Basically even though he went on and on at me to get pregnant, he now has runs and refuses to pay. I know his family want to see the child and that is not a problem. Should he be allowed to see the child (he will definately not pay a penny and he is not on benefits and I will not get anything through the csa, for a good while as he has sold all assets and now living of the proceeds) I think he has shown no commitment to being a father and left my mother to help me out financially. I also have to move to a bigger house and have a larger mortgage. He also refuses to tell me where he lives, so do you men still think I should allow him to see his child at my house (he refuses to go to a contact centre which I suggested). It's not him seeing the baby it is him trying to be controlling and coming to see me when suits him and not telling me where he lives, work etc and not contributing. He also critises constantly and I cannot be bothered listening to him after the way he has behaved.
2007-01-01 23:22:48 · 20 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It would be very difficult for his family to see the baby and not him.
Tell him to grow up and give you his address.
Being a perant ist just about the fun stuff and the days out, its a finacial commitment too, If he ist prepaired to be a proper Dad then tell him to get lost.
If your Mum is willing to help out and stand by you, you dont need this loser, and your Child doesnt need to feel that Daddy only loves them when it suits him.
When the baby is born, register him on your own (with out the fathers name), break all ties with the father and get on with your life with the people who really care about you, It will be the most rewarding thing you ever do.
Good luck.
2007-01-01 23:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by pipdawson2003 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think, under the circumstance, offering to provide contact in a suitable centre is extremely accommodating of you but if he doesn't feel that this is suitable for him then he could take your child out for a couple of hours - there's nothing to say that you have to provide contact at your house, come to think of it, a number of friends are going through similar troubles which have gone through the courts and none provide contact within their own home. Agree set contact hours together and if he turns up, great, if he doesn't he'll have to wait until your next agreed contact. This is pretty much inline with what the courts would say.
Also, the CSA does have a pretty bad reputation but put your claim in anyway - they can find out where he lives, who he works for and how much he earns - it may take a while but maintenance payments could be with you at some point in the future as opposed to not at all - and it's amazing what the threat of legal action will do to an errant father (speaking from personal experience).
2007-01-02 02:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is sex education taught at this school? I mean the real type of sex education where they teach you how to use a condom and why it's important. I bring this up b/c the boys had a choice as well. They could've insisted on using a condom. Now if the girls were somehow tricking the guys into thinking they were on a pill or something of that nature, then I'd say no child support is a possible option. But since the guys had sex, they are half responsible for the child. They should've gotten to know the girl they were having relations with better before doing the deed. And contraception is definitely just as much their responsibility. These girls are dumb as rocks. They'll make terrible parents.
2016-05-23 05:51:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband (we've been separated for 3 years) doesn't pay a penny for our son, doesn't see him, and doesn't send him so much as a birthday card, and I say good riddance.
I suggest that you consult the Citizen's Advise Buraeu and/or consult a lawyer, and stop talking with/to the father directly since previous suggestions have been shot down due to his controlling behaviour and by not talking to him you remain in control, file with the CSA anyway, and when he finally contacts you about his 'rights' tell him that if he doesn't wish to pay any support then anything he has to say to you can be done through a lawyer and everything can be sorted through the courts.
That way you are not being forced into something by him, strictly on his terms, and you will have a legal perspective on your side.
I hope everything turns out alright and the father comes to his senses!!
2007-01-02 01:22:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he should be allowed to have any contact with the child.
It is a shame the CSA was such a useless organisation, but hopefully the new organisation will be better. Make sure you take legal advice on what you can do. The Citizens Advice Bureau might be a good place to start and try to keep the pressure up on him. I know it is frustrating...but don't let him relax at all.
People like him give men a bad name that in many cases is not deserved.
2007-01-01 23:28:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him to take a hike! NO money .. NO say!! He will probably come round at some point, but you need to stand your ground and make him aware than you are in control of this baby ... you are in control of when he see's the baby ... he has to understand that being a father is about financial and emotional assistance! I was in a simular situation ... once baby was born, I had her registered without her fathers name of the certificate! I wanted no come back! He has acknowledge her as his,but his support,although better, is far from perfect! Should there ever come a time and I re-marry ... the decission of my childs name stays with me!! I wish you goodluck!!
2007-01-02 00:55:48 · answer #6 · answered by lynne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i split with my son's father when i was 5 months pregnant. he was the same, begged me to have his bay then soon as i showed him the positive test he changed, told me to get rid! anyway, i went home to mum and had the baby. soon as it was born he wanted to be involved but refused to help financially! i went to the CSA who after a slow start (and many letters of complaint) found him (he'd moved house by this point) and now i get regular payments taken from his wage. He does not see his son and we have no contact as he became abusive towards me after i left him and sadly the police got involved. Now 3 years on my son has a new wonderful step father and a brother or sister on the way.
2007-01-02 00:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by mery 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have had a similar situation too. In the end it went on for 18months. In the end i told him that he either met in a public place or contact centre, i will stop him seeing the kids anyway. i hated doing this, as i don't believe it's any good for the kids, but when he saw that i was not going to back down, he finally gave in. As for him criticising, he is trying to make you feel bad. just realise that he has a lot more to lose than u have, so good luck!
2007-01-02 02:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No , if he cared that much he wouldn't be acting the way he is/has. If he wants involvement with the child he should be helping support them. Tell him tosod off n come back with a court order to see the baby... which no court in their right mind would give him.
2007-01-01 23:28:43 · answer #9 · answered by serephina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a bastard to me! But, a child needs a father. He has rights to that child if he chooses in the future. Let the courts decide how much he should pay for support and nail his *** to the wall! Remember not to talk badly of the father even though you would like to chop off his balls. Negative energy is bad for children and they understand way more than we ever give them credit for. Good luck and be strong and take him for all he is worth. Just remember to love your child and it is not their fault. What comes around goes around and he will eventually get his one day!
2007-01-01 23:28:38 · answer #10 · answered by Nurse Betty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋