Do you think its rude for my bf to speak spanish in front of me?

Question

We have been together for almost 2 years, and I am trying to learn spanish, but it is very limited. He speaks english very well, and so do his children. My question is, whenever he talks to his kids (they speak perfect english) he frequently talks in spanish. it gets old always asking what he is talking about, and sometimes I feel he thinks I am invading his privacy when I try to follow the conversation or ask him what he said. He doesnt think he should have to talk to them in english when I am around, which is always since we live together. How would you handle this? Do you think he is correct, or am I just being difficult?

Answer 1

If the person that he is speaking to knows English, then he is being RUDE and trying to show you that he can do as he wants.He is also showing his off-springs how to disrespect you..Why learn Spanish?English is the primary language of America.I feel that he does whatever he wants if you like it or not.Think long on this---Rude is Rude, especially if he knows you do not speak the language.You could ask him why he learned English---and why he doesn't use it.My hubby knows English only when others do not speak Spanish....

Answer 2

Even though your boyfriend's kids speak English, your boyfriend is not a native speaker of English, right? It's always easier to speak in your native language to someone who can understand it than a second language. Chances are, also, that he doesn't really know the kind of English that people speak to children. So I think that him speaking in Spanish to his children is quite natural.

As far as always asking him what he is talking about, I can see why that would get old. My first language is English and my second language is Spanish, but I would much rather speak only in Spanish than translate between English and Spanish -- translating seems much harder and takes a long time. So I can see why both you and he find that frustrating. How about you just listen carefully but not ask him to explain every thing he said? The more Spanish you hear, the more you will understand. I think you'll be surprised about how much you can pick up just by listening. And over time, your comprehension will get better and better. I doubt that anyone would mind if you even only spoke English as long as you could understand Spanish and follow along with the conversation.

(Friendly suggestion: how about you guys getting married if you're going to continue living together?)

Answer 3

Not an easy situation for you, I know.

Reason why he probably speaks Spanish with his kids: he wants them to be bilingual. It's good for his kids to be bilingual -- it keeps them in touch with their culture, and it might also be good for their future job prospects as well.

When I was growing up, we always spoke Spanish at home. It was the first language I ever learned to speak, in fact. I didn't really start speaking English a lot until I started going to school.

I don't think he's meaning to exclude you. I think he's just trying to give his kids the opportunity to be able to speak two languages. If he spoke English with them a lot in the house, they might not develop their Spanish skills very well.

And I'm sure the kids are getting all the English they need at school or wherever -- so home is the only place where they can keep up their Spanish.

.

Answer 4

If this has been going on for two years, I'm surprised you haven't bothered to learn Spanish by now. It isn't exactly the world's most difficult language for an English-speaker to learn either. When you love someone, you want to learn more about them, and if that includes learning another language (which for some reason everyone's so afraid to do) then do it.

I speak five other languages than English, one of them being my "ethnic" language, Cherokee.

Answer 5

Maybe give him benefit of the doubt if you haven't flat-out addressed the issue with him yet, he may have just 'forgotten' (sounds stupid i know but....) that you you don't speak spanish and speaks it as easy as you or i speak english (ie without thinking of your feelings). Since you're trying to learn spanish though and making that effort i think he's being unfair to shut you out of that part of his life. If you talk to him and he doesn't seem to make an effort to help bring you along in your skills then i think he's being rude because he's not considering your feelings. If he'd help you learn then you'd be able to be more involved.

Answer 6

My wife and I had the same issue over and over.. funny though i knew what they were saying she spoke it anyway..we had several fights over it and she stopped doing it ..then started speaking tagalog..Filipino I also understood that too but told her it was rude.. we went back and forth and over the years she stopped doing it.. now after years she is doing it again,but I really dont care because i understand now that its easier for her talking to friends and family that its there first language.. I just let it go and forget about it.. also its really not that interesting what they are saying and not worth worrying about.Just explain to him how you feel tell him how would you like it if you couldnt speak english and i did that to you..I think he will come around ,but remember his friends and family are first spanish so they speak spanish easier than english so give him a break too ok?

Answer 7

It's not rude for him to speak Spanish to his kids in front of you. He probably wants to preserve their culture and language and ensure that they grow up to be bilingual. Many Americans can't speak a second language. However, it is a little inconsiderate for him not to translate for you, but perhaps it was something not worth translating (like "can you hand me that paper"). The best way for you to handle this is to concentrate on improving your Spanish. That way you will understand what he's saying and learn another language. It's a win-win situation.

Answer 8

That is rude of him. It's always rude to speak NOT in the language of all the people who are there with you. If he speaks spanish, he should immediately turn around to you and tell you what he said without you having to ask. In my household, my husband's first language is spanish also. He'd speak to his daughter, while she was visiting, in Spanish. I actually want him to speak more spanish so that I can learn it easier.

But to answer your question. That IS rude.

Answer 9

In my opinion, its only rude if he opposes you learning spanish, or starts refusing to explain what he said while you're still learning.

I had a girlfriend once who grew up speaking Spanish, and when she was around her family that's what language she'd use. They could all speak English well, but when around one another spoke Spanish because that's what they were comfortable with.

Answer 10

I think that you are the rude one...
Your boyfriend is trying to preserve his language and trying his kids dont forget it. The house is the only place where they can speak spanish. If as you said, you are together for the last 2 years........it is time enough for you to integrate the family uses and learn spanish.
That is the way to kids to be bilinguals.......something not so much USA citizens are.
I agree with their dad..he is acting correctly, he speaks with you in english....and to them in spanish. If you want to integrate that family, try to play with their rules.......thing that i dont find bad at all.

Good for that dad that is trying that his kids have a double culture, and that not forget their roots.