how could todays media report the birth of jesus?

Question

be creative.
assume the miracle happened this morning and the media was carrying it as a breaking news.

Answer 1

*the hot women with the dark hair and smokin body comes on*

Breaking news. A man who allegedly claimed his name was Jesus Christ was apprehended in Smokey Bone's Bar and Grill last night for turning a minor's glass of water into wine. When the child's mother called the police,as we have been told, 'Jesus', which is our only identification of the 5'9", Middle-Eastern Male , had already fled the scene.

The police asked the sobbing, mentally unstable child if he noticed any defining features of the man and he pointed out that he had circular, large, bloody, gruesome holes in the palms of both of his hands, going completely through on both sides.

Authorities, after searching the area thoroughly, found 'Jesus' kneeling in a nearby church. He is being held in the city jail awaiting his interrogation through heavy torture and crucifixtion without trial for serving alcohol to a minor.

This has been a breaking news update, now back to the game.

Answer 2

They will report the miracle, as an unusual atmospheric/astronomical phenomenon.

They will not make the link to a birth, and discount any of mother's claims as post-delivery delirium.