I've recently gotten back in touch with a guy I met years ago (we only hooked up - NO sex - briefly for one night) never to hear from him again. 4 years later, he's back in my life and for the past 2 months we've been dating off an on.
He disappeared on me 4 years ago, and he's flaked out on me a couple of times this go around (standing me up and whatnot, but making it up to me with dinner and brief spurts of attention), and he says he's trying to make a conscious effort to be more responsible and communicate. He was in a bad place 4 years ago when he met me, and he said he has grown up a lot since then. He says he really likes me, he's attracted to me, he showers me with compliments and we've spent the night together cuddling (NO sex, lots of heavy petting and making out), and things are just naturally comfortable. HE said he wants to wait for sex!!!! (we are nearly 30)
The thing is, i don't want to change him or make him into someone I want him to be. But, I don't want to be left in the dust again like 4 years ago. I feel the need to hear from him constantly, in fear that he's fallen off the face of the earth again. How active can i get in his life this soon, without him feeling like i'm trying to control him? How can i communicate without feeling like i'm smothering him or trying to change him?
The quesiton is...should I trust him to continue to grow up on his own when he's already made big communication mistakes this time around? How long should I give him to get his act together before I step in and tell him to step up or ship out?
I know i deserve a lot better than being stood up and not getting my calls or messages returned (which he's a pro at), but there is just some crazy chemistry we have together.
2007-01-01 16:54:03 · 5 answers · asked by foreveryoung 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
what to do.... what to do.... please your hormones, or please your self respect? you decide.
2007-01-01 16:57:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go with your gutt instinct. It sounds like you may already have the answer. Considering what happened last time and how that made you feel, he should be going out of his way to reassure you. It doesn't sound like he is. He may have gone through hard times in the past, but this is four years later...... He isn't going to change. Move on, follow your heart- you deserve more. You shouldn't have to constantly worry if hes going to call or not, or show up or not. When its the right guy it will be effortless!
2007-01-01 17:12:48 · answer #2 · answered by heather 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are to be commended on not wanting to change him. Women tend to want to change even the most perfect men.
He has some serious issues which he is still wrestling with. It is not you, but it affects you and this is something you need to tell him. Your do have a crazy chemistry together, but no one can tell you how long to hang on to that. Your self-respect and integrity are important to you and you don't want to sacrifice these for anything.
2007-01-01 17:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT REALLY SOUND LIKE HE HAS SOME ISSUES THAT HE
NEED TO DEAL WITH, THIIS BACK AND FORTHS ACT
IS NOT GOOD. YOU CANT REALLY GET TO KNOW WHAT
GOING ON WTH THIS DISAPPERING ACT. YOU WILL WASTE
OF LOT OF TIME WITH THIS ONE. IF AFTER ALL THIS TIME'HE HAS NOT GET TOGETHER YET, HE WONT.
TIME TO MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
2007-01-01 17:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. Cuz i too loved someone that was just .. ugh ! but go with your heart . i personally thing Dump him you deserve better !
2007-01-01 16:57:33 · answer #5 · answered by Iloveyou<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋