good luck.
2007-01-02 05:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by CyndiDrum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is healthy enough for that, he is healthy enough to work.
1. move out with all of your kids. He is only a burden to you anyway.
2. stop paying any of his bills. what does it benefit you to do so?
3. I don't think you should let him redeem himself. (i am a guy), because you should never forget, and this one is just tooo hard to forgive.
4. I am not sure what you can do about having the kid together. He is always gonna be in your life because of that.
5. maybe after some time apart, you can forgive, but i don't think anyone would hold it against you if you didn't.
6. speak to a divorce lawyer. They can advise you whether or not you have any rights.
2007-01-02 05:55:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never seen any gum with gelatin in it. But if it does, neither vegetarians not vegans could eat it. Think about it, not only are you giving money to the companies, but your also swallowing most of the stuff in your gum through your saliva anyway.
2016-05-23 06:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two both need counseling. Sorry for the "simple" answer, but there is no way you're going to get what you need from Yahoo Answer if you want to make it work. Otherwise, dump him and don't look back. You probably can do better... but you still probably need the counseling.
2007-01-02 05:49:21 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
leave him
not worth it
the court order could easily go away if they knew why you were taking your children .
and also he is mentally unstable to take care of children.
2007-01-02 06:59:14 · answer #8 · answered by citygirl18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is capable of work now, since he was caught holding his goodies.
2007-01-02 06:12:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. You are a great girl, he is a pc of sh*t half a man. You can do better.
2007-01-02 05:54:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋