Me and my daughter's father were once in a relationship...then I got pregnant and he changed and wanted to get rid of the baby. Then she was born and things changed...He became a better person. He stop drinking and started coming to church but the problem is I think I love him more than he loves me and the stuff he say to me is hurtful sometimes. He said that we can forget about the past and more on but he hasn't and still say that I con him into having the baby. What should I do?
2007-01-02 05:06:55 · 22 answers · asked by kfoxy55 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Keep your legs closed until you're with a guy who's man enough to take care of his responsibilities.
2007-01-02 05:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by Trollbuster 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His initial reaction to get rid of the baby was very insensitive, but also very expected. He was most likely shocked, and scared. He sounds like an immature person who reacted to his fear with anger. But the good thing is, he wanted to be a father when the baby came. And you have the right to be resentful of his initial disapproval of the child - but only to a point. You should be grateful that he wants to do what's right for the baby now.
All that said, whether or not you should be in a relationship with him is an entirely different situation. I would look at it this way - if you love each other, and together can provide a loving, enriching family life for your daughter, then stay together. At this point you have to consider not only what you want, but what is best for the upbringing of your child. If ya'll fight all the time, despite how much you love each other, then this is probably not a good relationship to raise a child in...
It's a tough call, and only you can really know what to do.
2007-01-02 05:36:53 · answer #2 · answered by smellyfoot ™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no straight answer to this question. The fact that he has changed and somewhat matured, is a plus for you both. However, if he still insists that you 'conned' him into having the baby means that he has not fully accepted you and the baby.He needs to overcome this thought in order to truely love you both.
For him to believe that you are capable of such means he has a low opinion of your ethical values. Maybe all this can change in time, because he has shown the ability to change, but you need to put a limit on the time he takes to do this. Sit and speak to him, let him know that you love him and want to build a family but need to be secure with him.
No two love is the same, someone will always love the other more. Just don't let him take advantage of that love. Loving someone should not be a weakness but rather a strength. Good luck.
2007-01-02 05:25:50 · answer #3 · answered by stacy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time apart! This will allow you both time to realize what you really want. And maybe time apart will show him that he really does want to be around for you and your daughter. He is probably taking you for granted right now. Show him that you won't allow him to treat you that way. Maybe even try some counseling. It seems that you both have some residual emotions from the time you were together previously. This needs to be delt with in order for the two of you to be able to move on and start over.
Sorry, but it generally isn't as easy as sayign "start from a clean slate" because the past will always be there in the back of your mind, if it isn't dealt with properly.
If you feel he and your daughter are worth the work to make it work, then try this!
2007-01-02 05:29:19 · answer #4 · answered by jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, having been in your situation I would say he is not going to change and you can not change him. Verbal abuse and hurtful comments will eventually drive a wedge between you. Anyone can go to church but if he were living it he would not be saying hurtful things to you. There are scriptures to back this up. I am not God nor do I proclaim to be so I would suggest speaking with your pastor and possibly some counseling with him if you want this to work for all of you and not just for the baby as we both know it never works that way. Wish you lots of luck sweetie!!!
2007-01-02 05:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by craftylady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave that situation just the way it is.....just because you have a child together doesn't mean that you have to be together. He changed for the baby not for you, don't mistake it. If he's still hurting your feelings, why are you giving thought to give him more access to your feelings? You need to set your sights higher and stop allowing yourself to be used as a doormat....."he wanted me to get rid of the baby"...."he says that I conned him into having the baby"...."the stuff he say to me is hurtful".....come on now, be a woman and a mother.....start thinking........
2007-01-02 05:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move real slowly on this one. He sounds like he's still got a lot of growing up to do. First of all, it appears he doesn't understand basic biology--it takes two to make a baby. If he was deadset against a pregnancy, did he use a condom? I doubt it. That's one reason I'm glad that they are developing a male birth control pill. There will be one less reason for guys to whine about how a girl got pregnant--"all on her own."
2007-01-02 05:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by silverside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are attending church together...did you ever think of seeking couseling there? It sounds like he is trying to change, but some things are just hard to face up to and/or let go of. An outsiders perspective (since he is already turning to the Lord) at church might be very positive for your relationship.
2007-01-02 05:10:05 · answer #8 · answered by melissa6119 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey u, it's Baby (HE WON'T COMMIT!!!). What you deserve is a relationship filled with love and support. You are clearly not getting neither. We need to set our standards higher in life and start putting ourselves first. Don't be with this man because of your child. Your child needs a happy and healthy mommie. If you love him and want a life with him, try counseling. Sometimes it does work. Working hard at something you want really bad will help you appreciate more what you get back in return. Please note - I am taking my own advise.
2007-01-03 06:49:37 · answer #9 · answered by Baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to go with your feelings. A baby is not a reason to be in a relationship. If that is the only reason you want to be in the relationship, then the answer is no. Follow your heart.
2007-01-02 05:09:53 · answer #10 · answered by williamcoulson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he is your baby's father doesn't mean you owe him any more than you would a stranger on the street. If you're insecure about how much he loves you, wait until you find someone who will clearly express how he feels about your and your baby, it will be worth it.
2007-01-03 03:39:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋