2007-01-01 15:25:39 · 15 answers · asked by Justin 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There once was a boy with a bucket of fish.
He yelled " Selling dam fish! Selling dam fish!"
A preacher walked by.
The Preacher said "Why do you speak with such a dirty mouth?"
The boy said "im not, i caught these fish at the dam."
So the preacher thought he'd buy some nice and local fish.
The preacher came home home and gave his wife two dam fish he'd bought from the boy.
"Honey, cook these two dam fish for dinner."
The wife said "hey, hey, hey ur a preacher, dont talk like that"
THe preacher said"No hun, they're dam fish from the city dam."
As they ate, The preacher told his son.
"Son pass over that dam fish."
The son's eyes brightened.
"Thats the spirit dad!, as he passed the dam fish,
"Hey mom , pass the fuking potatoes!"
2007-01-01 17:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
This guy goes into a bar after a promotion to celebrate with his buddies. Aftr a few drinks he notices, behind the bar, a big jar stuffed with $50 bills, so he asks the bartender about it.
The bartender replies, "Oh that's just a running bet we have here. You gotta pay $50 into the pot and if you complete 3 tasks, you win the whole jar. As you can see, no one has ever won."
After a few more beers and 2 shots of Tequila, the man announces in a slightly tipsy voice, "Screw it, I just got a raise. I can afford to lose $50!" and he slams a $50 on the bar. "OK. What do I gotta do?"
"Well," says the bartender "like I said, there are 3 tasks. First you gotta finish a whole bottle of our homemade 200 proof Fire Water, after that you gotta help my pit bull tied up out back. He's got a sore tooth and you have to go pull it out for him. If you survive THAT, you have to go upstairs and pursuade the landlady upstairs to have sex with you. She's a virgin and she's 106 years old. Raping her is obviously out of the question."
"Fair enough" said the half-drunk man. The alcohol coursing through his veins had emboldened him. "Gimme that Fire Water!" And lo and behold, he managed, to everyone's shock to finish the whole bottle without pause.
Barely able to keep the contents of his stomach down, he was turned and nudged, by the astonished bartender in the direction of the back door, where the dog was tied up outside. The man stumbled drunkenly through the door and bravely slammed it closed behind him. A fierce barking, accompanied by breaking glass, garbage cans smashing, yelling and groaning erupted outside. After a minute or so of this racket, a loud dog yelp, followed by it's whining was heard.
Shortly afterwards, the man stumbled back through the door, his clothes torn, blood dripping from multiple bite wounds and looking like he'd been hit by a truck.
Then demanded in a drunken slurred voice, "OK. NOW WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!!"
2007-01-01 23:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by Mary 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So three guys were each given on wish by a genie. the first guy wished to be with thousands of naked virgin women for 10 years. The second guy wish for unlimited amout of candy and food for 10 years. Then the third guy asked for unlimited amounts of weed for 10 years. And the genie made it happened and put each of them in their rooms. 10 years later the genie comes back and opens the first door. He noticed the guy running towards him, with the naked virgins running after him, screaming "IM TURNING GAY"!! Then the genie then opens
the second door and notices there is a thing blocking the entrance. Then finaly figured out it was the guy. The genie closed the door and went to go open the third door. When he opened it he looked at the guy where exactly he had left him. The guy turns to the genie and says sadly "hey man you got a light". hahaha i love that one so much.
2007-01-01 23:38:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
the teacher asked does anyone know any multi syllabic words? johnny put his hand up and said yes, mas/turbation. the teacher said correct what a mouth full. johnny said no your thinking of a blow/ job.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
2007-01-02 07:15:03 · answer #4 · answered by Saм 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mum's so short, she needs a ladder to pick up a coin
Your mum's so fat, the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the doorway
Your mum's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish
Your mum's so poor, I saw her kicking a can along the street yesterday and I said what are you doing? She replied "Moving house"
2007-01-02 01:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The Brokeback Mountain movie has brought new meaning to the phrase: "Ride em Cowboy"
2007-01-02 01:39:26 · answer #6 · answered by The Raging Monkey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny ones
2007-01-01 23:38:38 · answer #7 · answered by waterboy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the funniest joke is....the funniest joke...wakaka
2007-01-02 00:02:02 · answer #8 · answered by water 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride
You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, “What color?”
Yo Mama's armpits are so hairy, she looks like she got Don King in a headlock!
2007-01-01 23:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by Partygirl 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I like the "knock knock" jokes. also "george bush " jokes.
2007-01-01 23:36:21 · answer #10 · answered by I hate carrots 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋