Should i put my child into a day care?

Question

My daughter is almost 2 and i have been a stay at home mom since she was born. I havent spent more than a few hours away from her since her birth and she gets panicky when i do leave her. My parents think i should place her in day care in order for her to get used to me leaving her and to teach her social skills such as playing well with other children. I am expecting my second child in May i know she will probably be jealous for a while. Any advice or recommendations? I dont want her in daycare but if im somehow hobbeling her social development by keeping her with me will try somthing for her. She is around other children quite a bit in play groups etc.

I dont like the idea of putting her in daycare, ive heard too many horror stories about children being neglected and abused by providers. Ive also seen the negative behavior that my neice and nephew have picked up from daycare.

Answer 1

Unless it is necessary to have a daycare provider, do not do it.

I have had really great as well as really bad experiences with daycare providers.

You can care for her better than anyone else can. Do not leave her with a stranger especially because you seem to not want to do it.

Don't let anyone try to talk you into parenting their way. You are the mother, your instincts are always right.

You say she has social playdates and that should be enough, she will get more of that in preeschool in a few more years.

If you are concerned about her learning to be away from you, send her off with a trusted friend or family member for a day or a few hours. She is old enough for a weekend with grandma.

This could get you some much needed time to yourself and get her used to it so you can have it when the new baby comes.

Answer 2

My son is 2 and just started daycare. Since he has started he has started talking a lot more, is starting potty training, and making new friends. While at first it is hard to leave them and they cry and scream for you it can be good. He still cries when I drop him off and it has been over a month but the way the have the room set up i can leave but still hear him and he only cries for a few minutes and then I hear playing and laughing. You do not need to set her up in full time day care but if some thing for maybe a couple days a week for a couple hours in mornng would be fine. Especially when you go to the docotrs office or if you have errands to run. I thought that I would of been bored out of my mind when my son started but I found plenty of things to do and I did not have to worry about him getting into anything especially if I was cleanng or going through toys and somedays it was nice to be able to lay down and take a napt when I felt like it and not have to wait until nap time. I work from home but needed the daycare because when I am on the phone with customers they are not to know that I work from home. If you do your research on daycares in your area or you can find an in home provider that does daycare out of the home. Find one that is licensed and controlled by the state as these have random inspections through out the year and you should be able to find copies of the inspections through the state or ask the daycare to see copies, these should be a matter of public record. If something ever feels hinky leave, if the daycare doesnt like for parents to stop by unannounced dont leave her there, make sure they do background checks on their employees and everything. If you do a search on the interenet about daycares I am sure you could find a checklist that you can use and some states I know Texas does they have a registery of licensed daycares and you can view their inspections and everything before you ever do visit so you do not waste your time.

Answer 3

Maybe rather than looking at daycare, try finding a play group in your area. It will have other parents such as yourself, along with several kids. That way, she can get used to being around other kids, you'll still be with her, and it won't cost you money or cause you to worry.


If you can't find a play group, you could always start one. Simply find a location to have it at (such as a church, a community room, etc), and post fliers at day cares, preschools, churches, etc.

Once you have a set group attending, designate people to bring snacks, or have everyone provide thier own snacks each week. You can bring some toys in with you to share (clean them with disinfectant before and after!), but label them well.

You could do weekly craft projects, too- like finger painting one week, coloring another week, etc.

Being around other children will help your child learn to behave with peers, as opposed to just adults, and a play group will provide the same environment (if not better) than daycare will.

You can do it once a week for an hour, or two, three times a week for an hour or half hour, etc. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you have a new baby and place her in daycare around the same time, she will feel as if you have replaced her with the new baby. Keep her home for now, and make her feel like she is Mommy's biggest helper. My oldest was 26 months when I had my second. We had her do everything for us. Could you get Mommy the burp cloth? Could you get Mommy a diaper? Could you throw this diaper away? etc. etc. She was never jealous of the new baby. They get along great now. I know our parents think they have "been there done that", but I think your daughter will be just fine. If you are really worried, try taking her to reading groups at a local library. She will probably be starting preschool next year, so she'll get the social aspect then. Just cherish the time you have with them. Being a stay at home Mom can be a thankless job, but the rewards are worth it. I think the bond I have with my children is much stronger than those who put their kid in daycare. If my kids act terrible, it's my fault, I can't blame it on daycare. I'm really lucky to have kids that strangers compliment me on their behavior when we're out. Thank your parents for their input, but say you like having your little girl stay with you. Good luck!

Answer 5

This was a big dilemma for me as well. I was always worried about what could happen to my 2 1/2 year old son in a daycare setting and what he would pick up from the other kids. Ultimately I was lucky to find a daycare at a company where I started to work part time and where my mom has worked for a while. I will tell you that my sons social skills are delayed because I kept him home. He has a hard time understanding how to interact with the other kids and differentiating between positive and negative behaviors because he never witnessed anything other than positive behaviors while at home with me. The kids that have been in daycare since they were young have far more understanding of how to interact and what isn't acceptable behavior while kids like my son and some kids with parents who lack parenting skills are behind in socializing correctly and tend to have both positive and negative bahaviors. I am continuing only because my son needs the socialization and help with understanding what is positive and negative child behavior. In addition, I correct the negative things he picks up at daycare when he is at home and know that at some point he will fully understand.

You might consider becoming an active member of a playgroup in your area to socialize your daughter if you can't bring yourself to put her into daycare.

As for the attachment issues, you are going to have to work with her and leave her with family or friends for very small periods of time and work towards longer periods of time to let her know that no matter what you will be back to get her. I know this sounds cruel but you might also consider just putting her in her room or playroom or someplace safe and saying "mommy will be back" and leave for one minute, let her cry if she does and come back and say "mommy is back" and give her lots of love and kisses and increase it the amount of time to two minutes and then three and so on until you can leave her for 10-15 minutes.

The thing is, being a constant surrounding for her doesn't help her understand that you may be away for a while but you will always be back because she never has that and when she does from time to time get left somewhere she isn't conditioned to understand that you will always come back.

Good luck.

Answer 6

If you don't have to than don't... I have been a stay at mom for almost 5 yrs now.. I've worked here and there, but it was at nights, and I've never had to put my almost 5 yr old in daycare.. He is a social kid!!! It hasn't hurt him a bit.. My daughter is almost 6 mths and I plan to do the same with her.. It's so worth it.. We as parents will never get these years back and we have to take advantage of them.. You're doing a good thing by staying home with her... Give your daughter a little time.. When she's 4 she won't cry like that when you leave.. Trust me.... You said she is around children in play groups and I think that's plenty.. You just keep doing what you're doing!! Good luck to you

Answer 7

I'm in a similar situation. I don't particularly like the idea of childcare centres. I think that is where children pick up other kids bad behaviors and attitudes. It is something i'd like to control a little while longer. I put my son into music, swimming classes and a place called gymboree where he not only has one on one attention with me as a parent there are other toddlers his age to associate and interact with, so he can still develope social skills that are important. I'm a week away from having my second child and worry about how to cope with my 15month old at the same time where he dosn't feel left out. Obviously it is a little difficult to continue on with these classes when i bring home my new addition soon. I plan to take him to playgroup where he still can interact with children his own age.
Just try and involve her with the care of the new baby and make her feel important.
I've heard that a child will only benefit from childcare if they go for at least two consecutive days per week.

Answer 8

PLEASE READ! Your sweet little princes is just fine, you mention that she interacts with other children often and that is good for her, you need to follow your hart on this one and don't worry about other people telling you to leave her. At two she is learning the most important skills by spending a lot of time with you, and now that she is having a sibling she will crave your attention even more and that is totally normal. I agree 100% with you, I am a stay home Mom to a 2 year old girl and a 6 month old boy and I don't take my eyes off of them FOR NOTHING! We invite her little friends over (with their Mom's) twice a week, we go to other friends house too, to her Grandma's were she plays with her cousins and on Sundays they have a Nursery Class at our church while I go to the adults class but I can come and take a pick anytime to make sure she is Ok, She will demand your time even more after the baby is born, she is very young and will not understand why she has to go away now that "this baby" came home. Don't worry about people that says ridiculous things like "so.. You won't never let her go to school, oh you will keep her in a crystal ball" bla bla bla, at two a child wants to be in her comfort zone and that is her home with Mom and Dad and you will see that with time she will be ready to be away from you for a little while, cry less and less when you live her at "grandma's house", but living her with total estrangers, with sick kids because people think she NEEDS to learn how to play, no way! I will feel so bad if something happened to my princess, so I make sure she has plenty of playing time with her friends where I can see she is ok. She is extremely happy, smart, nice little girl around. Living a 2 year old is not the same than living 4 or 5 year old, so my friend include your little girl as much as you can with the care of the new baby an enjoy!

Answer 9

No, don't put her in daycare. If anything, she'll just get sick more often! Try going to parks more, and she'll get to socialize with other children there. Or try a community playgroup. Kindermusik is a great program...even joy school when she turns 3 I think is the age, maybe even 2. A Montessori school is another option although they tend to be pricey. But defineltly don't put her in day care if you don't have to. There's so many better options out there and she doesn't need all day care, just a few hours each week will get her social skills.

Answer 10

my suggestion, is put her in a home daycare. usually they have one or two people, which means not alot of children. which is a benfit because the likely hood of getting sick lessens. a daycare of any kind is good beause whats going to happen when she turns 5 and has to go to kindergarden and it the first time shes going to be away form you? she will freak out. so start her young. start her off by going twice a week and then gradually increase it. it will also help her to be on a schedual of some sort. like in a daycare they line up, or have snack or nap at a set time during the day which will improve her listening skills. another benfit is that she will have interaction with other children and lear cooperative play. so when your second child is born you can have your daughter go to a friends house or have a friend come over so that way while you take care of your new born she can have someone to play with and keep her busy. if you dont put her in a daycare setting soon, its just going to be harder to get her to go to school. and itll be harder on her, you, and the teacher. so my suggestion, put her in at age two or three, max. you wont regret it.