How can I change my life?

Question

OK....new year, new start, right? I'm 22 and in college, and the last six months have been rough for me. I had a boyfriend and he moved away to go to another college. We had a long-dist relationship for a yr. and last summer I was about to transfer to his college but he broke up with me late July. At the same time my best friend got married to someone she's known/dated for two months and there was a bundle load of drama there. I just escaped all the drama from both situations about two months ago. Now, I'm left with no best friend (I hung out with her all the time so I never had time for any other good friends), no boyfriend, I went to Canada instead of my job for Thanksgiving b/c my mom just escaped cancer so I really needed to spend time with her, so I got laid off. I just feel like I've lost so much and I'm so confused. I had a date New Year's Eve and we made out, drank etc, but I didn't feel anythng. I feel like a need a fresh start--a clean slate--but I don't know where to start.

I guess I feel lost...like I don't know what to do next. Like the last two years I've spent with my boyfriend and best friend was a waste b/c now that's two yrs. I can never get back. Some of my friends have moved to Utah, have boyfriends/girlfriends, moving on with their lives, growing, and I'm here like feeling like I'm going backwards. Anyone else ever feel remotely like this? How do you cope?

Thanks for the reply.
Also, to expand, we just had a plan...we talked about marriage, kids, etc, and my whole life was planned out. And now...bang...there's no plan. It's so scary. I feel like I'm never gonna be as happy as I once was, you know?

Answer 1

Join the club hun. Life really sucks sometimes but it's not all bad .I'm sure there is somone out there for you. Loneliness is a killer. I have been there thatal most all my life... makes you feel unworthy and unloved and no one knows that more then me .

I tell you what if you ever need to chat you can contact me via messenger or email and we can just chat about whatever you want to get off your chest... Sometimes you just need a friend cause no one is there for you..I have been through hell tooo I understand.
My names Kevin btw ..pleased to meet you.
Remember if you need someone I'll talk to you and help you. that is if you want someone just to chat too.. being alone with just your thoughts sucks and you need someone to talk too.

Answer 2

I know it's hard, especially when everything seems to be snowballing around you, but trying to keep a positive outlook is the obvious first step I'd think. You actually raise a good question though.
First of all, I think I'd get a phone carrier w/unlimited long distance so you can keep in touch with those friends who've moved. Unlike a LD love relationship, these relationships might actually grow a bit w/the distance. (Friends suffer loss too)
Then since you're in college, I'd try looking around the room a bit closer in some of your classes for some of those people you normally glance over, I mean, you're in the same classes so you probably have other common interests.
Maybe you could do more of your homework at the campus coffee shop. Again being more aware of who's around you and taking the initiative to buy someone a cup of coffee.
Church functions? Perhaps you were raised in one but just don't go anymore.
I'd probably avoid the bar scene right now though as even though they can be fun, when I feel like that, it's actually the last place I need to be.
Join a gym. Work out a bit, the changes that actually keep you going back come fairly quickly. With that comes more confidence.
As for the job? Hey, apperently they didn't value you too much to begin with. Dust off your resume', knock it up a few notches, and go out there and get a better, higher paying one. I mean, you've probably got a bit more training now right? Even if it's not in the field you're used to working in, those classes are education!Employers love that!
Final point, just force yourself to say "Today's gonna be a good day!"
I hope this helps and rest assured, things DO get better! Trust me if you knew some of the snowballs I've had to overcome!
Keep your chin up!
Sincerely,
Rick [e-mail]

Answer 3

Continue college, but plan little "vacations" throughout the year to give yourself a break and make all the hard work you do tolerable. They don't have to be expensive, and a little imagination will go a long way. Don't underestimate the rejuvenating power of getting away from the pressures of every day life once in a while. This alone will give you a fresh perspective on life, in addition to exposing you to new environments, experiences, and opportunities.
You will need to get a part-time job to allow for this. Even if it takes you an extra year or so to graduate, you cannot be all work and worry and no play. Try not to worry about guys, at least not directly, they will come. Give your mom all the help and support she needs. If possible, take her with you sometimes and get away from everything. When you finish college you will be in a much better position, both financially, and in terms of achieving your dreams. Hard work & consistency will eventually pay off for you.

Answer 4

Just a thought
You might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next year,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say even if you never talk to your friend again in your life,
you are special to someone even if you haven't met them already and you have made a difference in someones life,
they look up to you and chances are you prob don't even know it, they respect you, and truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them a must for the new year and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend someone out there is looking for a new friend as well so the trick is being two and two together someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this message
and take comfort in knowing.
somebody out there cares about you and always will.
-Courtney Rogers
your friend new forever
so most importantly just remember change happens all the time drama is endless but just don't let things get to you and new friends are always waiting around the corner!

Answer 5

I would say talk to pray to God about it all. If you are not a Christian now would be a good time to know God. The important thing it seems to me is that you are focusing to much on your friends and finding love. I mean there is nothing wrong with trying to find love, but you have more important things to worry about like your mother, college and your future life. I think it would be a great idea to stop thinking about the past and living in it. Move on towards the future and the life you can build for yourself. I also want to say I am sorry to hear about your mother and wish her the best. My Uncle was diagnosed with Cancer last year so I can understand. I'm just trying to say to get your life organized you have to make a plan. A plan for your future. Good luck with everything and feel free to email me how things go for you. Take care.

Answer 6

Continue with college look forward to what you want to do when you get out. If you look around there is people who want to be your friend. Be positive. Being negative all the time tends to make people think you are a task to live with every day I had to learn that the hard way. What ever classes you are majoring in look for friends in there you have one thing in common already.

PS: Here is something positive you said your mom just escaped Cancer now build on that.

Answer 7

It appears as though you need not be too concerned about your problems or the things you don't have but start out this year by being thankful, no, truly thankful that you have witnessed your mom win her battle over cancer. At the end of the day you can call her and talk about the things you almost didn't get a chance to talk about if she hadn't made it. You may not believe this or accept this but you sound as though you don't know how to be 'content' with "alone time". Sometimes it's necessary.

Answer 8

im with you...my life the last 6 months or so have gone downhill (bf issues, work, etc) and i hate it but like u said, where do i start. my plan is to leave 2006 in the past and move forward. learn from it, dont regret it. theres nothing i can do about what happened in the past and i can only better myself. look for a new job. make new friends there. concentrate on school and try to sort things out. everything DOES happen for a reason and theres a right time and place for everything. everything will fall into place when its supposed to. take one day at a time.


im 21 btw

Answer 9

I completely understand, I have been through it recently myself. The best advice I can give is to be true to yourself and to always respect who you are. Don't let anyone get you down. Surround yourself with people that love you for who you are. If you really want to change your life do it in little steps, and try to notice patterns you repeat over and over again. When you do notice the pattern you don't like about yourself, stop doing it. It won't be easy, but believe in yourself, I know you can do it. You sound like a wonderful, caring person. Life will get better, trust me. Starting over always suck, but at the same time you will see opportunities you never thought possible. Good luck and take care, it can't rain all the time.

Answer 10

Glad to hear that your mom beat cancer.

This should be the best time to concentrate on your school and get another job. Before you know it you'llbe head over heels over another guy. Don't try to hard to replace your boyfriend. THis takes time and you can't just fall in love right away.