I seem to fail and fail?

Question

I made a resolution not to call my ex boyfriend ever again. Within two days into the new year, it is proving to be too difficult. We broke up years ago. All this long i was hoping he'll reconsider and come back, now i realise its never going to happen. I'm trying so hard to keep the distance between us but i'm failing. I go out with friends, try and date someone else, play sports, you name it... but when its time to sleep i find my self dialling his number, what do i do

Yes, he answers. We have general talk, which is not what i want therefore hurts me

Answer 1

Sammy, you're dealing with something alot of us are experience as well, called love! You didn't state why you guys broke up or if he broke it off with you or vice-versa, but you need to evaluate why you guys aren't together and also what your motives are for calling him after the break up! You need to be strong and brave dealing with these emotions and issues! You do well to hang out with your true friends and trying to keep yourself busy, but you also need to do some talking with someone you trust and can confide in, like a best friend or relative. Understand that he is gone and broke up with you, and why! Keep in mind that if he loved you, he would be calling you and not the other way! From what I read and can go by, he's not worth it and you have someone waiting to meet you out there! Please, get a hold of this before it becomes an obsession with bad consequences! Good luck! You deserve better! Stick to your NYR and it will change your outlook and glum feeling!

Answer 2

Delete his number from everything, tear it out of your address book and when you feel like talking call & leave yourself a voicemail. Put any & all pictures in a box in the back of a closet or in the trash.

Keep going out with friends, get them to fix you up with more people. Keep up the the sports & hobbies. Go to Museums, Libraries, Hiking, whatever. There's a big world out there with other people in it - go on an Adventure, do something outside your norm, don't just play the field - make it bigger, better and see where it can take you.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You need to stop calling him full stop. Each time you call again you are keeping the pattern which you need to break. You need to cut all ties. Its so hard to move on, but you probably just havent met the right person to replace him yet. Go out with friends, try new activities, make new friends - take yourself from your old life and begin making parts of a new one. A life where he has never been part of & knows of knowone in it will stop memories flooding back or the temptation to call. One day somebody new will arrive, and when they do give them a chance. It takes time to build something special but once you have it will replace what you lost.

Answer 4

Goodness this is a hard one. I had a somewhat similar situation, but my ex basically told me to stop calling him, and he thinks I'm psycho now. It hurts to know that he didn't bother to understand that it took (is taking) me longer to get over things than he did.

I was going to suggest getting out and doing things, but like you said, you are already doing it. The only thing I can think of is sheer willpower. Make an agreement with yourself that every time you call him, you have to deny yourself something you love and enjoy (ice cream, an hour of t.v., whatever).

You have to start doing it for yourself and stop torturing yourself. When you realize that calling him does more harm than good to you, and realize that you deserve better than that kind of self-mistreatment, you will let the willpower take over.

You are on the right track though. You want to stop, and that will lead to doing what you need to do to change your behavior. Just keep giving yourself pep talks and finding the willpower to stop this self-harming behavior.

A chat with a counselor never hurts either. :)

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

It seems that you have a problem with returning to past issues. I would move on. At the point where you fail and fail in relationships, is the best time to abort your current mode of relationships and change things completely. You must back away from relationships in general and look inside yourself...look at your own fewlings towards committment, isolation and the fututre. Also, look at the current wrongs and find ways to make them right in the future. You must give up your own way of doing things, as they have not worked out, and change them so that you can change your future.

Answer 6

You really need to feel better about yourself. This guy has moved on and you need to also. The longer you try to hang on to him the more your life will be disrupted by him. We can't change the past we can only look to the future. If it was meant to be he'll be back when it's time. For now, give all this love you have for him to someone who truely deserves it.

Answer 7

Discipline. You have to cut yourself off from all contact. I mean, YOU BROKE UP YEARS AGO!!!! Time to get over him and move on. If he wanted to be with you again, he would. Also, if you're still having sex with the guy, of course you're going to keep having feelings and he'll keep coming over because he knows he can get some.

Answer 8

try and fix a time to chat with him if he is not dating someone else and pour out your heart. ask for permission and leave after telling him anything and everything about how you feel for him. if he doesnt call you back as you leave then forget him and delete all means of getting into contact with him.
but if he is dating, then just back off and relax for the next guy that finds something good in you.

Answer 9

Stop being so pathetic, if you really wanted to move on you would do. There is no one making you see him from what you've said, so the fact that you keep calling him is because you haven't given up on him yet, despite the fact that it's been years.
Just stop it.

Answer 10

I know it's hard and I think you are doing a good job - remember why you broke up in the first place and what you didn't like about him. Keep trying.