How can I get my life back on track?

Question

I'm 16 and recently, my mom basically moved out of the house. Her boyfriend got a place in a city that's 30 minutes away, and she mostly lives with him now. She only comes 2-3 days a week, although she definitely keeps me well-fed, and provides me with everything materially speaking. I can manage the apartment i live in by myself because i'm used to a certain degree of independance. But recently, I can't stop myself from distractions. with no control and no siblings, it's hard not to spend hours on the computer or watching t.v. I've tried writing out plans, but i don't follow them because i give in to the desire to relax. When i tried inviting a friend over so that we could both do our homework, we ended up talking and not accomplishing much. I really need to concentrate on homework, but it's so impossible without any influence at home. I used to be a perfect student, but now my grades are suffering from my laziness.
How can I control myself again???

I want my mom to be with her boyfriend because they've had it tough in their relationship in the past. But i won't change my entire life by moving to another city with her. I've told my mom about the situation, but she just scolds me for not concentrating on the right things. she simply won't understand (no matter how many times i've talked to her).

Answer 1

hey there i know its tough but you gotta keep strong my mum got a new boyfriend and i hated her for it coz im only 17 with no money i go to school but its hard with out my mum around, so i found someone a guy and he helped me out alot and now we are more than friends and im happy now i can consintrate on my school work and still have a life but try looking for someone and youl know that everything is fine with out my mum if not want anyone get a job as well for a little more money and then you wont be as bored and just watch tv alot tv can help give ideas

Answer 2

Sweetie, you are so young to be living alone! I am so sorry for the situation you are in. It's a tough one, and I can see that you are having a hard time.

First of all, your mother should not leave you alone like this. You are just a little bit too young. I'd say to talk to the school counselor but you'd probably end up in foster care. If that's what you want, okay, but make sure that it's what you want.

Are there after-school activities you could get involved in? What about taking a pt job? You need to be around people more. Can you go to a friend's house to study? Is there volunteer work you could do someplace? What about church - do you attend? Many churches have good youth programs where you could make friends and spend time.

You need to be honest with your mom. I know that you feel like she's had it hard, but she still needs to be responsible for you, and that includes more than material items. Be very kind and respectful, but keep the discussion going until the two of you can work out something that keeps you together more. Is there a relative you can live with for a few more years?

If, after the talk with your mom, you are still going to be alone a lot, then try once again to set a schedule for yourself. I know it's hard - even us OLD PEOPLE struggle with wanting constant leisure.

Answer 3

Well, I'm very impressed with you!! I wasn't so mature at 16. You really need a parent at home with you. I think you're mom is making a really bad decision to stay with her bf rather than take care of her daughter. Anyway, you're going to just have to practice self-control re tv and computer. It's a issue for everyone-no matter the age.
How about, when you get home from school, chill for 30 min or so, then get right on the homework-and no tv/comp until you're done. If you can take care of yourself at 16, there's nothing you can't do!
Good Luck and keep up the great work!

Answer 4

I don't care what your mother is providing food wise or materially she is being a NEGLECTFUL parent right now. She is being completely selfish! I can't imagine cutting my own children out of my life for a man! I'm so, so sorry to hear you are going through this. I know for me my teen years were the most critical time of my life and though my mother and I fought on many occasions I was silently thankful she was there. It's also dangerous for you to live in an apartment by yourself at 16. There are stalkers out there who prey on young girls in your situation. Especially if you can be tracked so easily by when you leave for and come home from school. This is just a negative situation all-together. It's not good to be alone. It's especially not good when you're so young. And there's no excuse your mother could possibly give to justify her neglect. You need to talk to her and tell her exactly what you told us here. God bless you & keep you safe sweetie. You're in my prayers.

Answer 5

your mom shouldn't have left you. she should spend a couple of days with her boyfriends and stay more days with you or spend a couple of overnight stays with you, not the other way around. i know you want her to be happy but ...

what you are feeling is loneliness and that causes you a lot of distractions. it might eventually cause you to become depressed and not want to do anything but lie around. what you are experiencing is not laziness, believe me! it is the start of depression and anxiety of being alone. you will notice that all that you used to be interested in will wane out. you miss your mom more than you think and you are starting to feel abandoned.

if your grades are failing, talk to your guidance counselor and tell her or him the situation you are in and how it is affecting your grades. maybe you can get some help there.

have you talked to your mom about what is happening to you and how you are starting to feel? can you stay with anyone else in your community, a friend and maybe your mom can pay for your stay there instead of being in an appartment by yourself?

i am a mother with grown children. maybe i would have done what your mother did if i think about today, the here and now. but with hindsight, i would regret it because by then when time has passed i would see that it affected my daughter.

sweetie, why don't you go and stay a couple of days a week with your mom and if you have to, get up early and go to school from where she lives then do so. 30 minutes is not too far. don't be alone all by yourself all the time. you will notice that your grades will start improving and you will be happier and more motivated if you have some company at least a few days a week. maybe your mom can bring you to school or make arrangements for you. also, is her boyfriend willing to have you stay with them at least a couple of days a week maybe?

now, if he is not willing for you to stay with them, then your mom is wrong to leave you. her choice is you before him and i would certainly lose respect for them both. but if he is a good and decent man and willing for you to be with them, then make an effort yourself and ask your mom if you can spend a couple of nights over there with her.

Answer 6

You know why things are the way they are, because you have been taken from teenager to adulthood by your mother moving in with her boyfriend......If CPS gets wind you are living alone in the apt. and your mother is at her "boyfriends", your mother may just get the lesson she needs to grow up and BE your mother, not you being the mother, which to me seems like your more responsible than her, no matte how "hard they have had it"....you are her child, yes a young adult, but her responsibility to maintain a homelife FOR you, not you doing it by yourself. I imagine you get lonely, and your grades are a reflection of a bit of depression, why......the drama your mom lives in.....I hope nothing but the best for you, most young adults could not do what your doing!....set reachable goals and go for it!!!

Answer 7

For one I'm going to tell you I'm sorry you are going through this. I thought I could leave my daughter at home for a week and visit my boyfriend, I was wrong to leave her at all. Because she was my responsibility and I was being selfish not to think of her. I wish I could talk to your mother and help and let her see that our children are only there for a short time and we as parents are to give you guidance, love, roots, and then we give you wings after you graduate from college. You are not the parent but I appalled you for trying to take care of yourself and keep your grades up. But your only job should be making good grades, and normal house hold choors, and helping out your mom. Your mother should not leave you, right now you are feeling abandonment, and lonely, and I want your to know that you are suppose to feel this and it's normal. Talk to someone that you trust and becareful not to fall into a trap of deceit from someone trying to take advantage of you. Do you Have a Grandparent? And Aunt or relative to talk to? Your mom is to protect you. I made mistakes being a parent and when I relized what I had done I tied to repair it with counceling and I was to late my daughter was hurt and I left my son to be raised by his abusive father. I dislike myself to this day, I tried to break a cycle that had been going on in my family. I love my children and now what do I have a daughter that did graduate from college with issues and a son that drop out of school in the 12 th grade with problems. You see after I gave my son to his father I tried to get him back and I did not have the money or the high powered lawyers, now I have to pray that what I did try to repair in the end stays with him and her. Just so the best thtt you can and becareful not to let someone harm you I hope you have an alarm system and set it. If you can't get your mother to come to her senses. Try to make yourself concentrate on your duties so you can handle life on your own. And go to college and if and when you do get married or have children with this heart ache she has caused you I know you want do this to your own. I don't know you but my heart honestly goes out to you. God Bless You. I'm hoping you are a God beleaving person he can help.

Answer 8

Go to the library after to school and do your homework - Since you have the distractions at home and no parents to stay on top of you well you need to go somewhere that you can not be distracted. It's your life now so the choice is yours, you can work towards failure or work towards success

Answer 9

maybe try a study group to help out with grades. if that doesn't work you would need to have a heart to heart talk with her mother. let her know that you need some guidance because you are still a minor and can't make all of the good choices your self. there is a way to be in a relationship and handle other things too, especially a parent

Answer 10

sweetie it sounds like you already know the answers...you just need motivation to making it happen...in the end the only one who can make changes to your lifestyle is yourself..sooo maybe try changing just one thing at a time?...ie concentrate on the homework issue...make it your number one priority...even over eating or socialising...perseverance and patience will make it all fall into place....maybe you could even go over to your Mums new place and set 1-2hrs of the visit to getting your homework done if you feel like you'd need a supervisor for a whiles?
good luck!...