see...i got engaged to my bf few months back. He kind of resigned fm his job after that...My dad doesn't like him coz he thinks he's worthless(i mean professionally) an to satisfy himself called up at my bf's office to kno wat job he was doin(my folks din kno that he's left his job) and were outraged 2 find out the truth...My dad says he wont marry me to him until he finds a decent job again...while my bf says that i shud be ready to marry him with or without a job an that i shud marry him by the time our marriage was originally fixed by my parents....he says that if i love him unconditionally then i shud marry him with or without my parents consent. He is searching for a job right now... i personally dont want to defy my parents but at the same time he's my life an cant hurt him too. wat shud i do??
2007-01-01 23:39:33 · 23 answers · asked by sonz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
wow thats a tough one. I'm married right now and have been for 4 years. I think you should wait until he has a job. For one, being out of work and looking for a job is stressful. He probably feels extra stressed thinking you will not marry him if he can't support you so he wants to make sure you're married to ease his mind. However, both of you should not have anything else going on in either of you're lives that can cause friction. And sometimes parents see things we don't want to see. If he can find a job and keep it, then by all means marry him. This should be a joyful time and he can wait if he loves you. This is about you after all and your big day. Your soon to be should not make you feel guilty about anything.
2007-01-01 23:53:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation... but I'm leaning toward supporting your parents, as they only want what's best for you. I would tell your b/f that yes, you do love him but he needs to have a good job before you are ready to actually tie the knot. I'm questioning his motives if he quits jobs often or doesn't feel a need to have a good, steady career. The last thing you want and need is to be in love and married to a man who won't work to support you (and himself). The best solution for now is to just give it more time... don't rush into a marriage! Tell your parents to be patient and give him some time to prove he's a good man, and tell your b/f you're giving him more time to find a job, but don't back down on your position... he needs to find a good job and keep it! Good luck!
2007-01-02 07:50:18 · answer #2 · answered by JP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in doubt,listen to your dad.Period.Your dad is your man in your life and has shown you the duties of a man and wants nothing less for his daughter.If this young man wasn't so filled with pride,he'd ask you to postpone the wedding until he was able to work again,if you marry and he's unable to find a job right away or find the type job he thinks he deserves,he may not be so easy to live with and why start the marriage off on so much stress ?Listen to your dad.
2007-01-02 07:48:07 · answer #3 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously your BF is not to bright. The first rule of employment is that you never quit a job until you have another one first. Your parents are right and looking out for your best interests. The number one reason for divorce is finances. You guys are already on a bad path. This is not a way to start a marriage.
2007-01-02 08:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your bf that your parents mean a lot to you and although you love him you cannot sacrifice your family for him.
Go job-hunting together and daw him up a CV, and arrange the wedding for in about 12 months, maybe even book it. If he doesnt have a job by then, he never will. You could always try and get him on some unmployed benefits in the meantime.
Good luck
2007-01-02 07:59:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let your bf talk you into that mess. He's pulling the unconditional card. All love is conditional. Let's not fool ourselves with that one.
Daddy's right on this one. In order for you to have a successful start and a prosperous marriage,your bf needs to have a steady job or income. BECAUSE YOU WILL ARGUE ABOUT IT AT SOME POINT.
And he won't seem like the same man to you while he's lounging on the couch.
There's too many women out here who had good credit and finances until 'ol boy decides to start dipping in your purse. YOU WILL END UP PAYING FOR EVERYTHING AT THIS POINT. THAT'S NOT MANLY.
Wait until he get's on his feet. You will need security.
2007-01-02 08:17:16 · answer #6 · answered by L. F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead with your marraige if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person that is obviously extremely irresponsible. He obviously doesn't care if you're put at loggerheads with your parents and doesn't seem to care how you'll survive, he quit his job when he was intending to marry you. I just hope you think he's worth the sacrifices you'll have to make and what looks like a lot of hardship to follow. And reading between the lines, he looks like a total control freak, as he wants to own you rather than marry you!
2007-01-02 07:50:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are only watching out for you. They must be afraid that your bf is going to bludge (be lazy and let you take care of him) on you, and I don't blame them. If your boyfriend loves you unconditionally, he should be happy to postpone your wedding until he has a job again. Putting you in conflict with your parents is not what a caring life partner would do. Don't get used. Happy New Year!
2007-01-02 07:48:59 · answer #8 · answered by Ripplediane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... firstly i am sorry to hear about yoour plight...
But i think you should wait till your bf gets a new job & then go ahead with the wedding... so dont go against your parents wishes as their consent & blessing is important in a marriage...
Have a talk with both parties together and i m sure you can get a solutions..
Good Luck...
2007-01-02 07:45:24 · answer #9 · answered by Belle 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age I believe that if it is possible both husband and wife should contribute to the marital bank account. Obviously if there are kids etc one parent would need to stay and look after the kids, but it is his responsibility to care and provide for you, don't get yourself into a situation where you are married to a complete waster who sends you out to work 90 hours a week so he can stay home and play games, watch TV and smoke all day.
2007-01-02 09:00:41 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋