Is it unfair to get a sitter when I have a fourteen year old son?

Question

My son is fourteen and I have four younger kids who are 12,5,3 and 1. My husband and I go out every Friday night for a meal and a few drinks and we are usually home by 12.30 at the latest. We always ask our neighbour's daughter(and sometimes her boyfriend very nice also) to sit for us.She is 16 and very good with the kids.Now that my son is 14 he says he doesn't need a sitter but I dont trust him with all four of the younger kids, and I think it is too much of a responsibility for him.I also like him to be in bed by 10.30 at the weekends as he plays sport on a Saturday morning. I can't tell him this as I don't want him to feel like I'm treating him as a kid. He is just not responsible enough the sitter even tells me that she always has to tell him to go to bed that he would never go of his own accord. I know it is embarrassing for him but what else can I do, I gove him responsilbility in other areas, but am I wrong to undermine his ability to sit for his younger siblings?

Answer 1

I would go at it another way. First, I would praise my son for the accomplishment(s) he has achieved. I would remind him of ALL the "steps" it takes to look after the "family". I would make him an "offer" he "can't refuse". Offer him this: One night, (other then your Friday night date with your husband), but a night like Sunday. A night when most of the children have to be in bed at a certain time, have their clothes ready for school in the morning, make their lunch,have ALL homework assignments completed. Sunday is a very Good Test Run. Give him an incentive, like $5 or $10 bucks if he does it all! Sit him down and make him write out a list of ALL the Duties he will need to perform for Babysitting! Don't be easy on him! Make it a "bath night" also. Don't forget he has to clean the bathroom when finished. Just like your "paid" sitter does (i hope). Set a Mark for this list and a score he must achieve to take over the job from your neighbour. Don't make it easy and don't help him. Some lessons in life require "trying out" first to know the reason why. Give him a try. Good luck, and I just bet it is great in your house durin the holidays, I was raised in a "big" family, and to this day, those memories sustain me. Happy New Year and I hope I have helped you out.

Answer 2

You might as well tell him this. He already knows you are treating him like a kid. I have a 14 year old and a 10 year old, and I wouldn't hire a sitter for the 14 year old. If you don't trust your son, then you should just tell him that you don't think that he's responsible enough to handle all four kids. I don't know your son, but I would think that between the 14 and 12 year old, you should be able to leave the kids without a sitter.

Answer 3

He's not ready for it. You are completely right. Even if he were behaving in a more responsible manner for the sitter, the younger siblings will not have the respect for him that they would have for a sitter who may even be the same age as your oldest son-Kids don't respect their siblings, and it would most likely be utter chaos. not to mention, you have some pretty young kids, 3 and 1? They need a lot of attention that most 14 year olds aren't capable of giving. If you only had 1 or 2 more kids it would be one thing, but for him to be in charge of 4 is in my opinion, out of the question. He may not like it, but keep with the sitter, you can't always please your kids and you need to just do whats best for them so keep it up!

Answer 4

Maybe tell him you have the sitter just for the 3 year old and the 1 year old and ask him to be in charge of the older 2 kids. This would give him some responsibility but give you peace of mind that someone else is there to help him out if it gets to be too much for him to handle.

Answer 5

I would get a sitter for the younger ones still if you don't feel that he is responsible enough. Has he stayed home by himself before? Tell him that on Friday's he can go to a friends house so he's not there with the sitter or tell him that the babysitter is there for the younger ones and its a trial period for him. If he does what he's suppose to on his own maybe in six monthes he can start to babysit. Or tell him he can stay in his room and watch tv or your room if either of them have tvs after dinner until bed so he isn't being watched over by the babysitter.

Answer 6

See if he can go to a friend's house on friday nights so that he will not have to be there when the sitter is there. It will be less humiliating for him and easier for the sitter. It is a lot harder for a sibling to control a sibling than it is for a babysitter. I would let my 14 year old go to a sleepover at a friend's house or have a friend over and just tell him that the babysitter is not here for him, but there for the babies so that he can just relax and play videogames and not have to worry about getting his brothers and sisters to behave.

Answer 7

I would just explain to him that the babysitter isn't for him. It doesn't sound like he's asking to be put in charge of the younger kids, but if he is maybe you should see about taking off for a little bit (do some grocery shopping or something) and leaving him in charge. Make sure it will be long enough that he will need to change at least 1 diaper. If he can handle the responsiblity and the younger children listen to him why not let him be in charge when you and your husband go out?

Answer 8

I think a sitter is a good idea. If he's immature and won't go to bed without being told, he's not ready to sit for his younger siblings without supervision. If its an hour or two, I'd let him. But late at night like that, I'd get the 16 yr. old to come over. His embarassment is less important than all their safety.

Answer 9

If going to bed on time is your only worry then he just might be ready to stay home without a sitter. It is normal for teens to not want to go to bed early. I believe that 14 is old enough to handle the responsibility of not having a sitter but if your gut feeling is to use one then perhaps you should stick with it. Your first mind is often your "right mind."

Answer 10

I think he has to earn the trust to babysit. Let him know if he goes to bed on time with a sitter or on his own without her asking, that you would consider letting him babysit. I would also explain that since he has sports that he needs to get in bed by 10:30.

If you decide to let him try sitting, come home early the first night to see if he is in bed. I think teens want responsibility but need to prove they can handle it. I began babysitting at 14 so maybe it is time you communicate your feeling and let him make the decision, if he really wants to be the babysitter he will show that he can go to bed on time.