30 year old's crisis? What should I do?

Question

Any other 30 year olds or older have this happen? I'll be 30 years old pretty soon. When I was a little younger, i.e. college and high school, I always figured once I got out of college I'd find a career, beautiful wife, etc, and start establishing myself. This hasn't all worked out as I thought. Since I got out of college I've had 6 jobs in 6 years, and very little in the way of a satisfying love/social life. I can't seem to figure out what to do or what direction to take. Many of my friends, acquaintances and relatives seem to be getting financially settled, etc, and it's really stressing me that I'm not. I've heard of a mid-life crisis, but this seems WAY early for that. What did you do if you had this problem? Advice?

Answer 1

Many of us go through the same thing. It helped me to think of our 20's as the 3rd and final stage of our growth and around the age of 30 we start to settle into the person we are truly meant to be and we reach full maturity. A lot of us set goals for ourselves by the age of 30, based upon the experience and time table of a teenager. It is easy to theorize on what kind of job or what kind of mate we want to have and when it comes right down to it, it's not as easy as all that. There are often certain details that were hidden from us at our previous vantage point, as it were.

My guess is that you are hitting that transition point where you do truly mature in an adult - Congratulations! This is an exciting time and a very meaningful one. Now you get to pull together the sum total of your experience and set off on the path at long last. For those already on their path it can be an easy rewarding time - for those unclear or unwilling to progress it can be a very frustrating time.

The first thing to do is not to get stressed out. Things could change in a day - when I was at this point I met my husband and we were engaged in 2 weeks and married 6 months later. I am not saying that will happen to you, but I am saying that Anything Can Happen.

Second - take some time and write down exactly what it is you do want. Detail what you are looking for in a job. Detail what you are looking for in a mate - that's what I did, and I told the universe I wouldn't settle for less. They sent me a few guys that I could quickly see where not right - and if I had allowed myself to be stressed out about it, I would have jumped at them as possible answers. Instead I said "No, sorry. You don't meet my requirements" and didn't look back. Within about 6 weeks I found my husband (or rather he found me) and out of about 50 qualities I put on that list I am only missing about 2 or 3.

More than doers, we are deciders and once the decision is made the doing becomes effortless. Carefully choose your goal and then just maintain your aim. Best of luck to you!

Peace!

Answer 2

Try to focus on one thing at a time. First of all focus on your career. Is it what you really want? How can you make it work better? Why are you not staying in one place? After you get things settled then you can find the wife and all that. You are far too young for a mid-life crisis. When i was about 25 i thought "is this all there is ". Maybe this happens to everyone somewhere between 25 and 30. We are starting to grow up then and examine our life and where it is taking us. Even if everything was perfect you may feel this way. I hope that you began to see a better change in your life-be patient with yourself. Work hard and enjoy life as well.

Answer 3

First of all, relax. I'm in my late 30's and the same thing happened to me. This is a "crisis" that used to happen to people in their 20's, but times have changed and it seems to happen a little later. At this point, your greatest concern should probably be your finances. My best advice there is to make sure your credit is always great! It will pay off in spades down the road. Start working on your retirement now. You'll be ever thankful you did as much as possible before you had children!

Don't worry about your love life. That will come along exactly when it is supposed to. Keep dating. I would be more concerned with finding a career that was satisfying enough to stick with.

You're getting yourself too worked up over normal life experiences. Sit back and enjoy yourself! It will all come together! Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Relax. This will pass. I don't think there is an age assigned to this crisis. But I do remember being 14 and thinking that I would probably die after 22 because what was the point? And there was no WAY I'd live to be 30 because that was ANCIENT. lol. I'm 32. There was no way I could know when I graduated from college that I would be where I am now and if you asked me then I would have given a very different answer. If what you're doing isn't working for you then step back and figure out why. That is why these moments happen and are important. They make us look at our life again, re- evaluate what is important and re-prioritize our lives.

Answer 5

As someone who went through a quarterlife crisis not too long ago, my best advice to you would be to try not to compare yourself to your peers (as it will only get you down) and to combat feelings of overwhelmingness by approaching things one step at a time. Also, don't get too discouraged if all the chips don't immediately (or ever) fall into place. You may find a steady job, but not have the social- or love-life that you wanted (or vice versa). You can always work on the areas in which you feel need improvement, but that doesn't guarantee that everything will work out as you had hoped. That's life for you.

Setting realistic goals is also important. I'm not saying that finding a fulfilling career and beautiful wife aren't obtainable goals, but don't get too stressed out over making every aspect of your life perfect and don't get too discouraged if all of your dreams and aspirations don't manifest.

Since you're still in your 20s, I recommend the forums at quarterlifecrisis.com. I posted there last year and the members over there would probably help you out better than I could.

Good luck!

Answer 6

OMG, I knew I wasn't the only one. Though our situations are different, there are definitely some similarities. So this is my advice to you, my friend. While you are waiting to blessed with this beautiful wife, go ahead and prepare yourself for her. After all, you want to be able to offer something to her, right. This is not your midlife crisis, this is reality setting in. But the good thing is, you have time on your side. Don't put so much stock into what you don't have. Think about what you do have and how you can get more. Since you're not married and are childless, invest this time into yourself and your future. Stay as healthy as you can mentally, physically and financially. This could be a wonderful time in your life. Pay your bills on time, go ahead and get rid of any debt that you have. You could even go and get a part time job right now. It wouldn't hurt you at all and that extra income would be beneficial. Remember, what is for you is for you. When it's time for you to have it you will, but you don't have to just sit back and wait for it. You need to stop worrying and start living. I wish you so much luck in life!!!

Answer 7

Step back and take a look at the jobs you've had, why they ended, and what responsibility's for the way your life has been is yours. Being pro-active is a good practice to accomplish goals. Definitly focus on having financial security, put savings away for future investments. You should enjoy your work or you won't do a very good job of it. And possibly seek spiritual self. Prayer is very beneficial. What you believe is what will be. If you constantly worry about issues then those issues will keep themselves up front. If you give off negetive vibes with your own thoughts it rubs off on those around you and either causes negetive effects for their thoughts and the flow of vibes strengthens if you don't pay attention to your moods. How you feel as you go through your days is what will surround you as you go. There are counselors that are free, usually thru churches or county health clinic's. Talk to your family and friends. If you desire certain things then think about them and set goals. And yes, relationships will come thru prayer and patience. Simplify your life and take care of what's really important. Your happiness.

Answer 8

Stay aware and take things one moment at a time.

Truly, happiness comes from within. Many of us are not happy people, because we all were hurt/harm by something at some time and have unfulfilled wishes for the future.

Being trapped in that kind of thinking, we are never happy and never satisfied. So, why not take it one moment at time. Like a making a colorful patched quilt, one at a time.

At the end, we might just be totally in love with what we have.

Answer 9

Only YOU can make your own way. You can't expect a career and love life to make you happy. YOU have to be happy on the inside first. Other people can only enhance the happiness you already have. When you are looking for another person to make you happy, it never works out.

Find out what YOU want in a career and work for it. It isn't going to just happen. And when you stop looking for love, it almost always shows up in the most unexpected places.

Answer 10

Not everything works out as ideally as you may like. If finding a woman is important to you then maybe try a different place to meet them, and try different approaches then you have been. As far as the job is concerned, are you doing what you want to do now? If not, actively persue your career goals while you are still young and keep your goals in sight. You are looking at the big picture and that is good. Now, step back a little and find out what steps you need to take to get to that picture that you want. Now take the smaller goals and get to work. Good luck