How can I calm myself down?

Question

I am a mother of 2 girl's age's 10 and 4, they rule the house. I am trying everything to get control of my home again, but honestly seems point less. They don't listen to me, and back talk or yell. I know the yellin part they have got from me, but I am not really sure how to control the temper with them. They both know how and were to push my buttons, what can I do?

Answer 1

If you know these facts, than you can control it. 1st, stop the yelling. When the girls get you yelling, they know its in their control now. 2nd, sometimes when you punish them, you have to punish yourself, and actions definately speak louder than words. As my son's theapist told us, punishing for long periods of time is not as affective as punishing for a short period, but punishing hard. Do or take something away that will really affect them, for instance, stop them from going to an activity, regardless of whether they feel they have to be there are not. I once made my son dress out and told his coach that he had to sit on the bench. The only reason he went was because if he didn't the team would have lost if another player got hurt and the playoffs would have been gone for them, and another time, he just didn't go to the game at all. I had to do this twice, but afterwards, once I stopped the yelling, and he had was punished, he made the decision that it just wasn't worth it. And when they start yelling at you, send them to their rooms, tell them to close the door and you give them 5 minutes to calm down, if they can calm down in 5 minutes they can come out, if they can't then they have to stay there, and warn them that they cannot throw things around, that those are your things, you bought them, and you can take them away. Just remember to stay calm, once they go to their rooms, sit in your kitchen, calmly fix you something to drink... coffee, tea (not alcohol, lol), and wait, I bet you get result.

Good Luck. I had the same problem with my son. We did end up going to family counseling, and he had individual therapy. Now he is a handsome, well rounded young man. Children will take advantage of you if you let them, and the manipulation is something that is normal, but you must let them know that you are in control regardless of how much the holler. I could go on and on, but basically, consistancy in your actions will finally get you on top of this situation.

Answer 2

One of the best peices of advice I received as a mother wast to RESPOND, not REACT. Think carefully about this. When you REACT, it is usually by spouting off the first thing that comes into your head, and often involves yelling. This undermines your authority with your children and only escalates the situation. When you RESPOND, you pause, think the situation through, evaluate & select the most apporpriate way to handle the situation. Then, speak calmly and authoritatively to your children. Contrary to popular belief, you DON'T have to YELL in order to be in control - in fact yelling GIVES AWAY your control. Another thing - think carefully about what you are going to set as a boundary or punishment, because it is CRITICAL that you follow through with what you say. If you don't, you are again giving away your control of the situation. I think long and hard about consequences, because they take time and energy to enforce. I make very sure that if I establish a consequence, I am prepared to do the work to follow it through. You CAN regain control of your children, and in fact it has been my experience that they really want you to. The world is a scary place and for a child it is very positive to kow their parent is calm and in control. It may take awhile to turn the ship around, but you can do it!

Answer 3

You say they got the "yellin part" from you. What else may they have gotten from you? Maybe look at your own behavior as a cause rather than just a reaction. Family counseling is a good idea.

Answer 4

Call super nanny! or nanny 911!
Look the reason they are edgy and naughty is probably because of the negative energy you are giving them.
Try another approach with them,steep down to their level when you tell them off,and send them to their naughty chair or room,after that level down to their level and explain why they were sent there at the same time give them a hug and a kiss,and it is important that they know why they were sent there and they should apologize and very important to know that you still love them.(sending them to their room for time out would be a minute for each year of the kids life).
as for their tantrums,ignore it and they will cool down on their own.
they probably just want your attention.
Another thing is that you should do a schedule,there should be a certain time to eat,sleep,wake up,play...etc.
Anyway being a mother is the hardest job on earth so I salute you!
Good luck and happy new year :)

Answer 5

give them choices. for example, they can either sit at the table and eat quietly, or they can go sit in their room or on the stairs quietly. don't even present yelling and tantruming as an option.

if they throw a tantrum, tell them you can't understand them when they're whining and crying and that you will talk to them again when they are calm. it's their choice.

Answer 6

Turn your buttons off, then they can't push them. Being quiet and in control is far more frightening when done correctly. Above all, with children you must follow through on threats.

Answer 7

WHEN THE ARGUING AND YELLING STARTS TRY TO JUST WALK AWAY SAY NOTHING DO NOT GIVE THEM A REACTION TO THEIR ACTIONS. CHILDREN KNOW THAT WHEN YOU LOOSE YOUR TEMPER YOU ALSO LOOSE THE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION

Answer 8

Check out totaltransformation.com - on the web. I think it works for every age. - Best of luck to you!!:)

Answer 9

Seek family and parental counseling.

Answer 10

In my view change your self all together,and help ,cure,love,your children .this will make them think about you & thier deeds apply Gandhian thought.