forgiveness?

Question

it's harder than it sounds. i'm still struggling to after about 3 1/2 years after a certain event.

but i really want to do it to make myself feel better.

how to let go of anger and forgive?

do you just... do it?

Answer 1

Here is a Story:
It just had happened to me recently that I was touched by forgiveness, not by someone to me, or even me to someone else, but I to myself.

I accidentally had caused great injury to our beloved pet, Bruce, where he had lost the tip of his tail down to the bone in our entry door. I felt terribly sorry and even for a second denied it. Instead of staying there, I instantly forgave myself and moved ahead by taking him in for surgery and help.

I am comforted to know that forgiveness is given and asked for wherever we look, and we see it everyday in the papers and on the news. People believe in forgiveness.

All the prophets of God give us divine instruction on forgiveness. Jesus Christ taught his disciples the Lord's Prayer, wherein it says "and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." He commands us to return good for evil, so if a man is struck by another and if he pardons and forgives him, if he acts in a manner contrary to that which has been used toward him, this is praiseworthy. He has shown the greatest mercy and is worthy of admiration.

The Prophet Muhammad in the Qur'an also gives us instruction on forgiveness. "To those who do wrong out of ignorance, then repeat and correct themselves, your Lord is indeed forgiving and kind."

In the Baha'i Faith we are given more explicit divine instruction on living. "There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if ye look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness."

In another Baha'i writing it says: "Act in such a way that your heart may be free from hatred. Let not your heart be offended with anyone. If someone commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him."

So what does "forgive" really mean? Its definition is "to cease to feel resentful." We are asked to do it instantly and not during a period of years; for some of us that can take great effort and courage.

One of the special infinite gifts of this dispensation is that children can intercede on behalf of their parents. Parents endure great trouble and hardship for their children and rarely does it happen that they see the reward of their care before they pass on to the other world. Therefore, in return for this care, we are asked to show charity and kindness, and ask for pardon and forgiveness for our parents. As here, and likewise in the other world, their existence is capable of making progress through our prayers.

Love, unity, forgiveness and a "sin-covering eye" govern the relationship of God's creatures one to another. Once we grasp this we will get along much better and lead much happier lives because of it.

Mary Bratz is secretary of the Baha'is of Portage County.

I hope its helpful.

http://www.bahai.us/node/91
http://www.bahai.us/
http://www.bahai.com/welcome.htm

Healing takes time, its much easier to forgive than forget, and I personally think you have forgiven but are finding it hard to move on and forget, in the Bahai Faith we have prayers for detachment, try saying a few of these prayers, it helps me , and even just reading and saying the words makes me realize what my part is in this whole thing,

Loving Bahai Greetings,
Meg

Answer 2

How does one forgive...? A very tough question, and a very good one. I as a Buddhist have considered this very question and can give you the benefit of my humble opinion if you wish...

Forgiveness is an action, something which is done, just as anger or compassion is an action. Our actions have consequence...this is from a Buddhist perspective you understand..forgive me if I sound cold or trite....

All our actions take thought and deed. To act properly we must think carefully and consider the consequence or consequences. Forgiveness has but one consequence, happiness for both the forgiver and the forgivee if you will...and this will take some measure of courage, effort and mindfulness, but it will definitely require action on your part. The things to keep in mind in your decision are, realise that it will have positive consequence for both parties, realise that there may not be a reciprocal response from the other party...the whole purpose of this action is that there actually be nothing in it for ourselves...for this intent will have negative consequence...do you follow me..?And finally remember that when you forgive..it is permanent...there is no such thing as a semi forgiveness ...it must be fully intended or there will be none in reality.

To this end therefore I advise you to consider the other person only not yourself...forgive them for their benefit, the resulting consequences can be nothing other than good. This is compassion, this is Love...it is not an easy decision, but I think you'll agree, it is the right one. I'm not by any means saying that you will or should find it easy, on the contrary it is very very difficult and takes considerable effort and concentration.

I apologise if my answer seems harsh or unreasonable please forgive me as well if I've caused offence or pain it is not intended. I only give this answer to explain the decision and its consequence. I am not prejudging your decision as it yours and you're feelings are just as valid and perhaps more worthy than mine. I'm only giving my opinion which in any case is from my heart, flawed as it is.

Peace my friend from a Buddhist ..in the season of joy...

Answer 3

"how to let go of anger and forgive?"

Address the cause. And what do I mean by that? Remember this. No two people will react to the same set of circumstances in exactly the same way. It's "who you are" that creates the result.

You have not shared what the "certain event" is but ask yourself these questions.

Is there anything I can do to change the event?
(Usually nothing.)

What will I gain by holding onto it?
(Most do not look at this question. They do not analyze how holding onto something "gives" them something. Even if that "something" is negative.)

What do I need to do to release the event and move on?
(Sometimes therapy helps. Sometimes just speaking about it to a trusted friend helps. Oft times, looking at the event for what it is, is enough to free yourself of it.)

Is the person(s) involved in this event still a part of my life?
(If they are, it can be very helpful to face them and express how the event impacted you. It might also be helpful to remove yourself from further contact with this person(s).)

Why forgive?
(Most people have no real understanding of how their actions effect another. All they know, at some level, is that they must do what they must do. So in essence, forgiveness is really an act in benefit of the self. Once you forgive and let go, you are able to move on with your life emotionally unencumbered. It frees you.)

Look at the event, do what you need to do to forgive yourself and the people involved, and move on. Free yourself to create the life you want for yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 4

No joking here. It's tough, I've been there. Yep, You just let it go, it's the gift You give Your self when it's finally over. I did it like this, I imagined a huge chain attached to a boat out on a deep lake. The chain was the thing I identified as the offence I wanted to forgive. I let the chain go before it dragged me under the water with it and I watched it sink into the deep. I felt so free after that, I just let go. Whatever works for You, try and just let go. You'll be able to live again. Good luck, it's a new day; every day; eh!!!!

Answer 5

As disciples of Christ, we need to learn to forgive others. Why? Unlike Jesus, we are imperfect—as are those who may sin against us. From time to time, we all stumble in word and in deed. (Romans 3:23; James 3:2) By forgiving others when there is a basis for mercy, we clear the way for our own sins to be forgiven by God. (Mark 11:25) How, then, can we demonstrate a readiness to forgive those who may sin against us? In many cases, love helps us to overlook the minor sins and shortcomings of others. (1 Peter 4:8) When those who have wronged us are sincerely repentant, as Peter was, surely we want to imitate Jesus’ willingness to forgive. Rather than holding a grudge, we wisely choose to let go of resentment. (Ephesians 4:32) By doing so, we contribute to the peace of the congregation as well as to our own peace of mind and heart.—1 Peter 3:11
Www.jw.org

Answer 6

I do not think it is right to forgive someone who has no remorse, or who fails to apologize and request forgiveness. I know at least one major religion assumes it is good, but I do not. I think that has the effect of letting people get away with bad behavior.

However, what you need to do for yourself is to let go of the anger, and replace it with a determination to not be victimized a second time. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

You might also try going to a group or other organization where you can talk about your victimization and what can be done about the villainy. Whether it is rape or robbery or any other form of violent harm, a person needs to know they are safe. Self-defense is one way, but actively working to protect the rights of victims is another.

Answer 7

What I did to forgive (not forget) was to think about the situation. Did I do anything wrong? What did I lose or did I gain something from losing? And finally, I figured it is a waste of my time and energy to let something keep hold of me. Because if they still have a hold on me over a situation then they have "won".

Answer 8

"Fake it until you make it" is a well-known 12-step program saying that might help you a bit. Just wish the best for that person when your thoughts drift to them, no matter what they did to you.

Yes it can be hard but remember, we act 95% on our memories. That individual was as controlled by programming of their memories somehow in the incident that caused you so much harm. Feel sympathy the best you can that that individual. To hurt others means you yourself are really hurting inside too.

Answer 9

Try to remember that forgiveness is as much for the forgiver as it is for the one being forgiven. When you forgive someone, you don't necessarily forget what they've done but you forgive them for doing it. By forgiving someone they no longer have control over your feelings or emotions. It is very freeing to both people.

Answer 10

I love my daughter and she tried to stab me to death in November. It took me a few weeks to get over it and the only way I was able to do that was to forgive her. I didn't charge her with attempted murder. That would have exacerbated everything. However she isn't speaking to me even though I am guiltless regarding the situation.