Is it bad if we don't eat together at dinnertime?

Question

My son is a very difficult and picky eater, on top of being Autistic. He eats well either in front of the tv or computer. My hubby likes eating in front of the tv too. I have tried to have us all sit together but my hubby starts getting irritated with my son for not eating and my son looks depressed and it just turns into a stressful mess. Our son eats well at restaurants with us believe it or not, so that is never an issue but just not at home. It all seems fine to me but when I tell people that we don't eat at the table together, they seem surprised. Your thoughts.....

by the way, I don't mean to paint my husband as a bad dad, he's excellent. He just wants ours son to eat.

Answer 1

most people will be surprised at how difficult it is too have an autistic child. most people haven't a clue what that is really like how much more effort is put into caring for this child.
i hope you see my point . your in a situation that is so different from what normal is that understanding your day is something only a small % of the people understand. don't blame them for not understanding just accept that for whatever reason God has made this life's of your family seem quite different.

Answer 2

Yes it is BAD..
Its a known fact that its a nice way to communicate in the family at the dinner table!
More than thinking about ur husband think of ur son....he'll stay away from the family,he wont get a chance to talk,he will also become a shy person to talk at dinner tables...and most of all between his friends if the talk arrises he will feel the neglection of the parents!
If he's eating well at restaurants then the reason also could be the difference in food....it would be advisable for u to learn some new recipies which he likes at restaurants.
Hope this helps!

Answer 3

That's a tricky question. My immediate response is that eating together as a family is important and for me it's something I would certainly want to do were I to have children - it's something I grew up with and something I vaue.

At the same time, however, the key word is "family" and if your husband doesn't value that particular way of being together as a family, then maybe you should just be happy to let things be. As you say, your family eats well when you go out to restaurants and it sounds as though you're lucky enough to have a loving family, so I would go with what feels right to you.

At the end of the day what we value about eating together at dinnertime is that it's an opportunity to bond as a family - but it's just one way of doing that - I would ignore what other people think on this particular topic and do what's right for you and your family.

Good luck and best wishes for 2007.

Answer 4

While eating at the table is a time for some families to relate and come together for others its a time of stress. Bottom line every family is different. Dont let others make you feel unhappy about your families habits! As long as your happy and your family is happy there is nothing to worry about!!!!

If you are feeling as if your family isnt close enough dont force something like eating together if its going to push you further apart, instead try to schedule something that both your son and husband would like to do. Even something simple like a family movie night or possibly a family game night might do the trick.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 5

I have made that my News Years Resolution.
Last Sept we remodeled our dining room & the children got used to eattng in front of the TV my husband works late some nights so he watches TV w/the children & eats. The week before Christmas I stated I didn't know why we fixed up a room we didn't use.
I made up my mind to change it.
I put the pets outside,turn off the TV get my 7yr old son to wash up & set the table. (I've place everything on the end of the counter in easy reach) My 15 yr old daughter gets off the computer & it's her responsibiity to fix the glasses & put the food on the table. When we sit down together I feel more relaxed & we each listen to each other.

I would suggest maybe letting your son eat before your dinner time in front of the TV,if that works best for him. Then you & your Husband can have a relaxing dinner. Have you thought about what make a resturant easier for your son to eat at then at home ?
Does your son like to wear headsets to listen to music or books? (my friend Autistic grandson does this) he eats at the table & rides in the car with them because that is stressful for him. Most men like to eat in front of the TV. Make a comprimise & do it on Friday Nights with a movie for the whole family. Best of Luck & HAPPY NEW YEAR

Answer 6

this is just my opinion, maybe your son senses your husbands irritability and it depresses him. thinking its all his fault and that he is a problem. now mind you, now a days, hardly ANYONE eats at the table together anymore. in my house, we don't, we all eat in front of the TV or what not, hardly at a table at all, and we all eat at different times. so your situation isn't the only one. and unfortunately, this is why, to me, that people are so disconnected these days and how no one knows how to communicate, there is none at home. and there is no sense of family. the dinner table is suppose , to me, be a place to get together as a family and talk about the days events. nothing stressful as if you get stresses when you eat, it doesn't cause anything but havoc in more ways then one, first your digestion and second there is bound to be a fight in the mist. it is sad that today's families don't. i tried so many times to get us all to eat together, but it never works. now that you mention, i will just have to try again. i wish you well.

Answer 7

If eating together only brings more friction and stress, then what on earth would be the point of the exercise?

Political correctness never ever takes into consideration individual family's needs and circumstances, nor does it allow for a possibility that a family life, including the dinner-times, will change according to jobs people do, different age of the children, and - God forbid! - personal preferences.

My ex-husband used to work shifts, so he could only eat with us one week out of three, and even then I would often feed our children, who were little, before the two of us sat down to eat later on in the evening - and in peace.
After he moved out (which had nothing to do with our meal-time routine, I assure you!:), I liked sitting down to eat with the boys, who were big enough by then to appreciate a little chat whilst eating (plus, they were not chucking their food all over the floor, and getting up to all sorts of other antics they used to be very fond of, but I REALLY wasn't).
At the moment the three of us are sitting down in front of TV, because we somehow took up to watching one episode of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' per meal. I can almost see the PC-brigade chocking on their organically-grown fair-trade
certified-sustainable celery sticks as they read this, but I couldn't care less, because we do not only love each other - we are also having FUN.

Answer 8

Of course it's not "bad". On the other hand, it is or would be nice if that weren't the case, but it is your reality. Don't stress over that fact.

You could try cooking the things that your son likes to eat...and have the meals in a room where the TV is. I like to eat while I watch TV or compute, too. In fact, that's the only time I watch TV.

Oh, and your husband is an ******!

Answer 9

A few thoughts:
1. Don't force them if it makes no good.
2. Eating isn't the most important thing in life you know, and there are other ways you could feel yourselves a family, a team (yes, like going out together).
3. No need to tell people everything as it really is.

Answer 10

No it is not bad. If allowing your son to eat in front of the TV is less stressful and he eats well it is fine. Sounds like it is a good thing for all.